Then Comes Love
by iheartShules
Summary: While John and Joss navigate through their not so friendly feelings towards one another they truly learn what's between them. Sequel to First Comes Friendship. Pairing: Careese because I love em' can't get enough of em' Rated T with a possibility of a rating increase near the end but there is lots of UST between Careese *cue evil laughter*
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Okay here is the sequel to First Comes Friendship if you haven't read that then this will not make much sense. This is still AU as the other one was and rating may or may not raise ;D Also as you read this there will be elements from season 4 plopped in here without anything about Samaritan because that doesn't happen in mine, nor is there anything with Decima as I hate Greer with a passion. He has worn on my patience with the show, in fact the show has worn out my patience. POI is so lucky I can't give Jim up but so help me if they fuck things up with Reese anymore than already even Jim can't salvage the show for me. I'll have to let it go and not look back because I am not going to watch a show that upsets me. I've done it before because I got invested in characters just as I am with John Reese, and ended up being unhappy. But even if I did decide to stop watching, I can't give these two up they just make me smile thinking about them. John Reese and Joss Carter are two of the best characters ever created so I'll continue to write them as long as I have ideas...or if you are sick of reading my stuff and then I'll fade off to oblivion ;D  
**_

 _ **Thanks to Elaine again for proofing and reading this for me, I heart you so much!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing I just enjoy taking the characters out for a spin.  
**_

 _ **I hope you guys, enjoy!**_

* * *

John had called, asking her to come by the gym where he taught the self-defense classes because he needed to speak with her. Of course, she had come by. Since that fateful day he agreed to be just friends with her, she hadn't seen him all that much. They saw each other a handful of times at a pub sharing drinks and conversation, nearly every single time she dragged Fusco along as a chaperone. And he called once or twice, and she had done the same but otherwise he had been a ghost. But with the holidays that came and went everyone was sort of busy. Hell, she was. One would think homicides would be on a skid, nope, they went up instead around the Christmas season. Something about the holiday cheer brought out the ugly in some. She wondered how Aubrey handled not getting a new mommy for a present. Poor John, it had to be hard to explain why Santa forgot that gift.

Joss just missed him, though she wouldn't tell him. She wasn't going to send him anymore mixed signals than she already had previously. She asked for friendship and damn it she was going to stick to that. Her heart dictated that, at least for now anyway. She was finally processing everything, finally grieving over Cal, and exorcising some immense guilt she felt over his death.

Joss moved to the room where he taught those self-defense classes, the door was closed meaning he was in session. Should she wait until the class was over or go in now and watch him in action? Her head screamed at her to wait outside because she did not want to go in there to see that sexy body in action. But when did her stupid hormonal body ever listen to her head, because her hand immediately reached for the handle, tugging it open. Her mouth suddenly filled with excess amount of saliva as she got a load of John. He was in workout gear, a white tank was sticking to his sweaty and athletic body, the small room was too small for the full sized class he had. It was a packed room. He was in the middle of teaching and had not seen her come in, so she got an unsupervised viewing of him. Joss fanned her face, telling herself it was because of how hot the room was and she was wearing a leather jacket, not how hot the man was. But even she didn't really buy it.

John was so damned sexy, all sweaty and flushed, that her mind immediately hopped straight into the gutter, thinking he would look very similar after sex just with a look of satisfaction on his face instead one of concentration. His fair skin was slightly red, his hair looked damp, and she could see a fine sheen on that smooth skin of his. She wetted her lips as she got a nice peek at those muscular biceps of his. John still wasn't aware of her. Joss eyed the women around her, wondering if they were just as affected by him. Some didn't seem to be, some definitely were. More than one was looking at him like a tasty treat.

"Hey, aren't you, John's girlfriend?"

Joss blinked, trying to crawl out of the gutter her dirty mind had slid into as her eyes unwillingly slid away from that butt of his.

She eyed the pretty brunette beside her who was smiling. "I'm not his girlfriend, we're just friends."

"You two didn't look like just friends back when you two were fighting in front of us."

Joss kept a smile in place. "We dated once."

"And you let him go? You, girlfriend, are insane. The younger crowd of this class is only here to hit on him. The rest actually value what he is teaching, like me, though he is seriously easy to watch." she said quietly as she watched what John was doing.

They slid into silence as each woman had to take turns doing the move he just taught them and that's when John caught sight of her. He smiled. "My favorite detective, would you like to try to throw me to the mat too?" John teased. Joss uncomfortably shifted as every single pair of eyes slid to her.

She shrugged. "Only if you want your class to see a pro kick your ass." She tried for sass to hide the fact that she was totally smitten with this man. The girls squealed and oohed, John just smirked and that she took as a challenge. She lifted her chin as she removed her leather coat, his eyes raked over her breasts, and lifted back to her face. Desire burned through those blue eyes of his, maybe she should have left that sweaty jacket on.

John stood in the front of the class patiently waiting for her to weave through the crowd of females to reach him. "Turn around, detective." Joss needed to get him to break habit of sounding so sexy when he talked. But she did as requested and realized she really hadn't thought this through because John stepped close. So close that his front was pressed against her ass and it really shouldn't be sexual as he placed his arm around her neck for a choke-hold, but it was. Them touching like this was not good for her body because she was starting to wish they were somewhere a lot more private and with a lot less clothes on. "Um, Joss."

"Huh?"

"You can do the move now," he said softly in her ear, the women in the class chuckled as she realized she was standing there basking in the feeling of him so close. And she felt like a hormonal moron, what the hell was the matter with her? But Joss easily and quickly bent forward using all her might and skill to flip him over her back and he landed on the mat with a soft thud, showing the correct way of getting out of that sort of hold from behind. She mastered all self-defense techniques, so this was just getting some routine practice.

She smirked as she stepped over him, smiling sweetly down at him with her legs on either side of his hips. He rested those sexy hands on her ankles. "I was just letting you get prepared to be on your back under me, John," she teased, hiding the fact that she had been too engrossed in the feeling of him pressing up against her that she had stupidly stood there.

He smirked up at her, she winced at the sexual innuendo, but clearly the other women either didn't hear it or didn't care because they cheered her. "Class dismissed." John called from where he laid beneath her, between her legs as he gently massaged her legs.

Joss heard the groans at that. "You got a little fan club don't you?" she asked before stepping aside to let him sit up, realizing just how suggestive her stance appeared. John got to his feet, eyeing her oddly as the ladies left the room and they were alone.

"Why do you say that?"

"Room is hot." She muttered as she pointed at herself. "So much so I've been here only a matter of minutes and I'm already sweating." Yep, that was the story she was going to stick to no matter what.

He shrugged. "This is the room the manager who runs the gym has me in. The classes weren't expected to be so large but more and more women are signing up for my classes." She eyed him expectantly and he smirked. "And no, it's not to look at me."

"Are you sure, John? The young ones sure seem to giggle at you."

"They giggle at everything," he countered.

"Answer me truthfully, John, how many come ons have you had?" She asked as she walked over where she left her coat, pulling it on.

He eyed her. "Be more specific Joss."

"Aha, I knew it! You've been hit on quite a bit, haven't you?"

He shrugged. "You know I asked you here for a reason, Joss."

She smirked. "You just don't want to admit that I'm right that, your classes are filling up because you're good looking and available." She joked as she moved to stand near him once more.

"I wouldn't be, well not totally, if you would go out with me."

"John…."

"I know, you're not ready to date." He smiled. "I'm willing to wait."

"I don't want you to," she countered. "John, I thought we agreed to be just friends."

He nodded. "We did, I'm going to be your friend until you're ready to date." John reasoned.

She huffed. "John, what happens if I'm never ready to date? I don't want you waiting around for me."

John closed the gap between them so fast that she was startled she didn't see him move. His body heat was raising her already warm body temperature. "So you're saying that this guy you were involved with, that was killed, was someone you are willing to stop living your life for?"

"Excuse me? Aren't you the same man who hasn't dealt with what happened to your near ex-wife?" she demanded as she tried to take a step back but he took one forward. What the hell happened here? She thought she was coming here for something else and he was in her face about wanting to date her?

"Our situations are quite different, Joss. Besides I'm willing to go back to dating."

"But not falling in love with someone," she jabbed.

"So what, you're afraid if we casually date that you'll fall in love with me?" he questioned. She swallowed hard as she found herself backed up into the wall of the room, and caged in by John's sweaty body with his arms on either side of her head. Her arms hung at her sides.

She stared at him, afraid of just that. John was a man that was one in a million and a danger to her heart. "Kind of egotistical, aren't you?" it came out a bit weak.

"No, I'm just trying to figure out why we can't casually date since we're both attracted to one another," he said as his gaze dropped to her mouth before back to her eyes. "I want you, Joss."

"No you don't." She wetted her lips again as her gaze fell to his lips. She knew how soft they were, wondering if he was going to kiss her again.

"Don't tell me what I want or don't want, Joss," he demanded, gently gaining her attention back on his expressive eyes. "But if you aren't ready to date yet, that's fine." He dropped his arms down, and took a step back. She sagged against the wall, breathing again.

She watched him grab his bottle water. "John, just don't wait for me because I'm not sure how long it will take. I don't want to hurt you, you've been hurt enough."

He turned and smiled softly at her. "Okay, I promise I won't wait around for you, but I can't promise that I will find a woman that's even halfway as amazing as you are, or if I can find someone that I'm actually attracted to," John admitted. "But about why I asked you here, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Sure." She'd talk about anything besides them dating, it was too risky to her heart. Because it was yammering at her to just do it and that she wasn't nearly as hung up on Cal as she was claiming to be.

He hesitated for a moment, seemingly unable to ask for the favor. "Aubrey has been asking a lot about you and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming over to my place for a few hours on the weekend so she could see you again."

It was her turn to hesitate. This was the first time he ever asked her to his place, could she handle being around him in an intimate setting without a chaperone? Damn it she was a middle aged woman not some hormonal teenage girl, she could do this. "I would love to see your daughter again, she's a cutie." What would be the point of being this man's friend if she was worried about being around him? None, and she wanted John and Aubrey in her life.

A smile graced his face. "Thanks, Joss, you'll make my princess very happy."

She smiled. "You're welcome, John. So I have to ask how's it going with Finch and your investigation into Peter Arndt?"

His smile died on his face replaced with agitation. "Nothing yet, Finch has been helping me when he can, in between those people he saves. What is it that he and Shaw actually do?"

"Help people that find themselves in bad situations like yourself."

John nodded. "Yeah, that's what he keeps saying but I can't help but wonder where they get their information from." Joss stiffened a bit. Finch said that people who learned the truth about the machine found themselves dead.

"I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter as long as you and your baby girl are safe. And speaking of Aubrey, call me, and we'll set something up,"she said, quickly changing the subject, not wanting him to figure it out. John was an intelligent man, he would surely put two and two together, and that could put him in danger.

John didn't question the abrupt change in subject. "Sounds good, Joss, as my daughter has talked about you nonstop since she met you that one day."

She smiled genuinely at him, before they exited together.

* * *

AN: So this sequel is much longer than the 10 chapters of First Comes Friendship. Hopefully you're in for the long haul and along the way you may want to kill me but I promise the story will have a happy and satisfying ending for everything you the readers and poor little Careese had to go through. So hold off throwing all sharp pointy objects, revving of engines to run me over, and keep the shotguns put away until the end and then you may harm me if you feel the need XD

XOXOXOXOXOX Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: There is no Careese in this *pouts* but this chapter sets up Plot A of the story.**_

* * *

Lionel met up with John at a local restaurant near his residence called Fireside Inn. It had good food and what was more, had a small arcade room perfect for kids, and on the other side of the restaurant had pool tables for adults. He entered, finding his best friend standing behind his daughter, handing her quarters to put into the claw machine. Aubrey's blue eyes found his through the reflection of the glass as he made his way towards the pair and was greeted with a big smile filled that her face as she turned. "Uncle Lionel, I'm going to win that unicorn," Aubrey announced as if it was a done deal before pointing at it with her long, thin index finger.

Of course Aubrey wanted the unicorn because it was a rich purple color with a silver horn. Aubrey loved purple. John played with the little girl's hair, smiling as she put the quarters in, before asking for John's help in achieving her stated goal. John walked on one side and Lionel walked on the other trying to help line it up for her to win that precious and coveted unicorn.

When the claw went down and came up with nothing but air, Aubrey's face scrunched up but not out of sadness but determination. She turned to look at her dad with little palm out. "Daddy more quarters please."

"Baby you tried three times already."

"Please?" she insisted.

John sighed. "I don't know why you need to win her, you have more stuffed animals on your bed than there is in the world." The little girl giggled at his exaggeration, while Lionel wasn't fooled. He saw Aubster's bedroom, John wasn't kidding as he had no clue how she even slept in the bed with the amount of stuffed animals on it. They got distracted once more, trying to help the little girl win the unicorn, but when the claw came up with nothing, John patted the little girl's shoulders. "Come on sweetie we need to go sit, our pizza should be coming soon, but after dinner you can try again."

"If I can't get her, can you try for me daddy?"

"Of course," he agreed before the little girl smiled up at him as all was right with the world again before she turned to look at the unicorn.

"You're coming home with me!" she told the unicorn before whirling around, her long brown hair flying as they walked to their booth.

Aubrey slid in on John's side, reaching immediately for the crayons to draw on the back of the liner, while he sat beside her and across from Lionel. "Thanks for coming, Lionel."

"Of course, you rang wonder-boy, here I am. And who am I to deny a meal with my favorite girl," Lionel said and Aubrey looked up and smiled before concentrating on whatever she was drawing. "So what's up?"

John eyed his friend, seeing a change in him over time, a good one. For a long time he had been worried about Lionel, something that just seemed to be weighing his friend down and for the life of him he couldn't figure it out. But now he was smiling more, more sober, and happier than he had seen him in a while. He was glad for the change, for whatever or whoever was responsible for it.

"Later," he said with a glance at his daughter, which got across to Lionel who nodded. The waitress appeared with their pizza they always ordered as they were quite frequent customers, and Lionel ordered a soda like him. They ate quietly.

"Daddy?" Aubrey broke the hush, suddenly speaking up in middle of eating small bites of her cut up pizza. His daughter ate her pizza using a fork having choked on it once and John had gotten the little girl into the habit of eating pizza this way. Maybe once she was older the habit would break but he was glad it was not today.

"Yeah princess?" he said as he finished a bite of his pizza, washing it down with some soda of his own.

"When is Joss coming over this weekend?"

John winced, really wishing his little girl hadn't asked that innocent question, for the millionth time already and in front of Lionel. Fusco's eyes were on him in seconds, he saw the look that resided on the man's chubby face.

He sighed. "She'll be over on Saturday about noon, so don't worry, you'll have her for a few hours until you have to go to dance and eat with Anna," he reassured Aubrey again.

"Do you think if I asked her to come to my recital, she would?" Aubrey asked after she drank some juice.

Uh-oh, how was he going to get out of this one? "I don't know, baby, that's a while from now and she's a busy woman. She's a detective like Uncle Lionel."

"But he's coming," she pointed out.

John felt like he was caught flapping in the wind by his own five year old daughter. Okay she shot him down on that one. "Yes, but he's Uncle Lionel, so of course he and Lee will come, but we just met Joss."

"But I like her," she said as her delicate features formed into a tiny pout.

"I know you do, sweetie."

"She's nice, and pretty too," Aubrey stated.

John smiled. "You think Joss is pretty, Aubrey?" he questioned and was kicked under the table by Lionel. He shot him a dark look and if looks could kill, Lionel believed he would be six feet under. He was just glad Aubrey was around so John couldn't go all kung-fu on him.

"Uh, so Aubster, you were saying my partner is pretty?" Fusco cued the girl on to distract John; he wondered if he should take the silverware away from wonder-boy? Maybe he hadn't thought the kick all the way through.

Aubrey nodded her head enthusiastically. "Joss is really pretty, even prettier than Elsa." John's anger at Lionel faded as his brows rose in surprise. Coming from his little girl, who loved Elsa from Frozen to death, Joss being prettier than her was a high compliment.

"That she is," he agreed and his little girl smiled widely seemingly really happy he agreed, and he panicked a bit. "Er…well Aubrey, all we can do is ask her, and if she wants to come she can and, if not, then she can't."

"Okay," clearly his little girl was banking on Joss not saying no.

"So you and Carter are having a playdate, huh?" Lionel demanded as casually as he could with an impressionable little girl around.

Aubrey giggled. "Daddy and Joss aren't having a play date, Uncle Lionel," she said before eating.

"What she said," John agreed as he ate more pizza.

Fusco rolled his eyes but allowed the conversation to lapse into silence. John was into his partner and he did not buy it one bit that they were just friends. John forgot he knew him for a long time and could see the interest in his expressive eyes whenever he even thought about Carter. Though to be fair Carter wasn't much better, she was just as interested. The two weren't fooling anyone but themselves and Aubrey, but no one else. He just wondered what the two were going to do about it because eventually it was going to come and bite them in the ass, and Fusco didn't want either one of them to get hurt. John might claim he didn't want love or marriage but he knew differently. His best friend was starved for love, having searched for it for a long time and was just scared to hurt yet again, but that's what he was most worried about. John not realizing what it was he really wanted and got his heart stomped on again and worse yet by his partner.

They finished eating and Aubrey was all but bouncing in her seat to try the claw machine again. John and Fusco followed her but hung back as she ran to the machine after John had given her tons of quarters to keep her busy for a while so he could speak to Fusco privately. Once his princess was out of earshot he turned and handed him a flashdrive.

Lionel took it, eyeing it carefully. "What is this?" he wondered aloud.

"The reason I asked you to come by for dinner with Aubrey and me," he said quietly, with a quick glance to make sure Aubrey was attempting the claw machine and not listening in on them. "On it is photos, photos I took of Peter, I was hoping you could I.D. the man who is with him."

"Peter, as in Peter Arndt, the same Peter Arndt we believe murdered Jessica?" Lionel demanded quietly. John nodded. "And how did you obtain these, John?"

John gave him a look. "You know how."

Fusco clenched his teeth together in irritation, before he spoke. "John, you should leave the investigation of him up to Carter and me. Remember you called me this morning to have us look into it. You ain't a cop."

John felt his lips thinned. He knew that Lionel was going to react this way, but was forgetting the amount of years he served in the military, was well trained, and he knew things that he shouldn't. It was why Langley wanted him.

"Fusco, I am trying here, but Finch isn't getting anywhere and I was getting itchy so I went out on my own and obtained these."

"You are seeking glasses' help on this?" Lionel demanded. "Why didn't Einstein tell me you two were still talking since we saved you?"

John felt a twinge of anger starting to ball up in him. "I didn't realize I needed to ask your permission of who I chose to speak with or not, Lionel."

Fusco's own anger boiled over. "Not what I meant, John, and you know it."

"Why does it matter?" he asked in general bewilderment. Why did it matter if he had contact with Finch, the man was a bit odd and stiff, but he wasn't dangerous in the least?! In fact he had been under the assumption that Lionel and the man Fusco colorfully nicknamed 'glasses' or 'Einstein' were friends. John didn't make many friends and he sort of liked this Finch guy, he was different, but intelligent and kind, especially to his daughter.

Fusco motioned with a hand and looked irate. "It actually matters a lot, John."

"Alright, care to explain?" he demanded, growing impatient with everyone's careful sidestepping of his questions. He was getting a little tired of the run around he was receiving from everyone when he questioned what it is exactly they do and where they get their information from. John had questioned Finch, Shaw, Joss and Lionel, all of whom have sidestepped or blatantly ignored him. He had a theory but it was too crazy to even speak out loud.

"You're not going to change the subject, wonder-boy!" Lionel said, effectively once again sidestepping his question, causing the small stirring of anger he felt to grow exponentially.

John exercised great restraint as he spoke. "A woman named Tristian is in one of my self-defense classes, she spoke to me privately. She's in an abusive marriage and tried to leave once, and he wouldn't let her. He is doing all the psychological tricks in the book to scare her into staying with him."

"Okay, what does this have to do with you following Arndt?"

"That man she's married to is Peter Arndt." John said quietly. "He's hurting this girl and if I can stop it, then I'm going to."

Lionel eyed Aubrey who was going through her quarters at a lightning fast pace. "If Arndt did do what we think he did, what makes you believe he won't hurt you for snooping around?"

"I'm fine."

"Keep it that way, for her," Lionel snapped, nodding towards Aubrey. And for him too, John was family and he didn't have much left. He would die to protect this man, even from himself. "John, just leave it to us professionals, please, and forget about having Einstein help you," Fusco said. He didn't want John getting mixed up with his weirdo friends. What they did was dangerous and he didn't want John anywhere near that!

"I'm tired of waiting Fusco. This Finch guy has to help me because if we don't prove Jessica's death wasn't suicide then my daughter will grow up and believe that her mother didn't want her."

"That's because she didn't." The words made it out of Fusco's mouth before he could think better of it. John jerked as if he had just physically struck him; he winced never meaning to say those words in earshot of John, but he wasn't going to take it back because it was nothing but the god's honest truth.

"Jesse might have been a lot of things but she was human, she had a chemical in-balance…" John began and Lionel shook his head not wanting to hear the excuses. It was high time this was said, even if he had never wanted to say the words out loud.

"John, that explains away the postpartum depression. When will you stop making up excuses for Jessica, putting her on some damn pedestal, and just own up to the fact that she didn't want your daughter?" Lionel asked as gently as he could.

"You make her sound like a villain," John snarled, feeling attacked. He hated the need to go on the defense, even with his best friend, before he checked to see how many quarters his girl had left in her hand, and saw a few.

"In my eyes she was, John, and not because she didn't want to have children and wanted to be a part-time mom to Aubrey. That was up to her, but she knew that and yet she refused to let you go so _you_ could be happy. Jessica was selfish and broke your heart over and over again."

"I don't matter, Aubrey matters and she deserved to have her mother even if she was only around a little. It would be better than what she has now, nothing. I know what it feels like to grow up with one parent, it's not easy Fusco." John tried to justify.

He snorted. "From what I've heard from Jesse you grew up without a mom too, a teenager shouldn't be taking care of his mother." Whenever Jessica drank too much she had loose lips, and she had told him all about John's fragile mother. John's jaw ticked as he clenched it. "Look I'm not saying this to hurt you, buddy, but you've been taking care of people all your life, putting your needs and wants on hold, and now you're putting a ghost's ahead of your own. When will you realize it's time to focus on yourself?"

But before he could get an answer from his friend, Aubrey put an end to whatever John might have said as she called for him. John's pain in his eyes was gone in seconds and no one was the wiser that they had been in an intense conversation because John was all smiles as he moved away from him and close to Aubrey. John was good at burying his pain, he had been doing it, it seemed all his life. Lionel sighed as he walked over to help win this beloved unicorn.

* * *

AN: John's rather sketchy past is explored in this story too. Next chapter is John/Joss/Aubrey and just because I enjoy teasing here's a little hint:

 **Aubrey smiled at her before leaning into her, and Joss made the unfortunate decision to watch John bend to turn on the DVD player. Now this was the real show, the only thing better would be watching John strip. "Do you like my daddy?" Aubrey whispered.**

 **Joss blinked in surprise as she tried desperately to tug her eyes off John's ass. Was she just caught staring at John's butt and having lusty thoughts about him by his innocent little girl?**

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOXOX


	3. Chapter 3

It was Saturday and her first Saturday off in a like a month. And instead of spending that first weekend day off doing chores around the house that were constantly being put off to the side, Joss was instead going over John's. Today was no big deal, it was for his cute little daughter, not for the man. Joss kept muttering that to herself, pretending she actually believed it as she got dressed to head over to John's place, then the entire drive there, and the entire time she had fussed with her makeup in the rearview mirror. She angrily stopped playing with her hair, realizing she was still fussing with herself for him and had not exited the car yet. She cursed herself as she exited her car, having found John's townhome rather easily from all her stealth and covert watching of him when his number was up.

She walked up to his door, berating herself the entire time because of the fact that she felt nervous, so much so that her hand shook a little as she reached out to ring the doorbell. It was just to see his cute little daughter, this was not a date or anything, so she needed to chill out. And when the door opened, she froze. John was standing there looking so gorgeous she forgot to breathe for a moment.

John gave her a long sweeping look, before speaking. "Joss, come on in," he said with an accompanying dazzling smile before turning to call for Aubrey; she damned her eyes as they slid down to look at his spectacular butt. She felt like she wheezing because, god damn, were his jeans fucking painted on?—because no pair of jeans could fit a man so perfectly!

She didn't even know how she entered his home because she was still stuck on his appearance. He was barefoot and was wearing a gray cotton t-shirt that hung loose. His hair was still free of any hair care products, just cut short and combed. She tore her staring gaze off John just in the nick of time because she heard running footsteps down the stairs and saw his beautiful little girl dressed in a pretty pink dress making her way towards her, shouting her name in jubilation.

"JOSS, JOSS, JOSS! YOU CAME, YOU CAME!" she cried in happiness as she landed on the hardwood floor, running to her, but stopped short of flinging her arms around her legs. Judging by the way the little girl bounced on her feet, it was just barely. She squatted down to the girl's level, opened her arms wide to show she was happy for a hug, and the girl squealed as she launched herself into her arms. Joss didn't remember having anyone so happy to see her before, it was adorable.

"I told you on the phone I'd be here, honey," she whispered, looking up at her daddy who looked at them with an odd expression on his face. She wasn't sure if he was thrilled with how excited his daughter was to see her or not?

They parted and the girl was smiling so widely. "I'm just so happy you came, Joss."

"I can see that, but I can tell you, Aubrey, I'm more excited to see you then you are of me," she said before wiggling her fingers under the girl's chin, earning a giggle.

John cleared his throat. "I hope you haven't seen _Tangled_ because Aubrey has that on tap for us to watch," he said, looking away. Joss eyed him, sensing he was distressed, the inflection in his voice and pain on his face gave him away but not to his daughter.

"Um, no, I haven't seen it," she replied quietly.

"You'll love it, Joss!" Aubrey assured. "I gotta go potty, I'll be back," she announced before whirling around so her long hair flew, and she was off in seconds running to the floor level bathroom.

John took her coat, and she eyed him as he hung it on top of his. "You okay, John?"

"I just didn't realize how starved my daughter was for a female in her life," he admitted. That look still residing on his face and it appeared like he was blaming himself. She reached out, touching his arm.

John wondered when or if he would ever get used to the sensations this woman aroused in him at one simple touch or would it fizzle out? He doubted it. "John, you are doing the best you can do. It's all anyone can ask of you." He blinked a little realizing she spoke again, finding himself falling under her spell. Joss Carter was a dangerous woman to be around.

John forced himself to remove his arm from her touch and not bask in it. "My best is not enough."

She sensed he was going to tack on the word _again_ but chose not to. This definitely wasn't the first time he felt like he wasn't doing enough or didn't feel like he was enough, causing her to wonder, not for the first time, what made this man tick. But before she could speak more about it, the little girl was back and John's expression cleared up. No one would ever know anything was wrong. She eyed him. He was good at pretending he was alright, good at putting up pretenses, and she wondered if he was good at making himself believe it.

"You washed your hands?" he questioned as Aubrey ran to them, grabbing their hands.

"Yes, daddy." He nodded before allowing his daughter to tug them into the living room. Joss smiled as she entered the room. It was very much catered to his daughter. She had toys sprinkling the floor, kid books he probably helped her read on the coffee-table, a pink Disney Princesses blanket lined the edge of the couch, and there was about a dozen movies sitting next to the large 55 inch flat-screen television, all of which were kid friendly and girly.

Aubrey climbed onto the dark leather couch and Joss sat beside the little girl. Aubrey smiled at her before leaning into her, and Joss made the unfortunate decision to watch John bend to turn on the DVD player. Now this was the real show, the only thing better would be watching John strip. "Do you like my daddy?" Aubrey whispered.

Joss blinked in surprise as she tried desperately to tug her eyes off John's ass. Was she just caught staring at John's butt and having lusty thoughts about him by his innocent little girl? "Whaddya mean?" she winced. "I mean, why do you ask?"

The little girl shrugged. "You like me, but do you like my daddy?"

Joss smiled in relief that his baby girl did not catch her ogling his butt. "Of course I like your daddy," she assured her, sensing the little girl wouldn't be happy if she only liked her and not her daddy too. But the girl had nothing to worry about because Joss unfortunately liked her dad, she liked him a little too much.

Aubrey smiled, clearly happy with that answer. John got the movie started and moved to sit beside Aubrey. She was glad that the little girl was in the middle of them, keep them from touching.

Time passed quickly and soon Aubrey was being picked up by Anna's mother for dance. Joss had been shocked at how quickly the fun afternoon went by and kind of sad it was already over. They watched that _Tangled_ movie which was cute, she played with Aubrey and her Barbie dolls, teaching her how to braid their hair, and then painted her nails before giving her a makeover after going to her car for her makeup bag. John was extremely quiet and something was definitely the matter with him but he never once gave off the appearance that something was upsetting him.

However, she wondered all afternoon if John realized just how much his darling little girl adored him. It was obvious that Aubrey was the center of John's universe, but Aubrey was very much daddy's little girl. They were very adorable together, the cute little twosome together against the world. John's situation with Aubrey reminded her so much of her and Taylor, maybe that was why she was a little sentimental over them. But now that his daughter was gone there was no chaperone for her and John, it was just them in his quiet home, and it was a definite no-no.

He smiled at her. "Thank you for making my daughter so happy, Joss," he said sincerely. "This was the first time she ever not wanted to go to dance class with Anna," he admitted with a laugh, remembering the sad look as Anna and her parents honked the horn for her. The squeezing hug Aubrey gave Joss was telling how much she already liked her.

"Giving me thanks for having a blast with you and your daughter isn't necessary, John. Aubrey is a cute kid and I had a nice time out myself," she admitted. Her boy was grown and split time with her and his dad now that he straightened himself up to be a part of Taylor's life. It made her immensely happy for her boy, but also very lonely when her kid was gone.

"Would you like to stay for dinner? I wasn't going to make anything remarkable since Aubrey was going to be eating out with Anna and her parents, but I could whip something up for us."

She eyed him. "I don't know, John," she hesitated. Sure, she had nothing to do today, would be home alone, and eating a boring ass TV dinner because her boy was gonna be with his dad tonight. But dinner was in a couple hours that would mean spending time in his company before dinner, then during dinner, and after dinner.

"It's just a friendly dinner, Joss, Lionel has had dinner here a lot and I'm not in the least attracted to him," he joked.

She smiled, feeling silly because John was right. "Sure, I'd love to stay for dinner."

* * *

John was a little shocked at how quick time was going with Joss, usually when his daughter was out time moved at a snail's pace, and he would feel kind of lonely. But with Joss over he didn't feel like that, they had spent the time before dinner just talking about anything and everything. It was nice to talk to someone other than a five year old. Joss was a very interesting woman, lived a hard but fulfilling life. But it was dangerous for his heart because he was quickly realizing that he was yearning to spend more and more time with this woman. He was scared at how easy it would be to fall for Joss Carter as she seemingly was everything he ever wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, kind, and honest. Sure, they had gotten off on the wrong foot thanks to his life being in danger, but he couldn't totally fault her for lying to him because he hadn't been able to be fully honest with her either.

"Is there anything you don't do well?" Joss asked in general wonderment as they worked together in his kitchen making dinner, causing him to jump a little as she broke him out of his internal musing. She was cutting and chopping for his homemade chili, while he prepared everything else.

He smiled as he looked at her. "I'm not giving you all my secrets," he said before looking away and she chuckled.

"Oh come on tell me one thing, at least make me think you're human!"

"Nope," He shook his head and she softly laughed. God knows he was horrible at a lot but there was no way in hell he was telling a woman he was interested in exactly what his many flaws were. He didn't want to scare Joss away before he even got a chance to truly date her. "Test it for me?" John asked.

"Of course," she agreed. Her stomach was rumbling with hunger as she leaned forward, he scooped some of that delicious smelling chili in the pot onto the wooden spoon, before cupping a hand underneath.

"Careful it will be hot." He whispered as he realized too late that this was not a good idea but couldn't stop himself as he slowly fed her. John felt his body react immediately to seeing her tongue and hearing the soft moan she gave as she evidently enjoyed his chili.

"This is so good," she murmured. John's eyes were on her mouth and he jerked back a little realizing how close he was to devouring her.

"Enough spice?" he asked gruffly, looking away as he went to stir as he needed to do something with his hands.

"Y-yeah," she agreed, turning and rubbing a hand through her hair. He moved to the cabinets to set the table. "Let me help you," she said, hurrying behind him, determined to do something to help while ignoring their pesky attraction. Damn it, she did tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, she raised her son singlehandedly, she took down HR, so she could ignore John's sexual allure. He turned and they came face to face and she eyed those tasty lips, okay maybe not.

"Sure," he agreed before beginning to hand her the plates. John was extremely careful to not let them touch as she was equally careful to not touch him. Once he handed her the plates he turned and closed his eyes. He was pathetic but he couldn't help it, Joss was an amazing woman, and he couldn't take this much more. He turned around. "Joss?"

"Yeah?"

Just tell her, tell her this isn't working and just ask her out again. "Would you like a beer?" he asked instead.

She smiled. "Sure." John miserably turned around, wishing he could just go for it with her, but was afraid if he did she wouldn't even want to be friends with him. He wanted more but he didn't want to lose her totally, he didn't make many friends or meet many people he actually trusted. And even though they started off rocky, he trusted this woman with his and his daughter's life. But this was a mess, he didn't know how much longer he could pretend to be okay with just friendship, and being around her in just a friendly capacity was detrimental to his sanity.

John grabbed them their beers, snapping the caps off for them both before checking on his chili. "So…" she slowly began.

He shifted his gaze onto her suspiciously. Her 'so' packed a lot in such a little two letter word. "Is the army interrogator coming out to play? Am I in danger?" he teased.

She chuckled softly. "It is but no, you're not in danger." John pretended to find the wooden spoon fascinating as he circled it around the pot stirring the chili. "You seemed pretty upset earlier, are you feeling better?" she asked.

He eyed her quickly before nodding, seeing an unknown expression on her face. "I'm fine. I just felt bad for my daughter, and it's my fault why she can't have a mother."

"John, it's not your fault. You need time to process. Your daughter is five, she has no idea what happened to you with her mother, or with that Veronica. All she sees is these other girls having a mom while she doesn't."

"I know, I just wish I could give her what she wants," he muttered, looking away because there was a part of him that thought maybe he could with this woman and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Did he really want to try to risk his heart again? "Dinner is ready," he said pasting a cheerful smile on his face, forcing his questions away, determined to enjoy right now.

* * *

AN: I decided to give a 2 for 1 special, so no hints ;D Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOXOX


	4. Chapter 4

"Sweetheart, hurry, we're running late." John couldn't believe it, he'd overslept. He hated Monday morning sometimes. But he had a rough two nights of sleep thanks to Joss coming over on Saturday and their tension filled dinner. He couldn't get her out of his head and didn't sleep much that night or Sunday either, not with his constant erection he had for her. He was in his forties damn it, he thought he was past puberty. If anyone knew he could get a hard on with a simple thought of the lovely detective he would never live it down.

Aubrey exited her bedroom with her blue sweats on that were Frozen related. His baby had to settle on wearing sweats and not get her hair tied up because of how late they were. That helped cut time a little and he had foregone shaving to help too. He helped her get her Disney Princesses Velcro shoes on, gave her a juicebox and a chocolate chip cookie (against his better judgment but they were in a hurry), helped get her purple coat on, grabbed her backpack, and they hurried out the door. He led her to the car where he hit the beeper to turn off the alarm when he heard a sound.

"Daddy what was that?" Aubrey asked, clearly hearing it too after she finished her cookie.

"I'm not sure," he admitted and paused as he looked around. Aubrey bent her head to look under the car as the sound happened again.

"DADDY! It's a kitten!" Aubrey said as she looked up with giant tears in her eyes. Uh-oh, if it was making her cry, something was wrong with it. John got to his hands and knees on the cold ground to peer under his car. Sure enough there was a tiny black kitten there with white paws, yellow eyes, fur dirty and looked scarily skinny. It was shivering and he understood why, it was below freezing at night in January and there was no telling how long it hid under his car since he didn't go anywhere yesterday.

John looked at his daughter. "Coax it out Aubrey so I can grab it, it might come out for you," he murmured softly and his daughter nodded her head.

"Kitty, come here, come here kitty." Aubrey tried but got nowhere fast. The little kitten just remained rooted where it was and eyed them both.

"Come on kitty, we don't have time for this," he muttered, eyeing his watch. His daughter was getting more late for school as was he for work. He peered under his car once more. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty," he purred. Aubrey got into the act as they both tried to coax the tiny kitten out from under his car or at the very least close enough to grab it. The black kitten finally moved tentatively towards them. John reached out and picked it up one handed. He tugged the tiny kitten out, and it looked up at him clearly scared and shaking from cold. John felt a lick of anger when he saw clear signs of abuse and was then discarded like trash to fend for itself. The kitten had to be six to seven weeks old.

John sighed as he stroked it behind its ears and it leaned into the touch. Aubrey reached up to pet it herself. The kitten meowed softly soaking up the loving attention from them. "Daddy, can we keep her?"

He eyed his daughter. "Aubrey…" He was a dog man really, so if any animal he would prefer getting her a puppy.

"Please, daddy, pretty please!" Aubrey begged as she bounced around his feet chanting 'please' at him. John eyed how happy his daughter was, then looked at the kitten. He felt himself giving in.

"Alright we can keep it, but only if when I take the cat to a vet and they say it has a clear bill of health," John admonished. He didn't want his daughter getting attached to a kitten that had a disease or something. She would be devastated to lose it.

"I'm gonna name her Elsa."

John winced, lifting the kitten up to make sure it was a girl. He sighed in relief that he didn't have to tell his daughter naming a boy cat Elsa wasn't a good idea. "Elsa is perfect. Princess, we are going to be really late," he said before they turned and carried the kitten into their home to warm it up, get it some water or something and some food before they left and he could take it to a vet.

* * *

Joss was hard at work when she heard footsteps near her desk. "So how did it go?" Fusco's voice filtered over and she lifted her head to find Lionel before her desk.

"How did what go, Fusco?"

"Your playdate with my best friend, how did it go?"

She smiled. "First it wasn't a playdate between John and me. I went there to see his cute little girl because John said Aubrey was asking a lot about me."

"That she was," Lionel agreed.

She nodded. "And secondly, John and I are just friends."

"Still on that shtick are we?"

"What's that supposed to mean, Lionel? It's the truth, not just some cover story that we're telling people. John and I are friends."

"Friends, right." She felt her brows crash together in annoyance at Fusco's clear skepticism. But he didn't give her a chance to yell at him. "Did you know that John and Einstein are keeping in touch?" he switched topics so cleanly, her head spun.

She shook her head yes. "Yeah, John mentioned it." After he had almost kissed her at the gym where she had nearly melted from the heat that she steadfastly refused to believe was them. Nope it was that room they saddled John in, it was a damned sweat-box. John probably exited it every night all sweaty, clothes sticking to his sexy body, flushed in the cheeks….Joss squirmed mildly as he looked up, Fusco was eyeing her with a disgusted look. "What?" she demanded trying to hide the quiver in her voice with indignant anger.

"You knew and you don't even care!" he said incredulously and she breathed in a sigh of relief that Fusco wasn't some mind reader or something. The thoughts lurking through her filthy mind about his best friend would surely repulse her partner.

"Why should I? I think John needs more friends."

"Yeah, but it's Einstein, why him?!"

She smiled as she leaned forward. "What's wrong, Fusco, afraid Finch is going to replace your spot as best friend in John's eyes?" She joked softly with the man.

He snorted. "Hell no, John can have as many best friends as he wants, but there is only one Fusco," Lionel said, pointing at himself. "I always have had and always will have John's best interests at heart, he's my brother from another mother, and I'll do what it takes to protect him. Even if it pisses him off, John needs someone to look out for him, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. But the walking and talking encyclopedia is like a magnet for trouble and I don't want John anywhere near that, he's been through enough."

She nodded. "I know," she said before wincing. "I mean, I see."

But Fusco wasn't buying it. "You know? How?" She sighed as she rummaged on her desk pulling out a manila folder, before handing it to him. Fusco opened it and his brows rose in surprise. "You pulled John's file again?"

"Not again, I did it while trying to learn who was after him," she defended, but she had gotten his record unsealed just recently but she wasn't going tell Fusco that.

"Yeah but this goes all the way back, back to when he was just a kid. How did you get his juvenile record unsealed?" he demanded.

She shrugged a little. "I have a friend," she muttered.

"Why did you have this friend pull strings to unseal his record? What, for your viewing pleasure as a reason not to be hung up on him?" Fusco demanded angrily. "That's not fair, Carter; condemning him for what he did as a kid when you don't know everything. Hell, I don't even know everything, just bits and pieces, John doesn't like talking about his past. And the little I do know, thanks to the loose lips of his dead wife, I can't say I blame him."

She held out her hands. Joss had to remember Fusco was over-protective of John. It was damned cute how worked up Fusco got when he thought John was being slighted. John was 43 and so was Fusco, but Fusco treated John like a little brother who needed his protection and supervision. It made her wonder what Fusco did know that she didn't, John had a few brushes with the law but nothing all that unusual for a teen. He did some shoplifting, got into a fight that sent him to boot-camp, then he joined the military just after that.

"That's not why I did it, Fusco. I didn't pull it so I could find something that would make me not like him," she disagreed because that wouldn't work. Nothing made her like John less because everything she learned about him only made her like him more.

"So why did you pull it?"

"Honestly, Fusco, I have no idea why I asked for it. I guess I just want to understand him more. He just….I don't know, he has some sort of pain, I can see underneath the surface, and color me curious, I wanted to know more about him."

"Did you do that to me?" Fusco questioned and it threw her.

She furrowed her brows. "What?"

"We're _friends,_ so did you check into my past, comb through my entire childhood to figure me out?"

Anger burned through her. "Don't go there, Fusco. Our relationships are two completely different things."

Fusco eyed her as he handed her the manila folder back. "Seriously, you two need to deal with what's between you, because you're right, your feelings for John are completely different from the _platonic_ feelings we share," he agreed.

"I am not taking advice from a guy who is divorced like me. You're no better at dating, Lionel," she said dismissively. Fusco snorted, but he was going to let her deflect and change the subject this time because he had a feeling he could get through to John faster than Carter. His friends were already in a sticky situation which was only going to get stickier the longer they pretended. "Let's focus on trying to tie Peter to Jessica's murder or Captain Moreno is going to close it on us," she asked gently, nearly pleading. Fusco nodded, thankfully allowing the topic to cease and they got back to work.

* * *

John sat on his black leather couch with his tablet on his lap while his daughter sat beside him with their new kitten, Elsa, on hers. The kitten was sound asleep. The vet gave the kitten a clean bill of health, giving him some ointment to put on the cuts the kitten sustained, and advised him to watch the kitten's diet as she was slightly underweight but not as much as he first feared. But otherwise she would be fine. So he got her some kitten food, kitty litter/box, and some toys with Aubrey choosing out everything. Elsa had a little purple collar with a tiny bell on it. John got the kitten a little bed and some blankets to sleep in his daughter's room with her. John never owned a cat before so it was going to take some getting used to. He might be a dog lover but Elsa fit into their home, he could easily see how much Aubrey loved the little black kitten and how the little kitten loved Aubrey. His daughter had been petting and playing with her since she got home from school.

"Look at this one, princess." John murmured as he opened the listing. Being his life was finally his again, he didn't have to hide his very existence. It was time to purchase a home and put down roots, something he did not have when he was growing up and he did not want his daughter to suffer through moving all the time. Renting this townhouse in the heart of Manhattan had been the easiest way to survive the situation he had been in. But thanks to Lionel, Joss, Finch, and Shaw, he wasn't in that situation any longer. His daughter deserved to have some stability and his lease was ending March 1st.

He had to stay close to the area because the school district was the best and Aubrey had many friends already and he would not take her from Anna. But that meant slim pickings since the area was expensive. His daughter seemed unimpressed with the home because her attention diverted to the kitten once more.

John looked up sharply when his front door opened. "Hey, wonder-boy, you home?" Lionel called. John cocked a brow as the man entered the living room, not bothering to wait for him to tell him to come on in.

"Sure, Fusco just come on in." John said with a sweep of his arm. "What happens if I was entertaining someone?"

"Carter's still at work,"Fusco jabbed, careful to not say Joss as Aubrey knew who exactly she was. John glared at him and it was ignored. "So what you two kids doing? And when did you get a four legged fuzzball?" Lionel asked with a pointed look at the tiny kitten in Aubrey's lap.

Aubrey, who was oblivious to her daddy's anger at her favorite Uncle Lionel, smiled happily up. "Uncle Lionel, meet Elsa."

John shelved his very real annoyance at his best friend because he didn't want his daughter to know about it, and nodded. "We got her this morning."

"I thought you were a dog lover, John?" Fusco said before sitting down beside Aubrey on the couch, reaching out to pet the kitten who woke up to peer at Lionel for a few seconds before going right back to sleep, as Aubrey leaned against his arm.

John shrugged. "I am, but the kitten sort of chose Aubrey and me. We found her under my car this morning clearly abandoned."

Fusco leaned over looking at what was on his tablet. "House hunting, eh?"

John looked at him. "Yeah, tired of renting, but finding a good house or townhouse in my price range in the same school district is kind of hard," he admitted.

"Not that I enjoy you talking to Einstein but maybe you should call him, he has a lot of connections and knows people. Maybe he'll know where there is a deal or not," Fusco suggested.

John had to admit he never thought of doing that. "I'll give him a call in a little bit."

"Daddy, can you put cartoons on, please." Aubrey piped up, stroking the kitty as she looked at him.

He grabbed the remote, turning the TV on to Nickelodeon for his daughter when Lionel motioned at him. He put the tablet down on the coffee table, before following Lionel to his small square kitchen. "Want a soda?" he asked, knowing of Lionel's sobriety, he shook his head no. "What's up, Lionel?"

"This wasn't a total social call, John."

"Okay, what's wrong?"

He sighed. "Carter and I are searching through Jessica's case and unfortunately there is not much to go on."

"I know, Finch is telling me the same thing. But Peter murdered Jessica," he whispered quietly just in case Aubrey happened to come into the kitchen looking for juice. He couldn't explain how he knew it was Peter he just did. "Did you I.D. the guy in those photos on that flashdrive I gave you?"

"I tried, I don't know who he is. John, the captain is giving us a couple days before she'll yank us off the case. She wasn't sold on the inconsistencies, but because Carter and I wanted to give it another look she let us. But she will shut us down and close the case for good if we don't give her something concrete."

John shook his head. "This would be easier if the New Rochelle police would have done their jobs in the first place," he said bitterly.

"I agree John, but, we can't go back in time and undo what the cops did. This is where we're at and I don't know if we'll be able to prove Jessica was murdered."

"So that's it. Peter gets away with murdering my daughter's mother?"

Fusco shook his head. "We're not giving up yet, John, Carter and I are going to continue digging, but I just wanted to give you a head's up."

"Thanks," Fusco nodded his head looking like he had more to say and he eyed him suspiciously. "What, Lionel?"

"About you and Carter."

"Lionel…"

He held out his hands. "I love you like a brother and I'll never stop worrying about your happiness, John."

"I appreciate it, but you're starting to piss me off."

Lionel laughed. "That's what brothers are supposed to do, John."

He snorted. "Then you succeed at it very well, at least on my love life as the topic. Listen, I appreciate your concern, Lionel. But, as you know I can handle myself, I don't need your protection," John assured him.

Lionel's laughter faded. "You may be able to handle yourself physically, John, but emotionally you have been wrecked again and again. I helped mop you up after what Jesse put you through and you weren't honest with yourself back then. It's time to be honest with yourself now, John, before you get in too deep."

"What are you talking about?"

Lionel shook his head in exasperation. It was high time to get John to confront what he was feeling and to do so he had to go about it differently. "Fine, as you know I started dating this woman named Kim, she has a single best friend who has just gotten divorced who is looking for just casual dating herself. Kim asked if I knew anyone like that and I hinted at you, so I'll call her up and we'll set up a double date."

"Uh…" he trailed off not entirely sure what to say.

"What's wrong, John? I met Kim's friend, she's nice, her name is Sharon. She's pretty and smart, she's a teacher."

"I'm not looking to go out on a blind date, Lionel."

"Okay, we'll go out somewhere and we'll find someone you enjoy enough to go out with."

"Damn it, Lionel, what is this to prove?" John demanded.

"My point,"

"Which is?"

"My point is that you want more than casually dating, whether or not you know it," Lionel said, but left off that he wanted more than that with Carter specifically. He didn't want to push John too hard too fast, as he just needed to get John to acknowledge what he really wanted. He was very good at burying his wants and needs.

However, John was just done with the conversation. "Let's go back out there before Aubrey comes looking for us," he said as he turned to walk back to the living room when Fusco grabbed his elbow. John looked down at his friend in surprise.

"Alright, I'll drop it if you promise me something," Lionel said, seeing John nod before he let go of his arm. "That from now on you'll do what makes _you_ and your daughter happy and no one else."

"I promise, Lionel." Fusco smiled before they exited the kitchen to go back into the living room to sit with Aubrey.

* * *

AN: Next chapter Shaw/Finch get new numbers while Carter and Fusco get surprised by someone (*cough John cough*) ;D Here's a teaser:

 **"Oh just gross, new rule for you two, no flirting in front of me,"Fusco demanded.**

 **Joss felt her hackles rise. "We're not flirting. John's trying to be cute to distract me from the fact that he committed a crime."**

If you are patiently waiting for some forward movement with Careese, then chapter 6 may be for you ;D


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Sorry I wanted to post yesterday but didn't feel well I was exhausted and sick to my stomach with a splitting headache to boot. Ugh.**_

* * *

Shaw entered the library, carrying her coffee and Finch's tea. Things had been unusually quiet for them for the last week. Maybe it was to make up for the fact that they had to deal with tons of numbers in November and December. Shaw couldn't say she enjoyed time off but the amount of numbers they had to deal with before the holidays were far too many without any time to recuperate. Sometimes she wished she had someone to take the load off.

She plopped his tea down in front of the man near the computer. "Thank you, Ms. Shaw," Finch said as he picked it up before casually taking a sip and she shrugged. Once he took a small sip, he motioned at the glass pane where two photos were taped too. "But as I said on the phone, we have two new numbers."

"Yeah, who are they?" she nodded to the glass pane. Last time they had simultaneous numbers they were a related case in the fact that they were the same guy, Reese.

"The man on the left is Peter Arndt and the woman on the right is Tristian Williams."

The first name got her. "Wait, Peter Arndt, as in the guy that you and Reese are trying to prove murdered Reese's wifey?"

Finch nodded his head. "The same and the two numbers are related."

"How so?" Shaw demanded.

"They're married," Finch supplied. "I already called Detective Carter, who agreed to speak to Detective Fusco to ask him to keep an eye on Mr. Reese for us."

"Why, you think he'll be the perpetrator this time? I mean this guy could be his wife's murderer."

"No, Mr. Reese isn't a killer but I want to keep John away from Peter, for John's safety. Detective Fusco was somewhat upset to learn we were helping John investigate Peter Arndt for fear for his friend." Shaw snorted. Somewhat upset?—try he was livid. She remembered Fusco's ranting and raving like a lunatic only so well. Shaw wondered if Lionel was scared that they were going to offer Reese a job with them at Finch's halfway house for the not so dead. Not that she wouldn't mind the help as Reese could hold his own in the field, judging by the right hook he had. She still felt the sting even now, a couple months later, though she wasn't ever going to admit it to Reese as she absently touched her eye with a smirk.

But Finch further spoke and broke her out of her musing at having Reese as a partner. It wasn't going to happen anyway, he had a daughter to live for. "If his number is up and Peter really did murder Jessica then it is possible he's the perpetrator again."

Shaw nodded her head. "And you're worried Reese might get caught in the crossfire."

"Preciously, Ms. Shaw, John is focused on bringing the man he believes murdered his wife to justice. And that man is Peter Arndt, our newest number."

"Wait, do you think that Arndt knows what John is doing to bring him to justice and now Mr. and Mrs. Arndt plan on killing him?"

"Not really, however the possibility is there and we can't take that chance. I don't want to think that we merely prolonged John's life just so he could meet an unfortunate end a few months later, Ms. Shaw. And it's kind of coincidental that Mr. Arndt's number comes up after the detectives reopen the case of Jessica's suicide."

She nodded, she didn't believe in coincidences any more than he did. "Alright, who's the chick other than that she's married to the guy we think murdered Reese's wife?"

"Her name is Tristian Williams, and I am about to start checking into her."

"Well get to it, Finch." And he did so quietly. Ms. Shaw hovered near him, they spoke and she left ten minutes later to go check out Tristian Williams. Thankfully it was quiet in the library just with him and Bear since Ms. Shaw left. They were going to need the detectives help in watching both numbers. While he had a quiet moment to himself he decided to call John.

He had to wait a ring before the man answered. "Hello," he answered quietly.

"John, is this a bad time?"

"No, Finch, you're fine, the class is taking their written test and I'm just watching them, what's up?"

Finch hesitated though, he didn't want John to grow suspicious, but when the man called him last night seeking assistance in finding a home he had been happy. Harold didn't make many friends and he liked Mr. Reese, the man respected his privacy and they shared interesting conversations. Harold knew a proud man when he saw one, judging by the man's past he knew why. Harold had combed through everything and everyone ever connected to John Davis who might want him dead, including running searches on Mr. Reese's deceased parents to see if they had any enemies. John's family life reminded him of his own. Only child, lost a parent early in life, he his mother and John lost his father, and they both had to take care of their remaining parent. But the similarities ended there because his dad was suffering from a disease while John's mother was an alcoholic. Finch searched through John's juvenile record learning with dismay that the majority of items John stole were food and necessities. Most the shoplifting charges were dropped, or he would get community service. John's pride was deeply rooted inside him, so he had to be very careful in getting him to choose this home.

Finch waited one more moment and came up with a reasonable explanation. "My real estate agent found a very nice three bedroom two-story townhome for you, with a nice sized backyard and is 2500 square feet. It has two and a half baths, along with a full basement that's been redone. It also has a state of the art kitchen, a den, and a study with new carpet and hardwood throughout so it sounds absolutely perfect for you and your daughter."

"It sounds a little too good to be in my price range. Finch I don't have a million dollars, that's why I came to you in the first place."

"It's not that expensive. I told my real estate agent the amount you specified you wanted to pay and not a penny over," Harold agreed. He had purchased the home a year or so ago, fixed it up, and was going to use it to house some numbers they tried to keep alive in it. But when John called him about seeing if he knew of anyone who was selling a home within his budget to let him know, he immediately knew he wanted John to have it.

"How much is it?"

Harold hoped his ruse wouldn't be sniffed out here because the price he was going to say was well under John's budget and well under what should be the asking price. "Sixty thousand."

"That's cheap, is it in Manhattan?"

"Yes in the heart of it and it's in your daughter's school district, I made sure." And if it hadn't he would have purchased any home for John that was in his daughter's school district.

"It's sixty thousand? I haven't seen a listing like that."

"I know people, Mr. Reese,which is why you called me, so I know that this house will be coming up on the market and it will be gone in seconds and I know the seller, so you have first crack if you want the home."

The man hesitated for a moment. "Okay, yeah I would love to see it, Harold." John sounded unsure but didn't seem to have figured him out just yet.

"I can meet you in say twenty minutes."

"Make it in a half hour and I can head there during my lunch break."

"Alright, see then, Mr. Reese," he agreed. And when they looked at the house he had to deliver John the unfortunate news that he would not allow him to help investigate Peter Arndt any longer. The only way to keep him safe was to do so and that's what he was going to do.

* * *

It had been a couple days since her little outing at John's place. They had talked on the phone since and even met and ate lunch together during her break. John told her that his daughter asked about her a lot and really liked her. The feeling was mutual. Aubrey was a cute little kid that she was already finding herself attached to. She had gone shopping at a mall and found a cute little Elsa from Frozen necklace and purchased it for his daughter to give her for her birthday gift. His daughter was turning 6 early next month. His daughter had surprised her when she asked her to her recital and birthday party, which Joss had quickly agreed. She always wanted a second child, preferably a daughter so she could have one of each, but never got the chance. Her marriage started crumbling and she was just grateful she had Taylor.

Joss shook off the thoughts, opening the car door after Fusco pulled up to the home that Peter Arndt owned in New Rochelle. Her misfit friends had told them that Peter and his wife's numbers were both up which worried her. They learned that Tristian was in self-defense classes with John, the same man that was married to Jessica who was Arndt's former fiancée. Talk about a small world and a worrisome one too. John could be in danger again if Arndt realized his wife was taking those classes with the same man that effectively 'stole' Jessica from him in the first place.

This home in New Rochelle was a vacation home to the couple, but it was owned by Arndt back before he ever married Tristian. The man owned it since 2008, he was back on taxes, and close to foreclosure on the property. They walked up to the front porch, moving towards the front door. They were about to knock on the door when they saw it was opened slightly. She eyed Fusco.

"Home that is otherwise locked up tight, with the door open…." Fusco began.

"Possible break-in in progress, which gives us probable cause to enter," she said with a smirk that was greeted with a follow up one from Fusco as they withdrew their weapons from their holsters.

Carter and Fusco grew cautious, just in case, as they entered the home. The air inside was stale and there was a thin layer of dust covering the majority of the foyer. It looked like no one had been there in a while. But thanks to the thin layer of dust covering the floor, banister, and other items in the foyer they knew that someone was here by the footprints. The footprints were large, most likely male. Fusco and she communicated on a silent level, she nodded and he nodded his head in return. They took their time, methodically sweeping the ground floor. They heard a sound in the adjacent room, a sitting room. Joss motioned with her head. They got to the doorway, both on each side. She raised a hand up and lifted three fingers counting down to one when Fusco popped, out with his gun drawn.

Joss watched as Fusco was easily disarmed by their assailant and his right arm was grabbed when they all realized who each other was. "JOHN!" she growled in supreme agitation.

"Joss? Lionel?" he immediately stopped from about to break Fusco's arm as he realized who it was. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked out loud, as if this was his home as he handed Fusco his gun back.

"Us?—wonder-boy, what are _you_ doing here?" Fusco demanded as he snatched his gun back.

He shrugged. "Simulation ended early. I wanted to come here to see if there was anything that Peter left behind that helped prove he killed Jessica since he owned this place during the time her murder happened."

"John I nearly shot you!" Joss hissed as she grabbed at her heart as it thundered. She holstered her weapon and glared hotly at the man.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked again.

"Uh, door was open, probable cause to take a look around. Was it you that broke in here?" she demanded. John gave a sheepish look and she huffed. "John, you shouldn't be here, we could arrest you for breaking in and entering."

"But you won't." he gave her a small smile.

"Don't push it. I'm letting you off with a warning but next time I'm throwing the cuffs on you!" She scolded.

And his small smile grew wide and she was annoyed with herself for an answering one trying to twitch onto her face. Damn his face. "You're kinky Joss, I like it." he purred.

Joss felt a stupid girlish giggle nearly make it out of her before she resisted it. "You can be cute all you want, I'm still mad at you."

His smile turned decidedly male. "Would you like to punish me, Joss?" she shifted. Punish him, oh yes she would love to punish him.

"Oh just gross, new rule for you two, no flirting in front of me," Fusco demanded.

Joss felt her hackles rise. "We're not flirting. John's trying to be cute to distract me from the fact that he committed a crime."

Fusco snorted. "Sure, whatever you say, Carter." Joss frowned at her partner who clearly didn't believe her before he turned his eyes on John. "Wonder-boy, you're not supposed to be here, so get out." He motioned with a hand towards the door.

John's sexy smile slid from his face as he looked at Fusco. "Why? If Finch and you guys won't help me, I will find the answers myself. Finch told me that he would investigate this himself and that I should focus on my daughter and moving which is not true."

"What do you mean?" Joss asked.

He eyed Joss. "I can tell Finch was lying because he wouldn't look me in the eyes. There is something else going on and he won't tell me, so maybe you two will."

"I don't know anything ever when it comes to glasses' and the munchkin," Lionel said immediately. John glared at him before turning to look at her. Joss shifted her weight, feeling his penetrating gaze on her. She recalled her vow that she would never lie to him again.

"Joss you know, what's going on?" he implored her and his eyes grew a little bigger.

"Don't tell him, Carter, don't look in the eyes! Aubrey does something with her eyes to make you do her bidding and she learnt it from him," Fusco said.

"Shut up, Lionel. Joss please, tell me."

She sighed, looking at Fusco and he scowled at her. "Don't look at me like that Fusco, I promised I wouldn't lie to him and I can't break my word," she said before looking back at John. "You know how our friends try to help or stop people that they get from a very reliable source?" John nodded his head slowly. "Well, Finch and Shaw received both Peter and his wife's name from this reliable source."

"Peter is going to hurt Tristian," John said.

Joss and Fusco shared a look before she spoke up. "Are you so sure? We think maybe you might be the target."

"Me? Why?" he demanded.

"Maybe Peter found out where you worked and sent his wife in to get close to you, to learn your schedule and she's an accomplice to hurt you," Fusco said.

He furrowed his brows. "No, Peter isn't looking to kill me because there is no reason to."

"Yeah there is, John, remember Jessica," Joss countered.

He shook his head. "If he wanted to kill me he would have tried a long time ago. He'll hurt Tristian though."

"John, brother, it's just a possibility, its why Einstein and the Oompa Loompa cut you loose on finding out the truth about Jesse."

"Well, it might be a possibility but it's not what's happening. Tristian is scared of Peter, she came to me for help, and I'm going to help her."

Joss stepped forward, poking him hard in the chest, gaining his attention. "Listen up John, I get that you are trying to make up for the fact that you couldn't save Jessica, but not at the risk of you getting hurt. Not happening, understood?"

John stared at her as he gently grabbed her hand and heat spread through them. "I'll be fine and I will find out what happened to Jessica, regardless if you guys will help me or not," he guaranteed as he drew his fingertips across her palm nearly making her shiver.

Joss took a step back breaking, the contact before motioning for Fusco. John eyed them as they moved off to the side. "Fusco, we can't keep him out of the loop."

"The hell we can't," Fusco countered.

She shifted her gaze off Fusco and onto John as he was back to snooping around the room, evidently not caring that they were talking about him. She looked back at Fusco. "If we don't keep an eye on him, then John might go it alone and something could go wrong, but if he's with us then he'll be safe," she whispered.

He sighed. "John _is_ stubborn as a mule. He won't stop until he finds the truth, no matter what we say, and I prefer him with us then glasses and G.I. Jane."

They broke apart. "John," Joss called. John turned around.

"So, came to a game plan about me? What are you going to do Joss, cuff me to you?" he demanded as he eyed her, smirking, and she refused to feel her heart do a stupid flip at his perusal of her.

Fusco made a sick sound and grumbled something under his breath while she shook her head. "I could cuff you to Shaw," she threatened and John's smirk never wavered. She exhaled roughly. "Fusco and I were going to stakeout Arndt's workplace for Finch and Shaw as they were going to stakeout Tristian. How about you come with us?"

He narrowed his eyes on first her, then Fusco. "You two changed your minds awfully quick. Why?"

"The only way to keep you from investigating this by yourself is by keeping you by our side, so we are offering you to work the investigation with us."

"Against our better judgment," Fusco added.

John smiled. "Alright, I'm game."

* * *

AN: Flirty John is a fun John XD And because I enjoy spoilers I'll give a teaser:

 **John looked up to stare at Joss, and he couldn't stop himself as he leaned over and kissed her.**

One sentence is all I'll give ;D


	6. Chapter 6

"So where is Aubrey tonight?" John shifted his gaze off the workplace of Arndt and eyed Joss who was seated in the driver's seat. Fusco had gone off to search the perimeter and try to get ears on the man. John couldn't do it as Peter knew who he was and Fusco left Carter with him because he was afraid he would do something stupid. John didn't mind being babysat by her and only her.

"With her best friend Anna. Anna's parents are really nice and love Aubrey like a second daughter," he said as he looked at Joss who nodded. "You know if you really don't want to go to her recital or her birthday party you don't have to. Aubrey sort of cornered you and I don't want you to feel guilted into going by my daughter. She does a wonderful job at pulling out those big blue eyes that implore you to do anything she wants," he laughed.

"Like father, like daughter," she muttered under her breath and he pretended he didn't hear her. "But she didn't guilt me into anything, John. I want to go."

"Then I'm looking forward to having you there," he said and Joss smiled softly before looking back out the window which helped. He was feeling overtly sentimental that Joss wanted to spend time with him and his daughter. Jessica never wanted to spend any time with him and Aubrey, actually Jessica never wanted anything to do with Aubrey ever, and it hurt. John shifted his gaze off the woman beside him. "Do you think it was a good idea to send Lionel in there to get ears on him?"

"Why not?" she questioned, turning to look at him.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure if Peter knows who Lionel is or not."

"Did you and Peter ever talk?"

"No, I never knew about him until after Jessica and I were married." Joss nodded, that much she knew thanks to Fusco. "She revealed to me after our wedding that she had been engaged to him. I didn't know that; had I, I wouldn't ever have asked her to dinner after we ran into each other at the airport."

"Probably why she lied, John." Joss said softly. He nodded his head absently. "So what happened?"

"I was getting off a plane and she had been trying to get on one. She missed her flight for me." John remembered that only so well. He had been arriving back in New York in '06, he had taken a small vacation before starting school again. He ran into her. He couldn't believe the blind dumb luck. She gave off no indication that she was engaged, either she hid the ring before he saw her or Peter never gave her one. He didn't know which. But John had been shocked to learn that she was engaged previously, and was a little upset that she hadn't told him about Peter before they were married. He sighed. "I should have known when she told me the truth that she purposely withheld the fact that she was engaged when we met again that she was going to eventually lie to me again."

John felt her probing gaze on him. "You know it's not your fault, right?" Her soft voice pulled his gaze off Peter's place of business to look at her.

"I don't know what you mean, Joss."

"I get the feeling you are blaming yourself for Jessica's death. It's not your fault if Peter killed her. It's not your fault she didn't tell you the truth that she had been engaged to him."

"Part of it is my fault, Joss."

"No it's not," she argued.

John looked at her. "You don't know everything. You only know what Fusco has told you."

"So tell me, John. What don't I know that makes it your fault?"

John shifted. "This isn't the place for that sort of discussion, we're on a stakeout." He didn't want to dredge that up.

"We're alone. Fusco is trying to get close to Peter, checking the perimeter, and our peculiar friends are keeping watch on Tristian. It's just you and me. So tell me."

"I can guarantee my past isn't interesting," he tried again.

"So what, this is where you shut me out because you are done with the subject, and want a new topic?" she questioned.

"Yes," he said not shy.

She smiled. "And what would you like to talk about, John; anything that doesn't deal with your past?"

John hated being on the defense so he went on the attack. "You're one to talk."

"I told you everything about me while you have yet to say one thing about who you were," she pointed out.

"Who I was doesn't matter, who I am matters, Joss."

She shook her head, she had a feeling who he was very much mattered as it shaped the man who was before her. "I'm not letting you change the subject onto me because you don't want to fess up about Jessica."

He laughed humorlessly. "There isn't much to say, Joss. My marriage was a disaster. It was built on lies, more lies were told, and Aubrey is the only good thing that came of it."

Joss shook her head knowing there was a lot more to it than that. "Your wife did quite the number on you, didn't she?"

He smiled. "Everyone wants to make her out to be a villain, especially Lionel. But I loved Jessica. It was my fault for giving her chance after chance, because it was never going to change. She wasn't ever going to want Aubrey like I did. She even blamed our marital woes on our infant daughter, claiming I paid Aubrey more attention than her. And I believed her." He had tried everything. He tried to give her more attention, having Lionel watch Aubrey for him so he could treat her to date nights. But it didn't work because when it came down to it, he didn't trust her anymore and Jessica was still unhappy they had Aubrey while Aubrey was everything to him.

Joss eyed him, seeing pain radiate out of his blue eyes. "Your marriage falling apart wasn't your fault John. From what Fusco told us your relationship wasn't too good for either one of you. You two just weren't meant to be."

He nodded. "I wish I figured out that love sometimes isn't enough. That you could love someone so fully, so much, but it was unhealthy for you and was not in your best interests to be together. Had I figured that out quicker, maybe she'd still be alive."

She touched his hand, earning his gaze. "You can't feel guilty for her death, John. You had no control over it, regardless of if she killed herself or not."

"Maybe had I ended our marriage sooner instead of trying to make it work over and over again even though I was unhappy, she might have given Peter a chance and he would never have hurt her. Maybe my daughter wouldn't be growing up without a mother."

"John, there is no guarantee that even if you had figured out you two weren't right for one another quicker that she would have gone back to him, or that he wouldn't have killed her. If we believe what Tristian says, he's an abuser and it is quite possible that Jessica would have been abused by him."

He looked down at their hands. "I just wish I could have saved her," he whispered.

"You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. You have to stop beating yourself up for the fact that your daughter is never going to know her mother." But that was just it, he again failed. He failed his father, his mother, and now his daughter. And failing Aubrey hurt him immensely. "John, talk to me," Joss whispered.

John looked up to stare at her, and he couldn't stop himself as he leaned over and kissed her. He tried to be just her friend, he really did, but it wasn't working. He couldn't wait much longer for her to move on from Cal, because he liked her—a lot. John noted with supreme satisfaction that she didn't resist or hesitate. She kissed him back readily, without reservation, as if she was waiting for him to kiss her again. And this kiss was even better than the other ones. She was eagerly kissing him, pulling him to her, and he sighed as he kissed her desperately. He lifted his hands into her hair, loving everything about her. He moved forward trying to get closer, felt her hands on his cheeks as he deepened the kiss. The soft moan that escaped her, he swallowed it. His mouth moved on hers and she kissed him back nearly as hungrily as he kissed her.

John pulled Joss closer, so much so that he was tugging her over the gearshift. He forgot where they were, what they were doing. Everything else faded away but this woman and the way she made him feel. He settled her on his lap, she ground down into him, and he pulled his mouth free to groan raggedly. "God, Joss." He moaned before taking her mouth again, her mouth open and waiting. John slipped his tongue into her mouth and felt sharp pleasure spike in him as their tongues tangled. Oh god her mouth tasted like heaven. He grabbed her hips drawing her on him harder, making her feel what she was doing to him, and he wished their clothing would just vanish. She gasped into his mouth, as they rubbed intimately.

She broke the kiss to stare at him, breathing hard for a couple minutes. Joss kissed him ardently once more as her hands went for his shirt under his leather coat trying to tug it free from his jeans while he cupped her ass loving how nice it felt. The door to the car opened and they jerked back from one another, Joss's elbow hit the steering wheel and honked the horn.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Fusco demanded as Joss immediately climbed off of him, looking mortified. "No wonder you weren't answering me Carter, you couldn't, not with John's tongue down your throat!" he snarled. John sat there feeling like he was just caught by his parents about to have sex.

"Not another word, Fusco." Joss demanded. "Not another damn word."

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" Fusco demanded as they entered John's rented home. Carter had dropped him and John off at the precinct, where he drove John home after the stakeout and Carter went home. It was highly tense in the car the entire rest of the stakeout and the drive home. Carter asked for not another word then, but now he was demanding to speak about what he walked in on. "John, what happened to being just _friends_ with Carter?!"

"That was the plan," he defended. "Until she was ready to move on over Cal, then I was going to ask her out."

"And then what? You and Carter would casually date because you claim you don't want anything more. Damn it John, you're falling for her. And when you fall, you fall fast and hard, and then you're hurt when it falls apart."

John glared at him. "Do not tell me what I feel or how I feel it, Fusco. I don't have time for this, I have to go pick up my daughter from Anna's house."

"Well you're going to make time, John. I don't have to tell you what you feel, you know it as much as I do, you're just hiding from it because you're scared," he snapped.

"Fine, yes, I like Joss a lot, and I was willing to be just friends to wait for her."

"John, putting your life on hold for Carter….and you seriously thought you wanted her for nothing more than female companionship and casual dating?!" Lionel was irate. John was always putting his life on hold for others. Taking care of everyone else, making sure everyone else's feelings mattered…well damn it, John's mattered too. He loved Carter and would die to protect her, but John needed to stop this.

"Fine, dad, you're right I am falling in love with her, is that what you want to hear?" John demanded hotly, seriously annoyed with having to have this conversation at all. He was frustrated and he knew he shouldn't be taking it out on Fusco but he couldn't help it.

Lionel wondered if he felt better getting what he truly felt for Carter off his chest. But now came the hard part. "What happens if she isn't looking for the same thing? She's got a grown kid who is close to college, while you have one that just started kindergarten. You two might be close in age but you two are in completely different places, John. There's no telling if she would want a do over and raise someone else's kid. Not to mention she has been divorced and tried to move on and lost the guy, and you…." He trailed off.

John felt himself stiffen. "'And me' what, what is that supposed to mean, Lionel?"

"It means that no one that lived your childhood comes out without more than their fair share of scars."

"My past has nothing to do with who I am now."

"Nice try but your deep seeded need to take care of everyone else but yourself comes from your past, John. Not to mention the fact that you want to be loved."

"My father and my mother loved me."

Lionel eyed John. He had no doubt that John's parents loved him but everything changed when his dad died and he became the parent at eleven years old. "John, you don't have to put up this stoic front with me. You won't be any less of a man in my eyes. I did some digging because you won't talk about your past."

"You did what?"

"Get mad all you want, John, Carter has a friend who got your juvenile record unsealed. We took a gander and I decided to run a check on your mother and it definitely gave me more clarity into who you are today."

John never thought he could be so angry that his vision blackened. "You and Carter had no right to do that. Leave my place Lionel, I don't want to speak with you right now," he demanded softly, afraid he would say something he regretted.

Lionel eyed him. "John, what happened to you then is still happening now. You put your mother ahead of your own needs since you were eleven and until her bitter end. You did it with Jessica and now you're doing it again with Carter. It's a pattern of behavior because you know nothing else since you were eleven, John! You are putting your life on hold for everyone else's sake, it is time to think about yourself!"

"Get out now, Lionel." John asked again, blinking rapidly. "My mother is not a discussion I will ever have with you or anyone else for that matter. Don't come here for a few days, please, I don't want to see you for a while," he asked gently, feeling betrayed.

Lionel nodded, knowing he pushed John as hard as he could. "Alright, I'll go. Just do what makes you happy with Carter and not what makes her happy, please, for your sake."

"I really need you to leave, Lionel."

Lionel nodded knowing John would cool off once he got a chance to digest what he said. John didn't want to be confronted with his past, proving that it still had the ability to affect who he was today. He turned and left, missing John's tears.

* * *

After she dropped off John and Lionel, Joss immediately fled to the closest pub, needing a couple drinks to unwind. She eyed Shaw as she made her way over. "What are you doing here?" she demanded as she sucked down a shot.

Shaw smirked. "You kind of forgot to mute us during the stakeout, and I listened though Finch didn't but he did blush profusely."

"You're perverted," Joss snapped, motioning for another shot at the bartender.

Shaw slid into the barstool beside her. "So why are you at some bar and not at Reese's place, jumping his bones?"

"We're friends," she said lamely.

Shaw nodded her head, thankfully taking pity on her and not telling her that she was a liar that she was. "Plus his kid is around, can't have nakey and sexy times with the little snot around," Shaw added.

"Don't call Aubrey a snot," she corrected. "Besides John and I won't be having as you say 'nakey and sexy times' regardless if she was around or not."

"Why not? You two are clearly hot for one another if you were going to screw one another while on a stakeout."

She swallowed hard as the bartender filled up her shot glass, his brows rising as he listened in on the conversation. She waited until the jackass left after giving Shaw the whiskey that she ordered and glared at the annoyance. "It was unprofessional and I'm ashamed of myself."

"Why, for being human? Geez, Carter, cut yourself some slack, Reese could give anyone a boner," she commented, taking a thirsty sip of her straight up whiskey.

"Are you saying John turns you on?" she hissed, curling her hands into fists, and Shaw held up her hands.

"Yeah, my eyes and ears aren't broken but trust me he's all yours, he's not fuckable."

"And why not?" Joss demanded and Shaw shrugged.

"Well one thing he's got all those pesky emotions and issues. The guy is a fucked up mess, not at all my type. I prefer men or women with less baggage. But, more importantly, you like him and I like to think that we are friends, so I'm not touching that."

Joss sighed, feeling overwhelmed at the moment. "Sorry, Shaw, it's just I don't know what to do with what's between John and I. I just…I don't know."

"Well my advice is to hit it again and again until he bores you in bed, but you're emotionally involved with him so screwing him is just going to make it worse," Shaw said as she shrugged. "I'm not exactly the right person to be talking to about this, Carter. My longest relationship was as long as a Tic Tac takes to dissolve." Joss eyed Shaw. And she didn't doubt that length with Shaw's disorder, it was hard for her to form relationships. "You should seek Lionel's or Finch's help."

She scoffed. "I can't ask Fusco or Finch. Fusco nearly had a heart attack catching us. And Finch, I'm not sure if he would even have good advice or not."

"So do the one thing I wouldn't," Shaw suggested.

"And what's that Shaw?"

"Talk to the guy."

She sighed, she hated when Shaw was right.

* * *

AN: No spoilers this time :) Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: Okay, since posting this I have been receiving a few too many worried PMs because Iris is in this. You guys all know I'm Careese all the way and I write happy endings, so she's not going to get in the way of Careese. She's only being used for a plot device to illustrate something for me, (spoiler alert) you'll only see her one more time, and honestly I didn't want to create two own female characters. I was kind of wanting to use a known character. I knew her character was disliked but I didn't realize the magnitude of her dislike lol. So I decided to post this author's note to kind of calm everyone, Iris has nothing on Joss as we all know ;D**_

* * *

John angrily ran on the treadmill. He dropped his daughter off at school, had the morning and afternoon to himself since the class had the day off. So he went to the gym to work out some frustration he was dealing with. He ached physically for Joss and was extremely angry at Lionel for digging through his past about his mother. His mother was someone he rarely spoke about and regretted telling Jessica about her. She had a habit of having loose lips when she had too much to drink. He wondered if Jessica had told Peter about his mother, about who he was, and had a nice long laugh at his expense. John smacked the button on the treadmill making the thing speed up as he tried to drown out his upsetting thoughts, focusing on running so hard everything else would fade into oblivion.

Like the fact that he was hurt as Joss ignored his phone calls. He felt pushy with the amount of times he had already called her but he couldn't help it. He wanted to talk to her, tell her how he felt, and go for it. It scared the hell out of him to put his heart on the line again but Joss was worth the effort. She was nothing like Jessica and everything he ever wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, and most of all, she was honest. Besides all that, his daughter loved Joss and it seemed like Joss enjoyed having Aubrey around.

But he couldn't tell her how he felt if she wouldn't answer her cell. Lionel's words rung in his head: _what happens if she isn't looking for the same thing?_ Last night he had been annoyed with Lionel for asking that, but he had the right to ask that very real question. What if she _wasn't_ looking for the same thing?—because John could no longer lie to himself that he wanted just female companionship, just light dating, without a real relationship. It wouldn't work. Not just because there was Aubrey who he had to think about but because he wanted more. He wanted love in his life and he wanted that person to be Joss. He hadn't felt this kind of connection since the first time he met Jessica, but it was more potent than what he felt for Jessica. This was strong, intoxicating, and irresistible which was why he had grudgingly agreed to be just her friend in the first place. Just so he could be around her. But what if she truly didn't want to try love again, that this Cal guy was it and she was done. He promised Lionel he would do what made him happy from now on. And he wasn't happy pretending to be just Joss's friend. He wanted more.

"Hi,"

A simple greeting tugged him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to the fact that he was running hard on a treadmill at a gym, and he blinked a bit. John turned just his head, never breaking his stride, and he was breathing heavier by now as he felt sweat beading on his forehead and upper lip. A pretty red head was on the treadmill beside him, not nearly moving as fast as his was. She was tiny, she was much shorter than he was, and weighed maybe a hundred pounds.

"Hi," he greeted back, not missing the feminine look of interest she sent his way.

She smiled before motioning with her head and he eyed where she was nodding too, seeing a group of women watching him intently. "Just a heads up, they were arguing over who got to hit on you and take the treadmill beside you."

"So naturally you beat them to the punch," he smirked.

The woman laughed softly. "No, if I wanted to hit on you I'd wait around for you as you were leaving and pretend we were leaving at the same time, not while we are both trying to exercise. This is more a courtesy because you look like a nice guy and I know those ladies and they aren't here to workout, trust me."

John winced as he eyed the group of women, their looks were unmistakable and John felt a little self-conscious as he realized his tank was clinging to him in sweat. He felt on display. "I see…" he mumbled, looking away from the vultures.

"My name is Iris by the way," she offered and he looked at her.

He smiled. "I'm John," and with that they both went back to running.

* * *

Joss was tired. She didn't sleep a wink thanks to what happened with John in the car, leaving her sexually frustrated, plus the added headache she had from drinking hadn't helped a bit. While she agreed with Shaw last night that the best course of action was to speak to John about what was between them she just couldn't. Or at least not yet since she didn't know what to say. So, all this morning as he called, clearly wanting to speak about what happened last night, she ignored them. But her day got worse when she and Fusco were yanked from the Arndt case twenty minutes ago. Moreno closed it again once they couldn't get any new leads. Fusco called John to tell him, and clearly there was trouble in paradise because he had to leave a voicemail rather than actually speaking to John. She wondered what happened between the best friends.

Since they couldn't prove Peter was a murderer, they were focusing on helping their friends trying to get Peter that way. It might not be justice for Jessica's murder but at least Peter wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else again. They were investigating Peter and Tristian and learned some interesting things. Peter was up to his ears in debt with loan sharks. His wife Tristian worked as assistant to the D.A., interestingly enough her number had came up after she sent out an email questioning a case that her boss D.A. Barnes was working on. Tristian thought that a man in a high profile case that was up for Murder in the First Degree was innocent. Maybe she was going to be killed to be shut up. Or quite possibly her number was up because Peter was abusive and figured out she was learning self-defense. Who knew, but they were working hard on making sure whatever the reason her number was up that it was stopped.

She was just beginning to read over an old casefile for a cold case that she and Fusco were handed by the captain. She looked up when she felt a presence near her desk. There stood Fusco and he looked at her with a determined expression. "We need to talk about last night," he said calmly and she knew it was coming. She nodded and stood up, then they moved to one of the interrogation rooms for privacy.

The moment the door closed she spoke up. "About what happened that you walked in on…"Joss began but trailed off, thankful for Fusco lifting a hand up to stop her because she hadn't a clue what she was going to say.

"Can I speak first, Carter?" he asked gently.

"Sure."

She waited for Fusco to begin as he appeared to be gathering his thoughts. "You're are my partner but more than that you're my friend, a friend I'm more than willing to die for."

"Oh Fusco…"

"No, this has to be said. John is like my brother, Carter, and if it weren't for the two of you I'd be in jail or worse," Fusco stated bluntly, sniffing as tears welled up. "You and John saved me, I owe you both my life," he said fiercely.

"We didn't, you were a good guy, but you let loyalty to a man who didn't deserve it lead you astray. You just needed a little reminding that's all, Lionel," she assured him, rubbing a gentle hand on his burly forearm in comfort.

He half smiled. "Believe what you will, Carter, but I owe you and John everything which is why I feel the need to say what I'm about to."

"Alright."

"No matter how angry you might get at me, I already pissed off John, so I may as well piss off you too, and maybe even find Einstein and go for the trifecta," he said further, which alerted her to the fact that this wasn't going to be something she wanted to hear.

She smiled. "Say whatever it is and we'll go from there."

"Carter, you aren't nearly as hung up on Beecher as you claim you are. You are using him to keep John at arm's length."

She felt punched in the gut because Fusco cut to the bone. Not messing around, no beating around the bush, nothing. She pointed her index finger at him. "You know, you are a really good detective, Fusco," she teased, feeling uneven at the moment, like she had vertigo.

He snorted. "I should be, I have the best partner to learn from."

She tried for a laugh but it came out more like a shuddered sigh. "You're right, I was using Cal to keep myself from acting on my feelings for John. At first I told myself that I needed to grieve was the truth and even got myself to believe it. But I know better now. I know it has nothing to do with Cal and everything to do with myself," she admitted gruffly. It was so damned difficult to own up to this. "John scares me, emotionally."

Fusco nodded his head. "Yeah well, you have the power to destroy John's already bruised heart, wonder-boy puts up a strong front but he's a giant marshmallow on the inside." She smiled at the illusion Fusco painted, in fact she had to agree. John did put on a stoic front, masking a heart that had been damaged by his wife's constant infidelity and lies. "But then again so are you; you aren't nearly as hardened as you claim to be. So is that what you mean, John can hurt you emotionally?"

"I have felt this same burning and overwhelming passion I feel for John before. The type of passion that makes you forget everything else including yourself with my ex-husband Paul. I lost myself in the passion, the love, everything with Paul and it ended horribly," she said, taking a deep breath. Dredging up her past failed marriage still had the power to hurt her. Joss didn't suffer many failures but she failed at her marriage. She couldn't help Paul or his anger issues and she couldn't stop herself from falling out of love with the man he had become.

"And you think John is like Paul?" Fusco asked nonplussed. He never met Paul so he had no idea if they were alike or not.

She shook her head. "Paul and John are completely different people. But the feelings John arouses in me are similar to what I once felt for Paul because John has the ability to make me forget everything. That spark between him and I is intoxicating and irresistible, and if I let myself I could fall in love with John. I've loved and lost, tried to move on and the guy was murdered, and I'm not sure if my heart can take another hit like that again. I'm not sure if I have it in me, Lionel," she admitted honestly.

"Tell him that, please. He deserves to know where you're at."

She nodded. "I know, I'm going to," she assured him, but she didn't know how or what to say. After the way they made out, the way she ground into his stiffening erection, how did she convince him that she just wanted friendship? Talk about sending mixed signals and she wasn't even fully sure she could be just his friend, so far it wasn't working out as well as she had hoped. But could she not have John in her life?—easy, no she couldn't. She felt like she was between a rock and a hard place, unsure of what to do.

"FYI, I told him about getting his record unsealed and he was none too pleased with us having a look," Fusco muttered as an afterthought, which now explained why John was not answering Lionel's phone calls.

She gave him a lopsided grin. "Did you really think he would? John doesn't seem to enjoy talking about his past."

Fusco smiled softly in agreement. "John hates being confronted with his past, he'd rather bury it, though what happened still haunts him and I was there to open his peepers. Man wears blinder, it's a mystery how he has made it into his forties!" Joss chuckled softly before moving to grab the doorknob but Fusco's meaty hand paused her when he touched her forearm gently. She turned to look him in the eyes, seeing something in his eyes. "You know, Carter, for what it is worth, I think you would be good for John and John would be good for you."

Joss was surprised. She thought from the way he was always grumbling and butting in that he thought that they would be a disaster together. "You think John and I would be good together?"

He shrugged. "Hell yeah, you two would be perfect for each other if you two are in the same place. I was there when his marriage imploded around him, John was miserable. Has been since, then the thing with Veronica happened and he had stopped smiling altogether. Until you came along, not to mention Aubrey adores you. I wanted you two to get your shit together because neither one of you were at the right spots in your lives to be together. You two mean everything to me, I want you guys happy, no matter what you both decide to do."

She smiled. "Even though we were annoyed with you for butting in on our personal lives, both John and I know you're a good friend and care about us. I appreciate it even when I say I don't," she said softly as she opened the door to the interrogation room. He waved her off.

"I like it better when I'm oblivious because I don't know what the hell is going on. Just talk, date or don't, but clear this mess between you two please, so I can go back to my blissful ignorant self," he joked before exiting the interrogation room, and she followed closely behind.

* * *

AN: Fusco to the rescue, well sort of ;D Next chapter, I'll post much sooner since I hope I won't be so exhausted as I was this last week, especially since this one is basically a filler chapter. Here's a teaser for the next chapter:

 **Finch froze. "No Ms. Shaw, you don't believe…."**

 **"That John is going after Arndt because everyone gave up on helping him prove his wife's death isn't suicide, I think it's safe to assume he is since he doesn't take days off ever."**

The Arndt case heats up in the next two chapters. You'll see more Careese again in chapter 9. Thanks for reading :)


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: I just wanted to take the time to apologize for including Iris Campbell as I didn't really realize the extent of the hatred. And I thank everyone that personal messaged me with their anger that gave me a chance to explain about Iris Campbell and reassure that this is a Careese pairing. I hope from my messages I sent to everyone alleviated the fear of Iris being in this story a lot**_ _ **.**_

 _ **Now moving on :)**_

* * *

As the day went on John's anger at Lionel slowly dissipated till it faded away completely as he knew it would. He never could stay mad at Lionel for long, he was his unofficial brother so one minute he was livid with him then the next it was gone. But his anger fled as he had time to process what Lionel said and he was right. John hated when Lionel was right, because he was going to be ribbed and hear 'I told you so' for months to come. However most of all he hated that Lionel was right because he didn't want to hear it. But even though he had already had let go of his anger, he wasn't ready to let Lionel in on that fact. Let him wonder because he had no business poking his nose into his past about his mother.

He had put his own wants and needs aside to take care of his mother because he made a promise to his dad that if anything happened to him he would take care of and protect her. And he did as promised, until he failed in the worst way imaginable. Then he put his wishes aside again with Jessica because he was her husband and she was the mother to his child, he felt an obligation to be there for her even though she broke his heart again and again. Now he was doing it with Joss, waiting around for her without realizing the obvious truth until he was forced to face it, that he was in love with her. He had been willing to put his life on hold for the off chance she would feel the same way for him. But without a single returned phone call from Joss all morning so they could talk about what happened, he saw the writing on the wall, and it was painful to know he had to move on. Joss didn't feel the same way. Oh, he knew she was attracted to him, but she didn't want more, like he did, and didn't know how to let him down. Well he was going to help her out by asking for some space, something he desperately needed from her, so he could let go of this pipe dream of them being together.

This thing between him and Joss was a mess because Aubrey asked about her every-day, was excited she was coming to her fast approaching birthday party and the dance recital in the upcoming future. So he couldn't just ask Joss to not come to those events because his daughter would be devastated. His daughter's happiness took precedence over what made him comfortable no matter what. Yes, his needs were important but his daughter's came first and she wanted Joss there. It wasn't Aubrey's fault that he wanted a life with Joss who didn't want that with him in return. It wasn't even Joss's fault because he constantly chose the wrong woman for himself, and he had no idea why. Jessica and Veronica were liars, and Joss was emotionally unavailable. He sighed, maybe he should let Anna's parents, Kirsti and Tom, or let Lionel and his new girlfriend set him up on a blind date, clearly he wasn't very good at finding Mrs. Right for him and Aubrey on his own.

John pushed thoughts of his problems with the opposite sex to his existing problem of solving Jessica's murder. Because Lionel had left a voicemail for him that his captain closed the case, upsetting him immensely. But Finch had called him soon after and invited him for lunch which he readily accepted, wanting a break from thinking about everything and focus on something that made him happy; setting up roots for his daughter. And that brought him to where he was presently, sitting with Finch eating lunch.

"John?"

He allowed his internal musings to fade away, looking up from his plate as he munched on a French fry. "What Finch?" the man shifted, looking highly uncomfortable, which clued him in on the fact that whatever he wanted to say wasn't good. Oh joy, more bad news for an already horrible day.

"Whatever it is, say it Finch," John commanded softly.

"I'm sorry, John, I tried everything I could think of to find some sort of clue to prove Peter's guilt in the death of your wife, but there is nothing to go on. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to end our investigation."

John pushed the plate away, suddenly not hungry any longer. "Peter kills Jessica and now gets away with it."

"Mr. Reese, I'm sorry," Finch repeated as his eyes showed his sincerity.

"So he gets to live his life free and clear. Hurt more people."

"I won't let him hurt anyone else and if he is going to try to hurt Tristian I will make sure he goes to prison for that," Finch assured him.

"But it's not enough, Finch. When my daughter gets old enough to ask what happened to her mother, I'll have to tell her that she committed suicide even though she didn't, because I can't prove she was murdered."

"I'm truly sorry, John. When the police failed to investigate her death more thoroughly, all the potential evidence against Mr. Arndt evaporated. It's not your failure, it was the failure made by the police in New Rochelle."

He wrung his hands together. "How about the fact that his name came up with this reliable source of yours, what's going on with that?"

Finch hesitated for only a brief second before speaking. He didn't see any reason why not to let John in on what was going on. The man had to give up his investigation into Peter. "We learned he has loan sharks inquiring where some money is and he has none. But thanks to Detective Fusco bluejacking Peter's phone, we might have a lead into why he wants his wife deceased."

"Why?"

"Tristian Williams is an only child to Henry and Karen Williams, a very wealthy couple that had been bailing out Peter Arndt for their daughter's sake. Mr. and Mrs. Williams died in a tragic car accident when a very drunk driver ran into their car nearly two years ago,"Finch explained.

"So the well ran dry," John murmured, which explained the abuse Tristian began enduring. If Peter was under a lot of pressure thanks to his loan sharks he was taking it out on his innocent wife. John curled his hands into his fists. What kind of man would hit an innocent woman who was defenseless?

Finch nodded. "Precisely, Mr. Reese, all their money was left to their only child, Tristian Williams. However, Mrs. Williams-Arndt couldn't access the money."

He furrowed his brows. "Why not?"

"The way her parents wrote their will states she cannot gain access to the trust that the money was placed into for two years and if she contests the will, she receives nothing."

Realization dawned on him. "They did it so that Arndt couldn't touch the money, hoping their daughter would see the light and get rid of him."

Finch nodded his head in agreement. "That's what Ms. Shaw and I figure too. We think she might be in danger because it was two years to the day, yesterday. The trust is now open for her to go access it. If Tristian dies after the two year mark all the money goes directly to her husband, Peter, but if she died a day before the two year mark all the money would have went to charity as stipulated by the Williams' estate."

"That must be the reason he wants her dead except for the fact if she dies he's a prime suspect, especially given those circumstances. There has to be something else going on, something that he has manipulated so when his wife is murdered, he's not the focus." Just like he did with Jessica, Peter knew she was on anti-depressants and knew he asked for a divorce, and it had been easy making it look like suicide.

"Well, Ms. Shaw is currently keeping watch on Tristian because she might have dual threats to her life. She is questioning a high profile case her boss, D.A. Barnes, is in the midst of prosecuting, one that would place Barnes on the map."

"What is she questioning?"

"The person's guilt, Mr. Reese, she believes the man to be innocent and is being framed for murder."

John furrowed his brows as a convoluted theory sprung to mind, but was Arndt even capable of such a thing. "How far back has Peter been in debt to these loan sharks?" he questioned softly.

"For quite a while, John, why?"

Instead of answering he asked another question. "What case is Tristian questioning?"

"The Bryer case."

John nodded, remembering seeing it on the news. It had been everywhere as it was huge when the murder happened and the case was huge now. "I remember that. Isn't Franklin Bryer up for murder one for allegedly shooting and killing a rival company's owner?"

"Yes, the case is being made that Franklin Bryer murdered Debra Gibson because their rivalry over being the top notch talent agency heated to a boiling point. He claimed she was stealing customers and they even have a recording of him threatening her at her place of business, and he was slapped with a restraining order. But that murder happened nearly two years ago, what does this have to do with now?"

"Tristian has been working as D.A. Barnes' assistant for a while now from what she told me at classes, what if Peter hatched the plan of killing Tristian for her inheritance money a while ago—say when the will was read?"

Finch's eyes grew large. "Are you saying you think that Mr. Bryer is indeed innocent and that Mr. Arndt killed Mrs. Gibson to frame him because of the high-profile case because his wife works with the D.A.? Do you really believe Mr. Arndt to be capable of such a thing of such planning?"

"I don't know, but it's a possibility. But if Tristian ends up murdered all eyes would look right to Peter except if there is a scandal on one of the biggest trials of her boss's career that she's questioning. Then all eyes that would have looked at Peter will turn to the D.A's office, looking for a cover-up."

Finch sat there thinking and digesting this twisted theory that actually made a lot of sense, if Peter was capable of such planning. Then again, everyone believed he murdered Jessica, got away with it by making it appear like suicide. So the man did know how to manipulate a crime scene. He would need to contact the detectives to have them help look into this notion to either put it to rest that it was John's anger at Peter, or the truth. "It would also open up the possibility of suing the state in a civil lawsuit over her death as well, which would gain him even more money," Finch murmured, thinking out loud.

"Peter would get millions from the state," John agreed.

"Oh dear we received their num…names from our source recently so if this is in fact what is happening, then Peter plans to murder her soon." John noted Finch's stumble, he was sure he was going to say numbers rather than names, but wasn't going to pressure Harold on anything just yet. He wanted to think things over and what that could possibly mean of who or rather what he gets his 'reliable' information from. It didn't seem to be a human entity at all.

John stood up going to tug out his wallet. "Thanks for lunch, Finch." Finch looked up and smiled as he waved him off.

"I enjoy your company, Mr. Reese, and it was celebratory as you are buying that house my real estate agent found for you," he assured him before his smile slid away. "Please, John, remain away from Mr. Arndt. I know this isn't the outcome of our investigation that you wanted to hear but please if he is doing what we think he is then he's extremely dangerous."

There was no way in hell he was letting this go. "Finch, I won't do anything that leaves my daughter orphaned, she means everything to me, and I want to watch her grow up," he promised.

"That didn't exactly acknowledge my statement, John."

But John wasn't going to lie and say he would stay away, so he turned and exited without another word.

* * *

Fusco called Finch, putting his reading glasses on as he eyed the report. "Yes detective?" Finch answered after a ring or two.

"Alright, Einstein I pulled up the Bryer case for ya as you requested while Carter is raking over what Arndt was doing during the time of the Gibson murder."

"What happened, detective?"

"Well from appearances, this Tristian chick isn't so far off with her belief it was a set up. The detectives who investigated the case noted that there was forced entry into her home that at first glance it didn't appear like she knew her attacker. But D.A. Barnes explained it away when some circumstantial evidence turned up against Bryer that was found at the home."

"So there was evidence of forced entry."

"Yeah, plus her murder was done by a real amateur too. It was messy and clearly not professional, but because her home security cameras were kind of wonky there was no visual of who entered the home." Fusco added as he looked over the casefile.

"Could it have been wonky on purpose?" Finch asked.

Fusco shrugged. "Possible, but can't be proven. Also it was raining so there was evidence of a fresh muddy footprint of a man's shoe size thirteen and Bryer wears eleven's."

"How was that explained away in court?"

Fusco looked through some paperwork. "Barnes claimed that Bryer knew he would be the prime suspect so he purposely wore larger shoes than he wears to try to throw suspicion off him. And so far the defense has no counter-argument to refute the claim."

"Anything else that proves someone else may be the culprit, Detective?" Finch asked.

Fusco switched back to the casefile, scanning quickly. "There is something."

"What?"

"There was a lone piece of short blond hair found at the scene on the deceased. DNA analysis came back negative it wasn't Bryer's, the person the hair belongs to isn't in the system, and everyone connected to Gibson was tested so it wasn't family or friends."

Finch nodded his head. "Mr. Arndt has blondish short hair." He commented. "What about Mr. Bryer, what does he say, detective?"

"He swears he didn't kill her. He claims to have been at home alone all day and night the night Gibson was murdered. Pizza delivery guy confirms he delivered a pizza at the Bryer residence and Bryer was the one who paid for it at 6:37 PM, but Barnes is asserting that left more than enough time for Bryer to have gotten to her home and kill her by 6:52PM later that same evening."

Finch furrowed his brows. "How far away did the two live apart?"

"Ten minutes,"

Finch thought for a minute. Well in ten minutes from receiving the pizza that left five minutes to spare to have forced his way into the home and commit murder. That didn't leave a lot of time. But even though he doubted anyone could arrive at someone's place in ten minutes after ordering a pizza with traffic and lights getting in the way, there was no way to prove Bryer couldn't make it there in time to murder her. The evidence so far was circumstantial, but the man had motive.

"The only thing tying Bryer there physically is fingerprints found on Gibson's doorframe, but Bryer claims he must have left those when he visited her home previously during their stint as lovers before the restraining was placed." Fusco said.

"Wait, detective, they were lovers? I was under the impression that they hated one another."

"Yeah, it was a known fact through Gibson's friends that she was banging her enemy while talking trash about him on television. They had as her friends claimed 'hate-sex' until the day he threatened her and she placed that restraining order." Fusco commented.

Oh dear, the more he learned the more it sounded like Bryer had multiple reasons to murder her. D.A. Barnes could spin it any way he wanted. "What about the murder weapon?" Finch asked.

Fusco looked down at the report. "Standard 9MM, anyone can get their hands on those."

"Did Mr. Bryer have a permit for one?"

"Ding, ding, ding, you got it in one, Einstein." Fusco looked up and saw Carter hurrying her way over with purpose carrying her own manila folder.

"I think I found something." She said with a large smile.

"Hang on, I'll put Einstein on speakerphone." He said and Finch appreciated it.

"Alright detective, go ahead." Finch led. He couldn't believe the turn their investigation was taking due to John's out of the blue theory that Finch had suspected at first to have been spurned on out of anger.

Carter sat down on Fusco's desk. "I looked into Peter Arndt at the time of the murder of Gibson last year, anyone hatching a plot to kill his wife who works as assistant D.A., would have used Bryer to their advantage. The feud between Bryer and Gibson was TV's juiciest story for over a year before she was killed. Arndt was already up to his neck in debt with known loan sharks, he got his ass beat up pretty good too. Two weeks before Gibson's murder Tristian's parents were in that fatal accident, the will reading happened the day before Debra Gibson was murdered. That same day of the will reading Peter Arndt paid with a credit card 600$ at Silver & Gold Pawn Shop down in the Bronx which is known for their selling of unmarked handguns. I took it upon myself to call them up, as they keep records, and they found the purchase in question. Guess what Peter Arndt purchased, Finch?" Carter sounded smug.

"A 9MM handgun?" Finch supplied.

"Yes, but it gets better. Peter knows Franklin Bryer, however it's unclear if Tristian knows him or not, so Peter would know that Bryer had a permit for a 9MM. And John's photos of Peter meeting with that mystery guy, it took some doing and digging but I finally managed to I.D. him, he looked familiar to me because he's the defense attorney for Bryer."

Finch's brows furrowed perplexed. "Why in the world was Mr. Arndt meeting with Mr. Bryer's defense attorney in the dark in an alley?"

"Let's get the facts here, Finch. Peter is in big time debt and the in-laws were unfortunately killed in a fatal car accident but they put their foot down because Arndt can't touch that inheritance money, causing him all types of strife to come up with some cash. Arndt hatches a plot to get that inheritance money by taking out his wife that works in the D.A's office after the two year mark, kills Gibson knowing it would be a high-profile case, and now his wife is questioning the guilt of said case that her boss is working."

Finch nodded. "Yes, Detective Carter, I'm with you so far. But shouldn't the loan sharks want their money quicker?"

"Not really, they own his ass, Finch, and that's how they want to keep it. The longer he takes to pay the more interest they can tack onto him, so he's forever in debt with them and they're forever making money off that jackass."

Makes sense but Finch was still unsure on one aspect. "Can you please explain why Mr. Arndt would meet with Mr. Bryer's defense attorney?"

"My thinking is that Peter Arndt handed Bryer's defense attorney evidence that proves his client's innocence, which takes time to authenticate but will, and will also prove Tristian is right. Tristian is murdered then Barnes' case will conveniently implode within days after her murder, and look like a cover-up job within the office. John is right no one will look at the husband, when everything looks like a cover-up is happening. Peter has been planning this for a while and who knows who he's trying to pin the murder on, could be someone else within the D.A's office."

Finch sighed. Peter Arndt committed murder so he could commit another homicide because he was so far in debt with the loan sharks and couldn't get free. And as they had gotten his and his poor wife's numbers just recently that meant the careful plot to murder Tristian was coming to a heated boil.

Finch got an incoming call from Ms. Shaw. "Hold on detectives," he said before connecting with Shaw. "Yes, Ms. Shaw, is Tristian Williams alright?"

"We have a big fucking problem." Shaw snapped sounding irate.

"What do you mean, Ms. Shaw?"

"Reese," Shaw spat the word acidly.

"What about John?"

"I followed Tristian to the gym where she was headed for her self-defense class with Reese. He cancelled it, citing personal reasons. Paper was hanging up on the door."

Finch froze. "No Ms. Shaw, you don't believe…."

"That John is going after Arndt because everyone gave up on helping him prove his wife's death isn't suicide, I think it's safe to assume he is since he doesn't take days off ever."

Finch immediately switched to the detectives. "Detective Fusco?" he asked urgently.

"What, what's wrong, Einstein?"

"Have you heard from John? Is he or his daughter ill?" Please let one or both have fallen ill, which was a terrible thing to wish but it was better than the alternative.

"We aren't talking right now, he's angry with me but they were both fine yesterday, why?"

"Because I think Mr. Reese is going after Peter Arndt, he cancelled his self-defense class and judging from how he reacted to having to do so when his life was in danger, he doesn't like not teaching that class." Finch heard both detectives curse. "If I may, I could offer you some assistance in finding him."

"How?" Fusco demanded.

"I have a GPS tracker in his watch." Finch said as he shifted uncomfortably having to explain it.

"I don't even want to know why you are still tracking wonder-boy, just give me the damn coordinates so I can go save my best friend from doing something stupid!"

* * *

John followed Peter Arndt on foot the entire time, hating that he cancelled the self-defense class, but it was necessary. He had been following this man for the better part of four hours now, thankfully his baby was happy spending some time with Anna and her parents. John's lips tightened as he recorded Peter's side of the phone conversation of his hiring of a hit-man to kill his wife. He prayed Shaw was still with Tristian as he texted her. He trusted Shaw and Finch to protect her.

John followed Peter into an empty alleyway as he hung up. "Arndt!" he shouted. The man stopped in his tracks and turned around. His brows crashed together in shock.

"You!"

"I won't let you get away with killing another woman, not this time, Peter," John assured him as he walked further into the empty alleyway with the man that murdered Aubrey's mother.

* * *

AN: Since I'm not cruel to make you guys wait for a scrap of Careese, and because it took me a little longer than expected to post this because of how busy the week got :/ I'm giving a 2 for 1 special :D So no teasers!


	9. Chapter 9

Shaw thumped the steering wheel in anger as she drove a nice distance behind Tristian Williams. "We have to go get Reese!" Shaw commanded as she followed Tristian on her way home.

"Ms. Shaw, Detective Carter is headed for John's coordinates right now and Detective Fusco is headed where you're at. We need to make sure Tristian remains safe." Finch wasn't even sure how Detective Carter got Detective Fusco to agree to go help Ms. Shaw rather than go after John. It must have taken some cajoling on her end as Lionel was highly protective of John.

Shaw exhaled roughly. "I care more about Reese's safety than our number's, Finch. Carter likes him," she added as if that explained why John's life mattered more than Tristian Williams, but Finch suspected that John felt opposite.

"Ms. Shaw, Mr. Reese promised me he wouldn't do anything that could make his daughter an orphan. He loves his daughter more than anything, I trust his word."

"What happens if Peter takes him by surprise?" she demanded. She was really itchy to shoot Peter in the kneecap.

"Do you really think Mr. Reese wouldn't be able to handle himself with Peter Arndt who has no training, no military experience, and zero black belts against a man like Mr. Reese?"

"I think Reese is emotional over what happened to his near to be ex-wife and wanting to prove his wife's murder rather than suicide that he might get taken advantage of. This has nothing to do with his ability or skill. Reese won't be thinking clearly if comes face to face with that dickhead."

Shaw followed Tristian to her home with Arndt. She parked off to the side and realized she wasn't the only one following the woman. She tracked a dark sedan that pulled up about three houses down and the driver climbed out of the car. She eyed the guy before she got an incoming text from Reese. Her brows rose as she read the short text, then she looked and watched the guy screwing on a silencer as he walked towards the Arndt home. "Hold that thought, Finch, looks like Arndt didn't want his hands dirty for this one."

"Why, what's going on Ms. Shaw?"

She exited her car. "Reese just texted me that he recorded Arndt hiring an assassin to murder his wife and to be on the lookout, and the guy is here," she growled lowly as she stalked the man. "Hey, you, guy that looks like Baby Huey." She called out to the man she was following, he turned around. "You're not killing her," Shaw stated.

"You're right, not yet because you first." He snapped before whipping the gun toward her, she knocked it out of his hand, and went on attack. Shaw was a little surprised at his decent fighting skills as she had to duck, block, and go on defense a bit. "You little bitch!" he growled and she got angry at his 'little' comment throwing an annoyed punch but he blocked it, charging at her, but she sidestepped him.

Shaw pulled out her gun, as the guy slowly got to his feet, and she fired at his kneecap. The guy dropped easily, howling in agony holding his leg. "Don't ever make fun of my size," she hissed a little out of breath as the guy was like three times her weight and size, kicking him for good measure, before looking up seeing the woman she was protecting, staring in fear. "Get in the house, you're in danger, cops are on the way." The woman didn't need to be told twice as she disappeared back into the home. She just hoped Carter got to the bone head before he did something that got himself hurt.

* * *

John stood in the back alleyway in the night, watching Peter Arndt's face. He never felt so much rage as he did for this man. Yes, Jessica hurt him. And yes their marriage was a disaster, but this man still hurt her, ended her life far too soon.

"You killed Jessica." he said quietly.

"Jessica killed herself." Peter snapped. "And if anyone drove her to do it, it was you!"

John balled his hands into fists as he moved forward, gently stalking him. "Me?"

"You didn't even want her anymore, I would have moved heaven and earth to be with her, but she wanted _you_ ," Peter snarled. "What did she see in you? I looked into you John, I looked into who you were and you weren't good enough for her! You should have stepped away."

John refused to let Peter in on the fact that he never really believed he was good enough for her. "Stepped away? I didn't even know about you or the fact that she was engaged to you until after I was married to her."

"Liar, how could you not know?!" Peter demanded.

"She didn't tell me."

"I gave her a ring, a ring she loved and cried over. She was mine, we were going to go on vacation, but she had to work so she had to come the following day, and then she never showed up. And you want to know why? Because of you. You stopped her in the airport and then she called off our engagement! I loved her, you threw her away for your military career, I was the one that picked up the pieces, but you were still the one she wanted."

"I would never have asked her to dinner had I known she was engaged!" John got closer to Peter, loving nothing more than to bury his fist into his face.

"She told me all about you when we started dating. God, I had to endure countless stories about Saint John. John this, John that, god how I hated you and slowly those stories began fading away, and she was happy with me. She was happy to become Mrs. Peter Arndt until that moment in the airport when you came back. You stole her from me, and then, when she gave birth to that thing of yours, that's when she came to her senses and realized I was the one that really loved her. Because I loved her for her, you just used her for a kid that she didn't even want. Did you two even talk about the fact that she didn't want kids, or did it not matter to you?"

"Jessica never told me she didn't want children, then again she omitted a lot of things during our marriage."

"Because she had blinders on for you and the only reason she didn't abort that thing was because she knew she owned you by having your child. Jesse wanted you any way she could have you even though _I_ was the perfect choice for her." Peter eyed him with disgust.

John wondered if he ever really knew Jessica at all, their love affair the first time lasted six months and it was a whirlwind. But they never got around to the serious conversations, never talked about what they wanted. Then their meeting up at that airport seemed like fate, he just assumed she wanted the same life as he did; marriage, a house, and two kids. But he was dead wrong. John wondered if Jessica used Peter because she didn't know how to escape the life she was living that she didn't want. He wished she would have just been honest with him about not wanting to be Aubrey's mother, so they both could have been happy. He would have happily taken sole custody and allowed her visitation rights so she could have been as involved as she wanted. But now Jessica was dead and his daughter lost out having even a part-time mom.

Peter tugged him out of his thoughts as he spoke further. "Jess just wouldn't let you go, you were divorcing her so she could be free to be with me, and she still chose you over me."

John felt his fury build. "You took my daughter's mother from her because you were angry that she didn't choose you after I chose to divorce her?" he asked quietly, making sure he understood him right.

"I didn't mean to kill her, I didn't mean for her to hit her head and die, it just happened. I was so furious that she was choosing you again over me even though you were throwing her away like trash, that I lost it and shoved her away from me. I didn't even realize what I had done until I saw her lying on the ground, motionless."

John stared at him. "And to not go to jail you slit her wrists to make it look like Jessica killed herself because I wanted a divorce? The police bought it because she was on anti-depressants."

"You can't prove I killed her, I made sure of that."

John smiled softly. "You're right I couldn't. I couldn't prove you murdered Jessica, but I can now," John whispered as he pulled out his phone and stopped the recording. "Just as I can hand over the evidence I collected here tonight, like the man that you hired to murder Tristian. I won't let you hurt another woman." But instead of looking at Peter, he placed his phone onto the dumpster near him.

Peter eyed the phone, perhaps trying to figure out if he could reach it without getting near him, and then back at him. "What are you doing?" he wondered, as John removed his leather coat, placing it on top of his phone not, caring about the cold.

John looked at him as he rolled up his sleeves. "Simple really, there is one thing in this world that I love more than life itself and it's my daughter. You know that thing you mentioned, she has a name and it's Aubrey and she is everything to me. Aubrey asks about her mother every day, the mother that you took from her." He paused for a moment trying to quell the rage in him. "When my daughter was born I held her for the first time," John paused feeling emotional as he thought about it. "I promised her I would never let anyone hurt her and you hurt my daughter," John said quietly, as he stepped towards him. "So I'm going to _hurt_ you," he promised.

Peter eyed him in shock before John lunged forward but the chicken shit dodged him. "You don't want to do this," he tried, hands out pleading with him. "Stop, please," It infuriated John, why should he show him mercy when his daughter cried for a mother.

"Is that what Jessica said before you murdered her?" John demanded as he circled Peter like a predator, sizing him up for the right place to attack. John charged at the man as Peter reached for his coat to get the phone that had his confession on it. John tackled him to the ground and he attacked the man. John never felt so much anguish and anger spill out of him as he held Peter to the ground and punched him over and over again. Blood seeped out of Peter's nose as his knuckles collided with the man's nose, breaking it. He felt his knuckles burning and John's skill and years of training slid away, no technique or finesse, he just wanted to kick this man's ass.

"John!"

He didn't even realize he was crying until Joss's voice filtered over him. He spent the past few years trying to keep himself together for his daughter, the pain and anguish of coming face to face with the guy that helped destroy his marriage and murdered Jessica took its toll on him. But Joss, she was like some axis he whirled around, and would stop for her.

"Joss?" he whispered gruffly as he looked up, arm reared back and hand curled into a fist. Peter was curling inward trying to protect himself.

She nodded as she touched his face soothingly, rubbing the tears away. "Come on, no more, let me help you up."

He shook his head. "Grab my phone it's under my jacket. It has his confession on it."

"Before or after you started beating his ass?" she demanded.

"Before," he bit out as he eyed the whimpering man beneath him.

She nodded, hurrying to go grab it, pocketing it, and snatched up his coat too. She moved to him, and helped John stand, sliding his jacket on his shoulders before looking at Peter. Joss eyed the mess of a man, he had blood all over his face. His left eye was already swollen shut and bruises were quickly filling the man's cheeks, John kicked his ass good and plenty before she managed to get here. Perhaps, she was coming to make sure John was safe, but maybe Peter needed rescuing from John.

"Peter Arndt you're under arrest for attempted murder of Tristian Williams, for murdering Jessica Davis, and you are also under investigation for the murder of Debra Gibson," she said before pushing him onto his stomach and reading him his Miranda Rights as she arrested him.

"I want him arrested for assault!" Peter screeched. She rolled her eyes, what he figured if he was going down he was going to take the guy he hated for taking Jessica away from him with him. Not happening.

Joss eyed him. "I see no assault here, I see a man that was defending himself from you," she said reasonably.

"You pulled him off me!"

"You can cry that John attacked you all you want but the moment I say you attacked him first and he was defending himself, people will believe me, not you. So, forget it Arndt, you had it coming," she snarled as she tugged him away from John and towards the squad cars that were showing up. She handed him off to one uniformed officer. "His rights were read to him, bag this for evidence." She handed a different officer John's phone. "His confession is on it," she said before turning around, finding John slowly moving his way down the alley towards the scene unfolding before him.

Joss eyed him and then Peter who was in the back of the squad car. She moved towards John as it looked like a strong breeze would knock him over. She had no doubt he was emotionally drained at the moment. He came face to face with the man that murdered Jessica and helped destroy his marriage. But finally he could put the nightmare behind him.

"He's going to jail for a long, long time, John," she promised him, about to resist touching him for fear of her physical reaction but John needed it. She touched his arm and he jerked at her touch, like he had been under some sort of enchantment.

"I also have a recording of him hiring a hit man to kill Tristian on that phone too," he murmured.

She nodded. "Shaw called and took him down. I guess he made a comment about her size because she was still fuming about it."

He smiled a little. "I knew Tristian would be safe with that little angry woman following her." Joss smiled softly too. If Shaw was listening she'd want to kick John's ass for that 'little' comment too.

"Fusco has the guy arrested already and he's probably on his way here himself to make sure you're okay. I'll need your statement, then you can go home and be with your daughter. Now you can grieve the right way for what happened with Jessica," Joss said. John nodded his head a little jerkily like he wasn't fully aware of his movements and she led him to her car to drive him to the precinct.

* * *

Joss eyed John as he exited the interrogation room with Fusco after having come down to the precinct to give his written statement for them. He looked somewhat better now that Peter was in a holding cell and couldn't escape. His knuckles were red from the fight but otherwise physically he looked fine. Joss hurt the moment she came up on them in the alleyway, seeing the raw anguish pouring out of John, seeing him crying. He had buried so much pain over what happened during that time with Jessica it just seemed to have exploded out of him with Peter. She was glad it was nearly over for him. The only time it would be all over was when Peter was behind bars for the rest of his miserable and pathetic life.

"You okay?" she asked gently as he came up to her desk.

"Better, thanks," he said with a small smile. "Can we talk privately for a minute?"

She looked at him in surprise. "Sure, of course, we'll go into the interrogation room. Fusco, I'll be a few minutes." He nodded and eyed them with a look before he sighed as he sat down at his desk.

She led John back to the interrogation room he had just vacated with Fusco and closed the door. "What's up? Are you alright? It must have been a really overwhelming feeling coming face to face with the man that murdered your wife, destroyed your marriage."

"Joss, can I say what I need to?" he asked gently, looking sad.

She nodded her head. John looked so serious, something had to be wrong. "Is Aubrey alright, did something happen while she was at Anna's?" she questioned in concern.

"Aubrey is alright. It's actually about me and you," he admitted.

She nodded. "You mean about last night?" Of course he wanted to talk about last night, but she still wasn't prepared. She just needed a little more time to figure out if she could take the plunge or not.

"I need to ask you for some space," John said with an unreadable expression residing on his handsome face. She crossed her arms across her chest as that had not been what she was anticipating him to say.

"Space?" she tried to smile.

He nodded. "You wouldn't return any of my calls to talk about last night and I realized why, it's because we aren't at the same place and you didn't know how to let me down. You are still welcome to my daughter's birthday party and her dance recital if you want to come but I need to take a step back from you, Joss. I didn't want to just stop calling you or seeing you without you knowing why, that wouldn't be fair to you."

John looked pale and hurting before continuing. "I want more than just a fling with you Joss or just your friendship, I thought I could handle being just friends with you until you were ready, but it turns out I can't. Aubrey is already in love with you and I'm halfway there," he said. "Lionel is right, when I fall, I fall hard, and you are everything I ever wanted in a woman. And I'm not saying we can't be friends ever, I'm just asking for some space to be able to be just your friend eventually, Joss."

Joss felt like an invisible wall being erected with her being on the outside looking in. She helplessly looked at him feeling like she just lost everything. She didn't say anything, didn't know what to say, so she jerked her head up and down.

His smile was weak. "Thanks, Carter, for understanding." Her back stiffened as he referred to her as 'Carter' like Fusco and Shaw. John turned and walked out of the interrogation room leaving her to watch him.

* * *

AN: I pose a question; how do you keep two people who are drawn together like magnets apart, with one wishing for space because he's so in love with her and the other who is mistrustful of the passion and been burned too many times to take a chance?

Answer: You can't :D

Here's the teaser:

 **Aubrey turned and walked back to Joss who eyed the little girl's look. It looked like John's when he was mad, uh-oh, Aubrey didn't like Zoe one itty bitty bit.**

 **Aubrey looked at Zoe, then back to her. "Joss, who's that old lady talking to _my_ daddy?" Aubrey demanded and Joss snorted with laughter at Aubrey's question because, judging by the look on Zoe's face, she heard her.**

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a couple weeks since Peter was arrested and John asked for that dreadful space. Joss had cried off and on, missing him like crazy. She felt like she had been dumped with the amount of crying she had done over the man, she was pathetic. Not seeing or hearing him was cutting her heart open, making her realize she had not caught herself in time from falling in love with him. But did she even want to try a new relationship? She did some soul searching and being completely honest with herself, not being with John had very little to do with fear of putting her heart on the line, because she was already in love with the man and his cute as a button daughter. The simple reality that was keeping her from going to him, telling him how she felt, and just going for it with him was that she was scared. Every time she tried love, she lost, and she couldn't bare losing John or Aubrey too. They meant everything to her in such a short time. Joss loved them, but she couldn't shake that fear that gripped her that if she got together with John it would end for whatever reason and she'd never see him again. Joss didn't exactly have the best track record, so she gave John the space he asked for and was miserable without him.

Shaw had tried her level best at cheering her up; the woman's crude humor tended to work but it hadn't this time. Shaw and Lionel now referred to her as Eeyore and to be honest, she felt like it. Without seeing or speaking to John everyday sucked. And she just gave in to the crushing need to see the man because she had learned that Peter Arndt had charges upon charges being brought up against him and the prosecutor felt like they had a slam dunk on every single one. She thought John deserved to know, which was why she was at his place. It was a flimsy reason to be here but she'd take it to see him for a couple minutes. It was Saturday, her day off, and she wore tight jeans and a t-shirt, having to resist the urge to dress up.

Joss hesitated for only a second before she knocked on his door. It took a few moments before the door opened and his smile froze. "Joss, what are you doing here?" he asked gently.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked, feeling now a bit idiotic for being here after he requested space.

He shook his head before stepping back. "No, come on in," he said. She smiled and entered. She looked at him as her eyes ate him up. He looked gorgeous as he stood before her dressed in dress pants and a white dress shirt.

It was her turn for her smile to freeze. "You're going out on a date," she said, not asking.

John looked at her. "Yes," he agreed awkwardly.

She pasted a fake smile on her face. "I-uh, who with, anyone I might know?" she asked, feeling like she was just slugged in the stomach.

He furrowed his brows. "I doubt it, I actually met her through Shaw and Finch," he admitted.

"Who is she?" Joss demanded. If it was who she thought it was she was going to kill Shaw and Finch very slowly and painfully.

"Zoe Morgan," John supplied. Yep, they were dead.

"Zoe Morgan, the fixer?"

He nodded. "You know her?"

"I do," she conceded.

"I met her while Finch, Shaw, and I had lunch together and she swung by helping them with something for one those people they save. We talked briefly, she asked me to dinner and I agreed,"John explained. Of course Zoe would ask John to dinner, probably half the state of New York would like to take John to dinner, but he didn't tend to just go out with anyone. He must be somewhat attracted to Zoe to have agreed. Joss wanted to hit something, hard, and preferably Zoe's face.

"I-I-I'm happy for you, John," she forced out between clenched teeth, trying hard to mean it but couldn't. "But I did come here to tell you something,"she said, switching topics because the one they were on made her want to shoot someone. God, now she felt like Shaw. "It's about Peter."

"What about him? He's still in jail, right?"

But before she could even tell him the good news, her name was called out exuberantly by Aubrey who apparently was still home. "Joss, Joss!" Aubrey cried happily as she took the stairs quickly, carrying a black kitten with her.

Joss smiled as Aubrey rushed over with the kitten. "Ah, this must be Elsa." She had heard all about this cute little kitten when Aubrey talked to her on the phone, and she petted the little kitten on the top of its head.

There was another knock on his door, John immediately answered it. "Hello, John." Zoe Morgan said breathlessly as she stood there with a come hither smile that faded as she eyed Joss. "Detective," she greeted with less enthusiasm, less breathlessness to her voice, and with a not so dazzling smile.

Joss eyed the brunette with barely contained contempt. "Zoe," she greeted with fake cheerfulness.

John didn't recall telling Zoe where he lived, but knowing what she did for a living it wasn't unimaginable for her to have found out on her own. "Zoe, I thought we agreed to meet at the restaurant?"

"We did," she agreed before eyeing Aubrey. "But I was in the neighborhood and figured to surprise you. Who is this-this person that looks like you?" Zoe motioned at the child with the kitten, clearly shocked and a little horrified.

John was going to tell Zoe about his daughter at dinner, but now it seemed he was stuck as he looked down at Aubrey who cradled Elsa to her as his princess looked from Joss to Zoe. "I'm Aubrey," she announced before blatantly ignoring Zoe by turning her full attention on Joss. "Joss I want you to stay here with me, Elsa, and daddy."

"Uh," Joss started, having no clue what to say, but Zoe spoke up saving her.

"I didn't realize you had a child," Zoe said clearly disappointed.

John felt a headache starting to form, not liking the look on Ms. Morgan's face as she eyed his daughter. "I was going to tell you at dinner," he assured her, but glanced down at Aubrey when he felt her tugging on his hand. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Daddy, stop talking to her," Aubrey demanded. John felt his brows crash together, his daughter was never rude.

"Aubrey Rose, don't be rude," John said sternly. Aubrey turned and walked back to Joss who eyed the little girl's look. It looked like John's when he was mad, uh-oh, Aubrey didn't like Zoe one itty bitty bit.

Aubrey looked at Zoe, then back to her. "Joss, who's that old lady talking to _my_ daddy?" Aubrey demanded and Joss snorted with laughter at Aubrey's question because, judging by the look on Zoe's face, she heard her.

"She's your dad's…reason he needs to go out tonight," she muttered, annoyed with Zoe herself. Something flashed through Aubrey's eyes before the little girl handed her the kitten as John spoke with Zoe.

Joss eyed the little girl perplexed before Aubrey turned to look at John. "DADDY!" She shouted and just like that Aubrey burst into tears as John whirled around.

John immediately went to his daughter. "Baby, what's the matter?" he asked as he crouched down, and Aubrey launched herself into his arms.

Joss smirked. Oh John's daughter was good, getting rid of the woman she didn't like with crying. Good girl, Joss thought. Zoe was a viper and John didn't know what he was getting into with her. John rubbed her back and looked to Joss with a confused expression, clearly wondering if she knew what upset Aubrey. Joss shrugged as she held the kitten and petted it sweetly. Elsa meowed happily.

He sighed as he scooped his daughter up, hugging her as she cried in his shoulder, and she clung to him like a vine. He looked at Zoe. "Zoe, can we maybe reschedule?" he asked halfheartedly, really not wanting to.

Zoe smiled politely. "Sure, we'll set something up," she assured him before she turned and hurried away. No sauntering, no snazzy and sly come on. John watched Zoe leave, knowing for damn sure he was never going to call her and she wasn't going to be looking for it.

Joss watched as John closed the door and nearly immediately Aubrey popped her head up with a smile brightening her face as she looked at her over his shoulder, clearly happy with herself. Joss shook her head; John was going to have his hands full trying to date with a possessive little girl on his hands.

"Sweetheart, why were you crying?" John asked gently, rubbing the tears away. Aubrey looked at him. "Aubrey?"

She shrugged. "I didn't want you to leave with the old lady. I want you to stay here with me, Joss, and Elsa." John stared intently into his daughter's blue eyes that mirrored his.

Joss walked up to the pair, handing the little girl the kitten. "Aubrey, you can't just invite me over without your daddy's permission, it's not nice."

"Daddy, I want Joss to stay over, please." John looked at his daughter. He set Aubrey onto her feet, petting the kitten softly before looking at her.

"If you want Joss to stay over and Joss wants to, that's fine. But, baby, if Joss wants to go home she has that right," John said. Aubrey immediately smiled, getting her way as she whirled around to look at her. Joss looked at John, before looking back down at his daughter.

"Will you stay over, please, Joss?"

 _Tell Aubrey no, say you have to go, he wants space, Joss_. "I'd love to stay," she said instead.

* * *

John eyed his daughter who was sprawled out on top of Joss asleep. Joss was absently stroking the child's hair as the evening wound down. It was already past nine at night. He cleared his throat. "I'll take her," he said quietly, setting the kitten that was sound asleep on top of him, beside him. Elsa meowed in irritation.

Joss smiled as she shook her head as she stood up with his daughter in her arms. "You forget I had years of experience," she teased. Aubrey had changed into pajamas about an hour and a half before. John wanted her in them while they watched the movie because he had a suspicion his little girl would fall asleep before the credits. John stood up picking up the meowing kitten and carried her with them as they put Aubrey to bed.

Joss smiled immediately as they entered her room. "Aubrey loves stuffed animals," he explained quietly as they entered. Joss put his daughter in her bed, careful to avoid the mountain of stuffed animals, while John took care of the kitten, placing her into her little bed with a bunch of blankets that was seated in the corner of his daughter's room. Elsa immediately curled up to go back to sleep.

John walked over to his daughter, bent and kissed her on the forehead before they exited together. He softly shut the door. He turned and saw Joss watching him. "I'm sorry for saying yes about staying," she apologized immediately.

"It is okay, Joss."

"No it's not, you asked for space for a reason and I should have asked you before I said yes."

He nodded and while it was true, he had been relieved she stayed. He missed her a lot. Even though he knew he needed this, he also needed to be around her. Not calling her and not seeing her, these last couple of weeks was very hard. Joss seemed to brighten up his day. But Aubrey didn't help, she constantly asked about her, constantly wanted to call her, was excited she was coming to her birthday party that was fast approaching. Originally it was just going to be Uncle Lionel, Lee, Anna, her parents, some other of Aubrey's friends, and that was it. Now he had them plus Joss, Uncle Finch, and Miss Shaw. He winced remembering Shaw trying desperately to figure out how to tell his little girl 'no,' but failed when every excuse was combatted by his little pro. It wouldn't surprise him if she became a lawyer when she was older. John was amused at the very idea of Shaw being at a five year old's birthday party, he might take some photos for blackmail purposes in the future.

John forcefully yanked himself out of his musings and eyed Joss who was quietly gazing at him. "You never did get to tell me why you came over, Joss."

"Right, Peter has been arraigned for multiple charges of first degree murder against him, plus conspiracy, and a boatload of other charges. He'll be in prison for life where he can't hurt anyone ever again. Prosecutor is highly confident that he'll be put away, and I thought you'd want to know,"'she said.

He smiled. "I did, and thanks."

She smiled in return. "So, have you and Lionel patched things up?"

He laughed softly. "Yeah, we did. Tell me why you had someone unseal my record, Joss?"

"I wanted to know more about you. It wasn't done with malicious intent and I'm sorry you felt like that," she said and he nodded.

"Do you know about my mother?" he asked afraid that the reason she didn't want to be with him because of his past. He would not nor could he undo what he had done, but he could understand why she, a wonderful cop, wouldn't want to be with him. He had been in trouble with the law as he had pickpocketed, shoplifted, and conned to put food on the table for him and his despondent mother until he was old enough to work for a living. All the money that his mother would receive from the state for him would go to keeping the roof over their head and alcohol.

She furrowed her brows and he breathed in a sigh of relief. She clearly had no idea. "No, what do you mean?"

"Never mind, do you know why Aubrey reacted the way she did with Zoe?" he asked quickly to keep the subject off of his mother and past.

Joss shrugged. "I have a guess."

"Let me hear it."

"You might not like it, John."

John smiled. "Regardless if I like it or not, please, I need to know why she was crying. And I trust your opinion."

"She doesn't want to share you."

Out of everything she could have said he had not been figuring that. "Excuse me?" No, that couldn't be it, Aubrey wasn't possessive like that.

"John your daughter has had your undivided attention for quite a while now, she's been the only woman in your life, and then up walked Zoe who was going to get to spend the evening with you instead of her. Aubrey cried and got you to cancel. Plus she didn't like Zoe at all, not even a teensy bit. I think your daughter doesn't like other women around you."

"But she doesn't mind you," he said confused. "She doesn't even mind Shaw either, finally warming up to her. I think it amuses her that she can make Shaw tongue tied."

"I could be wrong. But your daughter is a sweet little thing and she was not happy with Zoe Morgan, not whatsoever." He saw the look Zoe gave his daughter and it was the same look Jessica gave her and he needed to find a woman that liked both him and his daughter, someone like Joss. The ache that he couldn't have this woman grew a little larger. "So I noticed a lot of your things are in boxes, planning on moving?" she asked gently as they walked down the stairs together, drawing him out of his depressing thoughts.

He nodded. "Yeah, Finch helped me find this amazing place that I just signed on the dotted line for four days ago. We're moving in after I paint the home I don't want my daughter breathing in paint fumes. My lease is up next month anyway so I can take all the time I want to get things squared away before we move in."

"That's great, I'm happy for you John. Where is it at?" she asked gently, hopeful he was still living close.

"In the heart of Manhattan about two miles up from here actually, closer to Central Park which Aubrey is excited about too. It is a nice brown bricked townhome with three bedrooms and a decent sized backyard for Aubrey to play in. It's about ten minutes from your place in fact."

She smiled. "Oh I know those, they are nice, and Central Park is close." And even better was that he was walking distance away, she could see him whenever she wanted.

"Finch knows a lot of people I guess because the seller wanted out and sold the place to me for sixty thousand. Finch's real estate agent said that was like nearly ten times lower than market value."

Joss had a feeling Finch knew the seller extremely well, since he was most likely the seller. Finch was a very giving man and it was obvious her oddball friend liked John and valued his friendship. "I see…"

John furrowed his brows at that. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing, I can't wait to see it when it's all done. I'm assuming you won't have it ready for Aubrey's birthday party next weekend," she said, trying desperately to deflect the conversation away, otherwise she would end up telling him the truth. Joss had a feeling that John wasn't going to be happy to learn Finch was probably the owner.

He shook his head. "You're changing the subject, Joss, what do you mean by 'I see,' you say it like you're suspicious."

"It's nothing."

"Joss, tell me."

She sighed. "It's just that I think the seller is Finch and I think he wanted to give you the home but knew you wouldn't accept such an extravagant gift so he set this ruse up," Joss said slowly.

John stared at her for a moment. "I think I need to call Harold." It all made sense now. The low-ball price, the way the real estate agent kept asking Harold if he was sure. How Harold knew so much about all the details that went into the renovation. He should have trusted his gut that there was something funny going on, that man was like a billionaire! He couldn't even stop the proceedings because the mortgage went through and the seventy-two hour waiting period was already long gone since the signing. The house was his, legally.

"Go easy on him John, he doesn't have many friends and it's obvious he likes you."

"He gave me a house, Joss!"

"Technically you still paid for it," she countered and he glared at her. "Well you did, it was just well below reasonable market value," she added and the man's scowl intensified. "How about you just accept that people care about you, John?"

"I don't like people handing me things."

"Why?" she furrowed her brows.

But John didn't take the bait. "Thanks for telling me about Peter," and Joss heard it. The subtle hint to go home, give him the space he asked for and she forced a smile. Because he deserved this, but her feet felt like they were rooted and she couldn't move. She didn't want to leave him.

"Right, I guess I'll see you next weekend for Aubrey's birthday party."

He nodded slowly. "Yes, next weekend."

"Okay."

"Goodnight, Joss." Another hint to leave, yet her feet remained rooted in spot.

"Night," she said, staring at him.

John felt stuck in a crazy eye lock with her. She seemed as unable to move as he was unable to look away. "Night," he muttered.

She cursed herself as she imagined herself launching herself forward, grabbing his cheeks, and tugging his head down so she could kiss him desperately. Just to see if he was still hung up on her or not, which was wrong. However as wrong of an idea that it was, she couldn't fully banish it from her brain as she took an involuntary step forward wanting to suck tenderly on his sexy mouth before she finally broke free of the agonizing staring contest.

Joss whirled around and grabbed her jacket from the hook it rested on before tugging it on hastily. He watched her out like the gentleman he was, waited until she was in her car with the engine on before he closed his door. Joss eyed his closed door, before leaning her head against the headrest and her shoulders slumped. She despised feeling indecisive with one half of her wanting to shy away from him, protect her heart from pain that she didn't want to feel again; while the other half wanted to go for it because loving and losing was better than not trying at all. She looked at his place one last time and for now the half that wanted to walk away won out as she slid the car into drive, and pulled away from the curb.

* * *

AN: I had fun writing this chapter. Next one has Iris, so a fair-warning but she is only around for maybe a quarter of it or less and the rest is Joss, then Careese, and some Joss/Fusco stuff. And if you are waiting patiently (or impatiently) for some real GOOD Careese, then chapter 12 is for you let's just say our baes share a moment that's eye-opening for our Jossy poo. I'll be posting the next couple actually kind of quickly just because I know you guys are waiting for Careese, so chapter 12 should be posted on Thursday :) 

Thanks for reading XOXOX


	11. Chapter 11

Joss was taking primary on the cold case the captain handed them while Fusco worked some of their more recent murders. She dug for any sort of clue to give the parents to young adult Jermaine Goodwin some closure. Jermaine Goodwin was just eighteen years old, found dead on a street corner, shot twice in the back of the head, just four days after his graduation. He had plans of going to Stanford on a full ride with a scholarship. There were very little details to go on but she was going to see Elias, hoping he could shed some light. After three years, Elias was still out on the streets looking to take over the city by taking down the Russians.

Joss entered the diner Elias had agreed to meet her at, finding him and Marconi sitting at a booth waiting for her. "Thank you for meeting me, Elias," she spoke, taking a seat across from them.

He smiled as he waved her off. "I always enjoy seeing my favorite detective, though I do hope this is a social call rather than business."

She eyed him sternly. "I'll never be calling you for a social visit, Elias," she said bluntly before opening the manila folder. "I have a cold case I'm working on and I need some information; the original detective on the case got nowhere."

"Who was the detective on the case?"

"Terney," she bit out. Had maybe she and Fusco gotten this case instead of him, maybe this case wouldn't be unsolved right now. She pulled out a photo of Jermaine. "His name is Jermaine Goodwin, do you recognize him?" she asked purposely withholding any information that she did know to see what Elias knew and how forthcoming he would be.

"Yes, of the name."

"Tell me."

Elias sat back. "I don't know much but what I do know is that he was initiation," he said quietly.

"Initiation—for what, or rather more importantly, for whom?" She asked.

Elias quietly ate his lunch. "Look into his sister; Floyd. It's a part of The Brotherhood gang initiation, proving your loyalty to them."

"By leading a family member to their death, for what reason, proving that blood is not thicker than water?" She demanded. She tended to know the gangs rather well since she worked homicide, so this Brotherhood gang had to be an up and coming one because she had not heard of it until now.

"I only know the leader's first name which is Dominic, he has one rule; that they all die in the end. So when he initiates new members, they must prove that they are in agreement with his way of thinking."

She looked at him. "How do you know all this?"

Elias smiled. "Easy, I like to know my enemies, detective, and Dominic is trying to settle on my turf to make a name for himself. So I did a little research into them and how they go about their business. Be careful detective, this Dominic is good and no one has seen his face as of yet."

"Similar to what you had done," Joss said.

"Yes and we know how that ended."

"I'll catch them just as I caught you," she guaranteed.

Elias chuckled. "Yes, well I am a free man once again thanks to you, my dear Jocelyn. But heed my warning, be careful, or maybe let this one go altogether." If she didn't know any better it sounded like Elias was worried about her.

She shook her head as she stood up. "No can do, but I appreciate the warning I'll take it into consideration when I'm arresting their asses."

Marconi watched her. "How about you stay and finish lunch with us, detective?" he suggested.

She smiled, knowing of Marconi's crush on her. "I can't, I have some Brotherhood members to go find and wrangle up so I can get some justice for Jermaine. Bye Anthony," she said before gathering the photo up and the manila folder before leaving.

* * *

John was desperate. He couldn't stop thinking about Joss and was close to resorting to something he had not wanted; a blind date. But he needed someone to forget Joss, to forget this pain that settled in his heart and that was quickly growing. And looking for a woman on his own wasn't working because he was comparing every single woman to Joss and they didn't measure up. The only woman so far that he had agreed to go out with him had been Zoe and that had been a mistake. Aubrey had reacted badly, and Zoe wasn't looking for the same thing as he was.

John was at the gym working out, silently wondering what was the matter with him? There had to be something wrong with him if he was in his early forties and still single, again anyway. Maybe he just wasn't love-worthy material. His own mother had chosen booze over him, maybe that was a sign, maybe his mother was trying to save him from heartache, because he wasn't good enough and should just stop trying to find someone who could love him. Joss and Jessica didn't want him, while Zoe and Veronica only wanted to fuck him. He sighed as the depressing thoughts chipped away at his resolve to look for love. Why bother?—he had Aubrey who loved him, faults and all. She didn't care that he was unlovable to everyone else, he was her daddy.

"Hi again,"

John forced himself out of his gloomy thoughts, turning to look, and saw the pretty redhead named Iris climbing onto the treadmill beside him. They had been running into each other a lot these last few weeks at the gym. He smiled. "Good morning, Iris, still stalking me I see," he teased her, liking the redness that gently shaded her cheeks. And this time was no exception.

Iris smiled as she started at a leisurely pace. "In your dreams, John," she rebuffed.

He laughed softly. "So Iris, what is it that you do?" he asked. He never really talked with her before, as rather they just worked out together quietly.

"I'm a psychologist, which I love. I'm actually employed by the New York City Police Department as their psych consultant for all their major precincts in the area. It keeps me hopping."

John eyed her suddenly. "Do you know a Lionel Fusco?"

She smiled. "I know _of_ him. He gives me a wide berth." John furrowed his brows. Why would Fusco give a beautiful woman a wide berth that didn't sound like Lionel? She must have sensed his confusion. "John, not many detectives and officers want to be seen anywhere near a psychologist."

"Oh," still clearly confused.

She shrugged as she ramped up the speed slowly and he did the same. "I want to help them even if they view me as an unnecessary evil. I've been around cops my entire life."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah my dad, three brothers, two aunts, and an uncle are all police."

John allowed his surprise to show. "Your whole family is police."

"Going back five generations." She admitted.

"You ever think of doing the job?"

"I did, I even went through the academy and everything. But I was more interested in what was going on in the other cadets' heads. But what about you, John, what is it that you do?"

He smiled. "Well for a long time I was in the military, but now I'm an instructor at the police academy. I'm a weapons instructor and I teach self-defense classes at a different gym Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

"Wow, if you were my instructor I might have actually finished becoming a cop." She muttered under her breath, then her cheeks flushed, and he smiled as she grew embarrassed. "So which branch did you serve?" she asked quickly.

"Army, rose up through the ranks and reached Special Forces, and did two tours."

"Why'd you quit the army?" she asked curious as they ran nearly in time together.

"I wanted a wife and family, something I didn't believe I would have if I remained in the military."

"Did you get those?"

"Yeah, both actually, I have a beautiful five year old daughter. She's turning six this Saturday." John couldn't help but feel pride swell his chest out, a smile twitch his lips up as he thought of his princess. His fast growing up princess, he remembered when he was changing her diapers.

"What's her name?"

"Aubrey."

Iris smiled. "That's a beautiful name."

"I agree."

"What happened to Mrs. John?" Iris asked, unsure of his last name.

He looked away, feigning interest in the treadmill. "She was murdered."

Iris immediately reached out, touching his bicep, and he looked at her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't know. I had actually served her divorce papers; we had a rough marriage and she was murdered by the guy that she was cheating on me with."

Iris felt a stronger surge of attraction to this man. The more she learned the more intriguing he was. But did she want to try asking out a man that had a daughter? It wasn't that commitment scared her, rather she was longing for love in her life. She felt so lonely. Her Burmese cat Ellie was her only company on most nights, and for a woman at the age of thirty four that was pretty pathetic. But she spent much of her life helping others with their problems, but she couldn't even begin to fix her own.

"So if I asked you out, would you agree?" Iris asked slowly.

John cocked a brow as he looked at her. "I thought you weren't here to hit on me." He commented.

She smiled. "I didn't say I was going to ask you out and if I did I'd wait until we were done exercising." She assured. "But you didn't answer me John, would you agree?"

He almost said no. But he was desperate to find someone to make him want Joss less, and he couldn't do that if he didn't go out with anyone. "Sure, I'd agree if you were asking me out. I would get your number to give you a call for when and where, but this is all hypothetical since you're not asking me doctor." he teased.

Iris smiled and he returned it as he turned to focus on running once more.

* * *

Joss entered the restaurant, hanging up her coat in the coat closet near the door. She was glad that Shaw had texted her for drinks. She needed it since she could not find a clue as to where Floyd Goodwin was, nor any solid link of finding the hideout where the Brotherhood was known to hang out at. She was going to speak to some detectives in the gang unit to find out if they had a location or any sort of clue to find them. She was going to get Jermaine Goodwin the justice he deserved, regardless of how long it took.

Joss was about to head to the bar of the restaurant when she happened to glance around her surroundings. She was shocked when she found John sitting alone at a table for two looking a little dejected. He had a fist balled up under his chin, picking at his food. He was dressed up and she felt a pit of jealousy grow, knowing he was on a date. She looked around searching for Shaw, however didn't see her and was unable to stay away from John as she walked up to him. It was the polite thing to do, go say hello, she reasoned.

"Hey," she greeted unsure of her welcome.

John immediately looked up and his expression cleared up marginally. "Hey," he responded back softly.

A waitress appeared. "Are you his guest?"

"No, I'm a friend," she corrected and the waitress smiled immediately. Joss smirked as she flirted a little with John, then left in a flourish. Joss turned to look at John again. "About to be on a date, eh?" She tried to sound casual even though she was picturing ways of how to beat this bony girl's ass.

John's face fell. "Actually, the date was supposed to start a while ago, and she still has yet to show up."

Joss couldn't help her gaping look, but she was stunned. "Seriously?" she asked incredulously. Not that she wasn't thrilled that the woman didn't show because she was, but who in their right mind would stand this man up?

His eyes connected with hers. "Yeah, Iris probably got a load of me thinking I'm too eager or something and went the opposite direction, not to mention setting up the date to be the same day she even hinted at going out. I think I'm trying too hard." he muttered as he continued to pick at his food.

Joss snorted, was he insane? "There must be another reason than that, maybe she fell ill or something."

"Maybe."

Joss couldn't believe it; her gorgeous John had a serious self-esteem issue. He honestly believed the woman looked at him and ran the opposite direction. She was in his house, in his bathroom before, so she knew the man owned a mirror. "John, there is no way I believe any woman that looked at you would run the opposite direction. You are drop dead gorgeous. One look at you and she would be toast." Her included, she thought with a wry sigh.

John looked up at her and his smile wasn't real, it was faked to pretend like he was cheered up. "You think I'm gorgeous?" he teased and it sounded hollow at best. She slid into the seat across from him, not fooled by the weak attempt at humor.

"John, why the low self-esteem?—you are gorgeous, intelligent, and fascinating." She couldn't fathom it. It was another interesting facet to his personality that this beautiful virile man could suffer from such low self-esteem. It made her wonder once more about his past and what she didn't know about that could possibly explain to her how he felt like he wasn't good enough.

He shrugged softly. "I probably look like I'm wife and mother hunting which probably scared Iris off. It will scare off any woman, including you." Joss let that pass because she wasn't scared off by that.

"Most women are looking for commitment. John I think maybe there was an extraneous circumstance that forced this no-show from this woman."

"Possibly."

Joss knew he asked for space, but she just couldn't leave him alone with that sadness still plaguing him. "May I keep you company?" she questioned, not wanting to overstep her boundary.

John looked at her, then nodded. "I would appreciate you staying," he said quietly, nearly shy all of a sudden, and she realized he didn't want to be alone. Joss felt her insides twist with determination to figure this man's past out. There had to be more to it than just his issues with Jessica that made him this way and she was going to damn well find out what that something was.

She smiled at him as the waitress appeared once again, and she ordered dinner. "I thought I was meeting Shaw but the little imp isn't here, she must have been called away. I'm going to text her to make sure she's alright." It wouldn't be the first time that Shaw called her up for drinks only to have to go save one of their hapless numbers and canceling on her.

Joss's wine was placed in front of her by a disgruntled waitress and she giggled because clearly the waitress wanted John to remain alone. John eyed the waitress questioningly before she left. "I wonder what happened to her friendly mood." Joss eyed him incredulously. Sometimes it baffled her how John didn't know his effect on women. She got an incoming text and she eyed it strangely. "What's wrong, Joss? Is Shaw alright?"

"Shaw's fine, but she says she never texted me for drinks here," Joss said before she looked for the text that she got about an hour ago from her friend and handed her phone to John. "That says come here for drinks at this time, right? From Shaw?"

He eyed it. "Yeah, Shaw must be suffering from Alzheimer's and here I thought I was older than her," he teased. She chuckled. She put her phone away.

They shared conversation for the rest of the evening, she relentlessly teased the man trying to get a smile out of him, and slowly his mood brightened. Joss mildly felt like this was a date when he offered to drive her home when he learned she didn't have her car because she had figured she was going to be drinking.

"Thanks, John, but since I'm alcohol free I think I'll head back to the precinct to finish up a little bit of paperwork," she admitted.

He looked at her. "I can still drive you."

She smiled. "I know but I'll be fine taking a taxi, John, you go on pick up your cutie-pie from Anna's house," she reassured him.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

He nodded. "Alright, see you this weekend for Aubrey's birthday party," he said before turning and walking towards his Chrysler 300. Joss watched him wait for her to hail a cab like the gentleman he was, he waited until she climbed inside before he pulled away from the curb. It took about fifteen minutes to get to the precinct with the traffic and missing nearly every damn light.

She entered and hurried to her desk but rather work on paperwork as she told John she was going to do, she instead had something else in mind entirely. She was going to have a little look-see into his past. John's low self-esteem upset her. Something was definitely up with that sexy man and she was going to find out exactly what now.

"Hey, I thought you were out having drinks with the munchkin?" Fusco said looking up from his computer. He had stayed behind trying to work on the homicide of the John Doe, stripped butt naked, and found in an abandoned office building.

Joss sat down. "She cancelled, figured I'd do a little work here before heading home." He nodded and allowed them to lapse into silence. The bullpen that was usually jumping was quiet at this time of night.

Joss silently wondered where to start on the mystery that was John, and the immediate answer was his mother. Joss recalled the strange question he had asked her the night when Zoe had all but ran off in the opposite direction from him after learning about Aubrey. He had asked her if she knew about his mother and was clearly relieved when she hadn't a clue as to what the hell he was talking about. But more than just that, all their conversations they shared, John kept their conversations in the present tense and if Joss somehow managed to get something about his past it would be about his military career, when Aubrey was born, or his past with Jessica. But he was mum about his mother and father.

She immediately logged in on her computer to research John's mother, but she needed a name so she drew up John Davis's old birth certificate searching for his mother's name. She smiled, Lindsay Davis, sounded like such a normal name. She found the woman's birth certificate after getting his mom's maiden name which took some haggling, a marriage license to John's dad who he was aptly named after, and her death certificate dated July 6th 1990. Joss did mental math, her death was just a couple months past John's eighteenth birthday.

She furrowed her brows as a thought crossed her mind and she rummaged on her desk for the file on John that she suspiciously kept by her to peruse his photo from the military. She shifted through things in his file looking for his minor rap sheet. As she remembered, John was arrested July 15th 1990 and then in August was in front of a judge, forced to choose between boot camp and jail. He was arrested for a physical altercation. Joss set the file down. So John was arrested 9 days after his mother died, which meant John was grieving and lashed out.

Joss looked back into his mother, finding a police report on her death which didn't fully surprise her. His mother was quite young when she passed away as she had been nineteen when she had John. She read the report and gasped.

"What's wrong, Carter?" Joss looked up and saw Lionel looking her way, concerned.

"N-nothing," she assured him, quickly masking her shock. Fusco shrugged and looked down, working on a case he was taking primary on while she worked the cold case for them.

She looked back at her computer and read the police report and she shook her head. John's mother had hung herself. She scrolled down to the handwritten statement by John, who found his mother dead. Joss saw the unevenness to his handwriting, knowing he must have been devastated. It made sense now, why John was so adamant about not believing Jessica committed suicide as he should know, his own mother had done it.

"Looking into John's mother, eh?" Joss jumped a mile, realizing Lionel hadn't let it go. She looked over her shoulder where Lionel was crouched. "It's a sad story, Carter."

"Did he tell you about her, Lionel?"

Fusco shook his negative. "No, John's not one to talk much about his past but especially his mother. I think it dredges up bad memories for him." She nodded her head. "Did you look up everything about her?" he asked.

"There's more?" What else could there be?

"Yeah, a lot more. Look into the file you have on John, you'll figure it out, but I have to run, I got a lead on the John Doe. I think I might finally I.D. him."

She eyed him. "Need backup?" He shook his head before walking back to his desk.

"No, but I'll definitely call if I do." Fusco assured her and she nodded. She grabbed John's file on her desk and started looking.

* * *

AN: The Iris thing gets cleared up in chapter 12, though she doesn't make anymore appearances, and you'll realize why she was included. And since you guys are down for anything I'll give a nice little teaser for next chapter to just whet the appetite for something far more substantial than these last few chapters of Careese:

 **"I dare," he said before he threw it at her, smacking her in the arm with the snowball.**

 **She glowered at him. "Oh it's on!" she declared before she bent to ball up more snow. They reverted back to children, having forgotten that they were supposed to be finishing up the snowmen for his daughter's birthday party that was to get underway in about an hour.**

There is some extra little goodies in there to make it extra fun XD But it won't be posted until tomorrow sometime. Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

"It will be fine, Shaw," Joss reassured, keeping the phone in the crux of her shoulder and ear, while she curled her hair. It was finally Aubrey's birthday and she was excited to see John's adorable baby girl on her big day. She just knew his daughter was going to look like a princess.

"Of course it will be, I'll have my gun," Shaw replied.

Joss rolled her eyes. "It is a little girl's birthday party, what are you going to do, shoot a clown?"

Shaw made a sound of disgust. "There's going to be a fucking clown? Then I'll definitely need my gun, you never know if he's some pedophile. If he touches Aubrey in any way I'm shooting him, and it won't be in the kneecap, I don't trust those fake painted on smiles," she snarled. Joss clamped down on the urge to laugh. Shaw was smitten with Aubrey, in Shaw's way. If anyone could get at the emotionally stunted woman it was children, as she recalled Gen with a smile.

"To be honest, I don't believe John hired a clown, but I do know that Finch hired a female actress to play Elsa for his daughter, much to John's protests that fell on deaf ears," she muttered as she applied makeup.

"Who the hell is Elsa?" Shaw demanded.

"It's a character from a movie, Shaw. I'm heading over to John's place early to help set up things since Fusco can't because Lee had a hockey game today." She had been shocked and immensely happy that he had called her for help. "His daughter is with her best friend and the parents to let him surprise Aubrey with a Frozen theme. He needs help setting up and asked me. He liked my idea of making Olafs in the fresh snow that fell last night." She could see Aubrey's face when she looked out and saw their Olafs greeting her. She'd love them.

"Whatever, I already got the kid the best gift….a day pass to the gun range." Shaw announced with real pleasure twinging her voice.

Joss's jaw dropped. "She turned six today, she's not old enough for that! Stick to the list, Shaw!"

"That list blows! It has a bunch of dolls and other frilly little girly things."

"Yeah, those tend to be the things that little girls want the most. John will kill you if you give his daughter a day pass to the gun range! Find something else to give her."

* * *

"Shaw wanted to give my daughter what?" John demanded as they stood outside of his rented townhome in the backyard, making the snowmen. His daughter was out with Anna and her parents, being treated to a fun little outing so he could surprise her with the Frozen theme. Inside his home was done, it was glittery, blue, and decorated with so much Frozen, Elsa, and Olaf related stuff John would be seeing it in his nightmares for weeks to come.

After Lee's hockey game Lionel would be picking up the cake with the Disney Princesses on it, with purple frosting as his baby girl loved the color purple, which was anytime now. Presents littered the floor already from him, Joss, and Finch. There had to be twenty gifts from Harold alone. The man left just a few minutes ago to go pick up the actress he paid to play Elsa.

"Don't worry John, I told her to stick to the list, she seemed grumpy, but promised to not give your daughter the day pass to the gun range," Joss reassured him.

John shifted his gaze a little to look at her before looking back at his supposed Olaf Snowman. Okay, the idea Joss had was great, but maybe too much for his feeble snowman making skills because his snowman was a little too plump to be Olaf, he thought with a frown. John turned to eye how Joss's was coming along, but got sidetracked by her.

She turned to look at him. Her nose was a little red and watery from the cold, her gloves were covered in snow, and her hair was wind-blown and she had to be the sexiest woman he ever seen in his life. He immediately looked away when he realized he wanted to beg her to reconsider this 'friendship' stuff. It wasn't a wonder no woman wanted him, he was pathetic. After Iris stood him up, when he had picked up his daughter he told Lionel about it and he had been stunned that a woman pulled a no-show on him. John conveniently left out that Joss had met up with him and shared dinner with him instead. He didn't want to hear Lionel tell him to stop waiting because he was trying. It just wasn't working because he still only wanted Joss Carter.

He ran into Iris at the gym the other day, learnt why she never showed, and he didn't believe her. He could see she was sad when he refused to set up a new date but he just couldn't trust it. He stayed with Jessica even though he didn't trust her any longer and he wasn't going to do it again. Maybe had she said she fell ill and forgot to call him, or that she got busy at her office then he might have believed her. But believing that her cell phone went on the fritz that it locked her out, acting possessed as random numbers and letters were scrolling all across, and that it just started to miraculously work after their date was over wasn't something he believed.

John eyed Joss's snowman and chuckled.

"And just what are you laughing at?" she demanded. John eyed her as she placed her gloved hands on her subtle hips that were encased in tight jeans that fit her like a glove, with a glare for good measure thrown his way.

"Nothing," he assured her and she cocked a brow in disbelief and he smiled. "Alright, it is something….your snowman."

"What about him?" she demanded looking at her handiwork.

"It's kind of…well, pitiful, but Aubrey will love it anyway," he assured her and Joss turned to look at him with brows high on her beautiful forehead. Then they crashed together in a tight scowl.

"It is not pitiful!" Joss declared eyeing her snowman before looking at his and snorted. "Yours is not much better, yours is fat, it looks like it ate Olaf." She motioned at his rotund snowman.

John's lips twitched in amusement. Who knew critiquing her snowman would rile her up? "Well yours is an anorexic Frosty," John teased, seeing fire in her eyes. God, he just wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless. The ache in him expanded even further, reminding him that after Aubrey's party he needed to have space from her again. But he decided to make the most of the time he had with her while he had her. "It looks like if one strong wind gust comes along, he'll be blown away. Admit it Joss, you're just a lousy snowman maker," he joked as he turned his back to her, bending to add the buttons on his snowman.

Joss glared at his sexy backside and she heard his soft laughter. She grumbled to herself as she bent and balled up snow and threw it at him. John paused when the snow smacked him on the butt. He straightened and whirled around to look at her. "I might be lousy at snowman making but not at making snowballs," she said with a triumphant smirk. John's blue eyes sparkled with mischief as he bent to ball up snow and she held out her hands. "Don't you dare throw that at me!" she warned.

"I dare," he said before he threw it at her, smacking her in the arm with the snowball.

She glowered at him. "Oh it's on!" she declared before she bent to ball up more snow. They reverted back to children, having forgotten that they were supposed to be finishing up the snowmen for his daughter's birthday party that was to get underway in about an hour. They rifled off snowball after snowball at one another, laughing as they hit one another.

Joss balled up another snowball and threw it at him, but he had taken that exact moment to bend over to get more snow and it smacked him square in the face. They both paused. She giggled, first softly as he slowly reached up to wipe the cold wet snow off his face, before it turned into full blown laughter so hard her ribs hurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you in the face," she said, trying to mean it but was failing miserably as she couldn't snuff out the laughter.

"Oh, you're so sorry that you're laughing through the apology? It's war!" He murmured and ran after her. She squealed as she tried to take off and hide behind the snowmen they made but the 6 inches of snow was hard to run through, plus he had longer legs than her. He rushed her, tackling her into the snow gently.

"No, get off of me," she squealed, laughing as he drizzled snow on her, he was using his weight to hold her down. "Cheater!" she wiggled and squirmed, before grabbing snow and shoving it down his jacket and shirt. John's yelp was funnier than smacking him in the face with snow, she was laughing uncontrollably and soon he was too.

"Apologize like you mean it, Joss," he demanded, trying to smother his laughter as he held snow just above her, threatening to drop it on her.

"Never!" She locked her legs around his hips taking him by surprise, before she rolled him over until he was lying on his back in the snow, and she shoveled snow onto him. She straddled him, pinning his gloved hands to the snow. "Give?" she demanded, smiling victoriously down at him.

John stared up at her with laughter sparkling in his eyes. "Never," he responded and she let go of his hands to shovel more snow onto him. He protected his face. "I give, I give!" he said.

She paused in her assault. "I won?" she demanded and he lowered his arms down, laying his head in the cold snow.

He eyed her dejectedly. "Yes, and I'm never going to hear the end of it, am I?"

"Nope," she agreed and they smiled at one another. But soon the smiling faded, the laughter stopped, and they were just in the cold snow, her on top of him. She leaned over him bringing their lips close. "Joss," he whispered.

Joss just stared at him before acting on impulse and catching his cold lips with hers. He sighed and he kissed her back, leaning up into her, and took control of the kiss. She moaned as he rolled her over onto her back and the cold tingling feeling slid away, slowly being replaced with warmth. Warmth from his touch, warmth from his kiss, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He broke away as if he realized exactly what they were doing and where they were doing it, because he scrambled to his feet and took a few steps back.

She sat up. "John…"

"I'll go make us some hot coffee," he said and turned, hurrying to his sliding door. She closed her eyes before getting to her feet, eyeing the snowmen. She followed him into his home, stopping in the den to take off her boots and winter jacket as it was full of snow. She removed her gloves and hat, draping them on his, before rubbing her hands together. Joss found him in his small square kitchen, making coffee.

"Joss, don't, okay please? Today is Aubrey's birthday and I want it to be perfect, I got lost in the moment," he said as he turned to look at her. The front door opened and John looked away as Fusco called out for him. He gave her one last look before he turned to go help Fusco.

* * *

The birthday party for John's daughter was a smashing success. Aubrey, Anna, and all her other little friends had eyed the actress dressed as Elsa in awe which amused the grownups. Shaw was even on her best behavior, having been forced to wear an Elsa wig (looking absolutely ridiculous and ready to murder anyone that dared say a word to her about it) and play musical chairs by Aubrey. She had been stiff and annoyed but seemed to enjoy beating out some of the other six year olds at the party, making Joss roll her eyes.

Joss had suspiciously been under fire with question after question from Anna's parents, Tom and Kirsti, who seemed to have decided that they were now guarding John's well being too. But they were nice people, loved Aubrey very much like their own daughter, and seemed to care very much about John, like he was an extension of their family. It was sweet really.

"Aubrey really loves you," Joss blinked when a feminine voice broke into her thoughts and looked to the side seeing Kirsti enter the kitchen where there were no kids or other adults. John was out in the living room speaking with the other adults. And the kids were playing upstairs in Aubrey's room. Lionel's son was helping John set up the new Wii U he purchased his daughter. Joss had escaped into the kitchen to collect herself. Present opening had been harder than she thought it would be because Aubrey opened her present of the Elsa necklace and the little girl had run to her for help to put it on. Once it was on Aubrey threw her arms around her and told her that she loved her. John had immediately excused himself as his daughter had no idea she had upset her father with her declaration. Lionel had proceeded to hand out the gifts, keeping Aubrey distracted until about five minutes later John was back, giving off no indication that he had been upset.

Joss smiled in return. "The feeling is mutual."

"I have heard a lot about you when she comes over with Anna."

"Oh?" She didn't realize that Aubrey talked that much about her.

"Joss this and Joss that, Aubrey has gone on about you, I tried to picture you and failed. Then again I'm not the most imaginative person," Kirsti admitted as she opened the refrigerator to grab a bottled water.

Joss chuckled softly. "Neither am I."

"Tom and I love Aubrey like our own daughter and love John like an older brother. I believe John's life and ours will be intertwined for a very long time since I believe Anna and Aubrey are going to be best friends for life," Kirsti said before taking a drink from her water bottle.

Joss nodded. "Those two girls are inseparable they even finish one another's sentences." It had been so damn cute.

"You like John," the woman commented.

"Of course I like John, we're friends." She agreed purposely pretending to not get the woman's meaning. She wasn't about to tell her the truth, Joss didn't know her.

Kirsti smiled knowingly. "Yes, so I've heard. That's what John keeps telling me, that the two of you are just friends. But I don't buy it, since he hasn't exactly been hiding the awestruck looks he given you all afternoon. John's pretty blue eyes light up whenever you are near him which is so damn cute."

Joss eyed her directly, seeing the searching gaze. "John is an amazing man who deserves nothing but the best in love and life," Joss said.

The pretty brunette nodded. "I know and I'm glad you know it too; I've tried to set him up with my single friends knowing how great of a guy and father he is. But John was the one that held it up since he showed zero interest in dating in general, and now I know why. John was waiting around for you. The question is why are you two still pretending to be friends when you're in love?"

Joss looked at this Kirsti woman in surprise at how accurate she was. "Are we that transparent or you are a mind-reader?"

"I wish I was a mind-reader than I'd be rich, but sadly I'm not. You two are just that transparent, you're not all that good at hiding your feelings for him either. Your eyes give you away too, you get this soft look as you look at him and Aubrey."

Joss looked to make sure they were alone. "I've been burned a couple times and I'm a little hesitant to try again, and John's been hurt more than enough," she muttered to the woman she barely knew. For some reason this woman was easy to talk to and she had no one to go to for help. The only real female friend she had was Shaw and she wasn't exactly the go-to person for this sort of talk or any kind of talk really. Shaw wasn't built that way.

"I like you and clearly John and Aubrey love you, which is why I came up to you to find out what was going on. John's a little hard to get to open up and talk about anything personal really. I just want them happy and you make them that way. Just think about giving it a try," Kirsti said with a soft pat to her arm before turning and leaving the kitchen without another word.

* * *

AN: Some honest too goodness Careese...yaaaaaaay! I like your guys' theories of it being Shaw but alas I went with 'the machine' who has taken it upon herself at matchmaking. And when an A.I. is shipping you then you know you are meant to be ;D Here's the teaser for next chapter, though I am not sure if I'll post on Friday or not since it's the holiday weekend, which just in case I hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July:

 **Joss fixed her lipstick in Fusco's car. "Hey, Carter, stop getting pretty for my best friend, he'll be happy to see you if you were wearing a paper bag over your head," Lionel chuckled. She looked at him in annoyance.**

 **"Cut me some slack here, Fusco, it's not every day I tell a guy I'm in love with him." In fact he was only the second man she was ever going to say those three little words too. It scared the hell out of her but John and his baby girl were worth it.**

BOOM, Carter got with the program our girl just needed to make out in the snow and attend a cute little birthday party to realize that she can't live without them. Thanks for reading :)


	13. Chapter 13

It had been over a week since Aubrey's birthday party. During that week, work had gotten busy. Carter and Fusco solved a case, they got handed a priority homicide from the captain, all the while she still worked the Jermaine Goodwin case which was taking a snail's pace but the trail was cold. Then they helped their misfit friends with their new number, Oliver Mandell, saving that slime's life. But the overwhelming need to be with John and his daughter grew larger and larger until it became unbearable.

Joss looked at her phone, her finger hovering over his name on her call list as she debated on whether or not to ask him to lunch so she could tell him the truth. And the truth was that she loved him and if he could go slowly with her, then she would very much love to be with him. They didn't have to rush into everything. John needed a slow relationship himself and they could heal together. He wanted love but he also needed to heal. It seemed from his lack of wanting to talk about his mother and past he had not dealt with what happened. If they were going to be together he had to let her in, talk to her about his painful past, and she had to do the same. She had a lot of fessing up to do herself about Paul, about Cal, and her fear of losing him.

Joss looked at his name and sighed as she set her phone down. She couldn't ask him to lunch to tell him how she felt about him because he would refuse since the man wanted space. She frowned, how was she going to tell him the truth? Just show up on his doorstep? She couldn't do that either because she wanted them alone, and his sweet daughter would be there. Not that she didn't love Aubrey, because she did so very much, but this was a huge step for her and John, she didn't want little ears or eyes around because she had plans of kissing the stuffing out of the man. It had been a long while since she had a nice makeout. She didn't count the stakeout because they had been listened in on and interrupted. Maybe she'll enlist Fusco's help in getting John somewhere where they could talk.

She looked up from her computer seeing Lionel looking at his. Joss slid out of her chair and purposefully walked over to him. He glanced up. "I know that face, it's the face that you give when you are about to dole out orders or take something on."

Joss smiled. "It is a little of both actually, Fusco, because I need you to ask John to lunch, letting me tag along and then bail on it. I need to talk to him alone."

"Why?" he asked stumped.

"Because I need a chance to explain," she said, really not wanting to give him a full reason.

"A chance to explain what?" Fusco asked with scrunched up brows.

She exhaled roughly in annoyance. "Like that I'm in love with him and if he's willing to take his time with me, that I want to give us a try."

Fusco eyed her. "Wait, you want to tell John you're in love with him?"

Joss nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable talking to Lionel about this. Not because she didn't trust him but because she wasn't used to asking for help. "Yeah, and I know John wants space so I can't ask him to lunch or dinner, Lionel, since he won't show up. I need your help."

"Yeah, sure," he agreed immediately. Carter never asked for help on anything and he would do anything for her, but more than that, he was excited because his two best friends were about to get together. Hallelujah! He pulled out his phone, finding John's name just under his son's on his list and clicked his name.

John answered on the second ring. "Hello, Lionel, missed me so much in the last hour since we talked that you had to call again to hear my voice. I'm touched."

"Pfft, I miss you like I miss a rectal exam," Fusco supplied, earning a boisterous laugh, while Joss eyed him with a look. "But I was calling to see if you wanted to do lunch?"

"Well Finch and Shaw already asked and I sort of agreed. You can tag along with us, it's at Lyric Diner.

Fusco made a face, well that wasn't exactly ideal. "Yeah, I guess that's fine."

"See you in an hour," John said before hanging up.

Lionel put the phone down. "Bad news, the odd couple already invited him to lunch, but you can tell them to scram. God knows Tweedledee and Tweedledum would knowingly leave if it meant you two were getting together."

"What does that mean?"

"Just that G.I. Jane's trigger hand gets itchy when any woman sniffs around Reese, she gives them the dead eyes scaring them off. Once she even grabbed wonder-boy's ass at lunch when an appreciative look was given his way, which worked because the woman clearly thought they were an item."

Joss chuckled. Shaw would go to those lengths to sabotage any attempts made by the ladies. Shaw was a good friend and one that didn't know the first thing about decorum or manners. "That sounds like her, but knowing Shaw she didn't merely grab his ass but rather groped him. How did John react?" She felt zero jealousy over the ass grab because she knew Shaw's stance on John, and for the simple fact that Shaw and John had zero interest in one another romantically. But she could almost imagine John's face at Shaw grabbing his butt it, was a picture of horror.

Fusco snorted. "John threatened to break all the bones in her hand if she ever did it again. And Einstein is less obvious but he's transparent as glass. He manages to work your name into every single conversation he and wonder-boy have."

Joss smiled a little at how her friends were rallying around them like this. It was nice to have real friends like Fusco, Shaw, and Finch. And while it wasn't ideal having to ask them to help her by leaving this lunch so she could speak to John alone she was going to do it anyway. She needed to talk to John desperately.

* * *

Joss fixed her lipstick in Fusco's car. "Hey, Carter, stop getting pretty for my best friend, he'll be happy to see you if you were wearing a paper bag over your head," Lionel chuckled. She looked at him in annoyance.

"Cut me some slack here, Fusco, it's not every day I tell a guy I'm in love with him." In fact he was only the second man she was ever going to say those three little words too. It scared the hell out of her but John and his baby girl were worth it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Fusco said and with that they exited his car and walked to the entrance of Lyric Diner. They found Finch, Shaw, and John already seated at a table for six. It seemed like Finch and Shaw knew she was coming and she frowned realizing that those two annoyances had listened in on her and Fusco again.

John looked up. "Joss," he greeted in surprise.

"John, I'm sorry Fusco didn't say you were going to be here, I'll leave,"Joss said, bumping arms with Fusco in silent pleading to go along with her. Fusco smirked her way.

"I thought it would be a nice way to get the band back together," he said, going with her story as he sat down beside John.

Joss made a move to leave, knowing John wouldn't let her. "Wait, you don't have to leave Joss," John said. She smiled, knowing John so well and turned to look back at him.

"You don't mind?"

He smiled. "I don't mind." She took a seat next to Shaw. Finch looked vaguely uncomfortable, Shaw's face wasn't bland as normal but rather she looked pissed. What the hell was going on?

"Reese is seeing someone," Shaw blurted out.

Joss looked at Fusco for help and he appeared to freeze. She looked at John, who looked at Shaw in exasperation. "You're finally getting help, John, that's good," Fusco joked, immediately taking it wrong.

John laughed. "Ha-ha, funny, Lionel. I'm seeing a woman, not seeing a shrink."

"What's her name?" Joss asked forcefully, even though she felt crushed.

"Lila," he said looking down at his food. Joss made a face at the name, it sounded prissy.

But Fusco spoke up, saving her from having to speak again because she had no idea what to say. "Why didn't you tell me you were dating someone, we're best friends, we tell each other everything?!" Lionel demanded. Had he known he would have told Carter, so she knew how to proceed!

"Because, Lionel, I didn't want to jinx things. Lila asked me out after we picked up our kids from school, she's divorced and an accountant, and lately every date I try to go on something happens. First Zoe and I were incompatible so we didn't even attempt one, and then Iris never shows because she couldn't access her phone, and then Lila's phone did something weirdly similar. It's weird. And when we did finally decide to just give up calling one another and talk in person to set up the date, the restaurant we agreed to go to was closed down unexpectedly because of a man named Ernest Thornhill, then someone stole her purse so we called it a night, and we decided to try again a different day." Shaw and Finch looked at one another and the look did not go unnoticed by her. They knew this Thornhill person. "Then on our second attempt, her computers at work went haywire and crashed for no reason whatsoever, making her cancel because she had to redo all the taxes she had already done. It took me three tries just to get a first date with Lila."

"But she's dull and boring, and wore a polka-dot dress. Even I know that's not in style, she looked like Reese's grandmother." Shaw complained. "Can we talk about her hair, Reese it looked like a cat hacked up a hair ball. How can you stand her, she's not at all hot as Carter?" Shaw pointed at her.

Fusco made a face. "That mental image alone is enough to give me nightmares, and when did you become Joan Rivers, Lady Rambo?" he asked and Shaw shrugged.

John however wasn't amused. "How would you know what she wore, Shaw?! And her hair is not like that." It sounded like Shaw was like his little sister, one he never had and never wanted one like her.

Finch looked even more uncomfortable, while Shaw shrugged. "We looked into her when we learned you were going on a second date with her as we have your phone bluejacked still. And when you were going out on a third date in a week I decided to speak to the stick figure."

John glared at Shaw. "You did what? And technically those were all attempts for a first date, not three dates."

"Whatever, I just made sure she realized if she hurt you I would break her stubby legs, and if she hurts Aubrey I would shoot her repeatedly." Joss winced, having no doubt those were Shaw's exact words.

Lionel looked at her and then at John who was clearly angry, before speaking. "Finally the friendships you forged with Mork and Mindy pay off. You scared this lady off right, Shaw?"

"Unfortunately not, god, a mannequin is more interesting than she is," Shaw sneered.

Fusco smirked. "Look who's talking, G.I. Jane."

She shrugged. "I have personality coming out of my ass."

"Lionel, you're not even giving her a chance. Lila isn't like Veronica or Jessica, she has a daughter of her own that's a year older than Aubrey." John honestly didn't get why everyone was against him seeing Lila. The only person he wanted to be against him seeing her was Joss and she didn't seem to mind. Instead she said it was good and asked for her name in support. John's heart took another hit, he wanted Joss to ask him not to date Lila and she didn't because she didn't want him. He had hoped that kiss at his daughter's birthday party meant something, even though he told himself not to think that way, and it stung when clearly it didn't.

"Look, I have nothing against this lady personally, I just don't want you dating some random bag lady you met when picking up Aubrey. She could be some psycho stalker which is why she's divorced. I think there is someone out there better suited for you," Lionel said and Joss wanted to hug him but also to tell him to stop. This wasn't fair to John, it was her fault that she had waited too long.

Joss missed the longing look sent her way from John. "Guys, if John likes her then we should be happy for him." She tried swallowing the pain in her heart, trying to do the right thing.

"Thank you, Joss." John sounded ill all of a sudden and she looked at him, but his expression was unreadable.

Fusco looked at Shaw, feeling desperate when Carter was keeping mum. "Hey munchkin, maybe ask Cocoa Puffs to go see this lady, anyone that meets her would run screaming for their life." Fusco assured.

Joss knew her friends were reacting this way because they wanted them together but John didn't know, because anger contorted his face. He was taking exception to Lionel, Finch, and Shaw who saw nothing wrong with interfering with his life.

"I am 43 years old and have been taking care of myself since I was 11, I don't want nor need anyone to take care of me." He stated as he shoved his chair back. He was leaving, he'd lost his appetite. Joss didn't care, why he thought she would, was beyond him, she wasn't in love with him. She was attracted to him but didn't love him, the story of his life.

"Please, Mr. Reese, don't leave, your private life is yours," Finch tried.

Shaw snorted. "The hell it is, as I see it, I have a say in who Reese dates because his kid basically invited me into the family." Shaw leered at John. "If I have to wear Elsa wigs, play musical chairs, and sing happy birthday I get to scare off your lady friends who bore me to tears and hurts my eyes." But John didn't say a word because he turned and stormed away, leaving them.

Finch watched John leave before turning to look at Ms. Shaw. "Was that really necessary Ms. Shaw? He might actually like Ms. Radcliffe, and he doesn't know Detective Carter wants to tell him that she loves him."

Their place in John's life was tenuous as Mr. Reese could easily just walk away from them, and he did not want to lose the younger man's friendship because of Ms. Shaw over-zealousness. He knew that Ms. Shaw had shown some interest (not at all romantic in nature) in Mr. Reese as they swapped military stories, it was the first time he saw her actively seek out a conversation. Talking was overrated, she had said previously, but with John she seemed to crackle alive, become more animated as they talked guns. But Mr. Reese had that effect on people, he was well versed in lots of topics, he made everything interesting. But above all that, Ms. Shaw was loyal to Detective Carter.

"Who cares what he likes, I don't like her," Shaw said like a spoiled sister. "Hell, the machine doesn't even like Snoozy for him and is sabotaging his dates, like it did with bony Dr. Yawn. The machine wants Reese and Carter together."

"What the hell is 'the machine'?" Fusco demanded.

Finch looked at the detective panicky. "Nothing, detective, nothing you need to worry about," he assured quickly with a fraught glance at Shaw.

However Shaw didn't care because she looked at Joss. "Carter you should have just told him that you loved him."

Joss shook her head. "I can't Shaw."

"Why not?—you love him."

"He's with someone else, that's playing with his head and heart."

Shaw made an exasperated sound. "They went on one date, screw her. We could snap her in two, did you not hear the fact that she wears polka-dots?" Shaw demanded.

"Yeah one date that he tried three times to get, how many men try that many times?" Joss demanded. "Clearly he likes this woman. I waited too long to tell him how I feel, it's my fault."

"All that proves is that Reese is desperate to get some puss…sex." Shaw was going to be crude and say 'pussy' but thought better of it. "Reese has been celibate since that Veronica, right? Not many men can go this long without some sex. He's only looking at Lila because he thinks he can't have you. Besides I think he wanted you to say something, he was giving you some sappy puppy-eye looks."

"How would you know Shaw?—as you said you haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than a Tic Tac!" she snarled, wanting to be alone, and she blinked the tears away. She wasn't going to cry as this was her fault to begin with.

Shaw rolled her eyes. "Reese moons over you, Carter, and maybe it's because I don't do emotions, but he wanted you to say something and looked like you crotch shot him when you didn't. But it won't matter, this thing is doomed to fail with watered down Lila anyways because his kid won't like her either, I can guarantee it," Shaw commented pulling John's half eaten plate towards her.

Joss slid from the table wanting to be alone. Fusco reached out touching her forearm. "Hey, don't give up on John, I know my best friend inside out, so I know that when he falls in love he falls deeply. John's not over you, Carter, not by a long shot."

She forced a smile. "Thanks, I kind of want to be alone right now." She said and walked to the exit, wanting to be alone so she could wallow in her misery by herself because she waited too long to tell John how she really felt.

* * *

After Joss had a good nice long cry, she dusted herself off, and for the rest of the day she pretended everything was okay. That her heart wasn't obliterated because she was an idiot by not telling John the truth sooner and now some bimbo got everything she wanted and could have had. She would now have to wait and see if this thing between John and Lila was the real deal or not. God, being a good person sucked sometimes.

So she was focusing on something she could control, her cold case. Fusco had left about an hour ago for the night, telling her she should go home too. But she didn't want to because she would obsess about taking too long to tell John how she felt, so she stayed at work. She had gotten some leads on The Brotherhood gang from the gang unit, she had visited some of their haunts and asked around in the neighborhood where she might find Floyd Goodwin who was rumored to be a trusted cohort of the mysterious leader Dominic. She struck out. No one wanted to say a word, either out of fear or loyalty. She worked the case like it was a new one, she had gone back to the witness statements, met with them again, and unfortunately there wasn't anything new to report.

However, when she went to the intersection of where the crime was committed there was a camera across the street, pointed directly where the murder occurred. It was a deli market run by Javier Rodriguez, owner of the deli market for six years. Mr. Rodriguez claimed the video was long gone now, but, Joss's strong instincts knew he knew who killed Jermaine Goodwin, he saw the video, and was scared to say. Probably Dominic had his men threatened Mr. Rodriguez and she had to figure out a way to get him to speak to her. She had tried her level best at convincing the man to tell her, and in the end, having been stonewalled, she left her card if he changed his mind.

Her desk phone rang and she immediately answered. "Carter," she barked as she looked through Jermaine's casefile looking for anything else she possibly could.

"D-detective Carter, this is Mr. Rodriguez, Javier."

She paused as she looked up. He stuttered a bit but he sounded scared. "Yeah?"

"I thought about what you said about Jermaine, and you're right, I can bring justice for him and give peace to his parents, something I would want for my boy Jose."

Joss felt a sense of relief wash over her. Finally the break in the case she needed. "Thank you so much Mr. Rodriguez, you are doing the right thing."

"I hope so. But we can't meet at the deli market, if the Brotherhood sees me talking to a detective my son could be in danger."

"Alright, where do you want to meet?" she asked wanting him to feel safe.

The man paused for a moment, before speaking. "How about the intersection of West 86th Street and Columbus Avenue, there is alleyway between these two restaurants called Good Enough to Eat and La Mirabelle. Do you know where that is?"

Of course, it was actually two minutes from John's rented home and about seven from his new one, and ten from hers. "Yeah I know where it is." And more importantly it was well away from the Bronx where Mr. Rodriguez was working.

"Can we meet in about a half hour?"

"Sure, thanks again, Mr. Rodriguez."

"Yes, detective, I have to go now." And with that he hung up. Joss eyed her watch she had 29 minutes to go until she would see Mr. Rodriguez and maybe get some helpful information.

She climbed out of her car, entering the alleyway twenty minutes later, arriving early. The alleyway between the two restaurants was used to hide their dumpsters. It was a quiet night thankfully, the streets of Manhattan could be crazy but it was one of those nights that not much was happening. She looked at her watch, glad after this that she was heading home because she was beat. Plus she wanted to throw a pity party for one, drink some red wine and think about John.

She turned when she saw movement at the opening of the alleyway but rather than seeing Mr. Rodriguez she saw two black men approaching her with ski masks on. "Hi little girl." She didn't get a chance to react because she was blindsided by a horrible wave of pain that exploded from the back of her head when she was hit with something very hard. Joss immediately fell to her knees, seeing stars.

Joss kicked her leg out, kicking at her assailant but it didn't do much, and she felt her gun being tugged out of the holster. She slowly realized with dismay as she looked behind her, she was outnumbered. There were two more black men wearing ski masks, and it was four on one. Joss winced, had it been one on one she could take him, hell had it been two on one she still could take them, but four on one, she didn't stand a chance. So she did the best she could which was, go on defense and protect herself as much as possible. She curled inward on herself, trying to protect her head and face while taking well aimed shots when she could. They did manage to get a couple punches in on her, but she gave as good as she got landing a couple punches before trying to knee one in the groin. "Fucking cop, take what you deserve." That incited her, making her fight harder. "Dominic doesn't want to kill a cop but he will if you make him." Joss didn't continue her feeble attack, it wouldn't get her out of here alive because the ass kicking was a warning. A warning she wasn't about to heed.

"Stop snooping around bitch or next time it will be a bullet in your and Rodriguez's head." a man said before she was kicked sharply in the stomach again and again. Joss gasped. "Got it?" and with one final parting shot, the four men that attacked her fled by taking her car.

Joss moaned as she rolled onto her back, grabbing her stomach. "Dominic must be a big man that he has to send four dumbasses to beat up one cop," she muttered under her breath as she worked the stars she saw away. "He doesn't know who they just fucked with," she groaned to herself as she slowly got up.

* * *

John yawned as he stepped out of his shower, toweling himself dry, before tugging on his boxer-briefs. Aubrey was in bed sleeping. He was beat and heading to bed early because after that disastrous lunch he had spent his usual day off from the academy painting the new place. It was a long process but he declined Finch's idea of hiring a crew to do it. The man already basically handed him the house for free, he was doing the work to make it his own himself. He painted Aubrey's room purple as chosen by his baby. He got her room and his done before his back and shoulders started hurting. He gave up.

John furrowed his brows when he heard a pounding on his door. He looked at his alarm clock seeing it was nearly ten at night. Who the hell would be knocking at his door now? He hurried out of his bedroom wondering if something was wrong with Fusco, then again he didn't knock on the door. He rushed downstairs of what was almost not his home any longer. The knocking on the door was even louder. John hurried to the door, looking through the peephole, and was shocked at who was there.

John immediately unlocked the door and threw it open with his heart in his throat. "Joss..!"

* * *

AN: Okay, should I be worried about any pointy objects? So before I run for my life for throwing another little monkey wrench in their way here is the teaser for next chapter:

 **"Are you alright?" he asked gently as he closed the door, locking up once more before leading her to his small square kitchen.**

 **"Should see the other guys," she tried for a joke but winced a bit.**

 **"What happened?"**

 **"A warning was issued, which I'm not heeding it. I must be close to the truth if they felt the need to scare me off."**

John and Joss share a conversation that turns extremely personal. Thanks for reading :)


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN: WARNING MENTIONS OF SUICIDE.**_

 _ **I just wanted to make sure everyone knows there is mention of suicide. Depression is a difficult thing to live with even if you are not the one suffering from depression and I do not want to cause anyone any unnecessary triggers. If reading about suicide is upsetting, please skip the bottom of this chapter, please.**_

 _ **Oh and I wasn't going to post this today I originally going to post Stripped Bare chapter 4 but decided to reverse it. Stripped Bare will wait for another day.**_

* * *

John immediately unlocked the door and threw it open with his heart in his throat. "Joss," he murmured in concern as he immediately reached out touching her face softly. It was bruised and bleeding.

Joss couldn't help but drop her gaze down, she was only human. John was wearing boxer-briefs and nothing else, and they left little to the imagination. She forcefully raised her gaze up his torso finding it muscular and scarred, before rising to his hair that was damp and unkempt. Clearly he had just gotten out of the shower. Her tongue felt stuck to the roof of her mouth and suddenly she didn't feel any pain from her aches and pangs. "Pfft," was all that made it out of her. John immediately slung her right arm over his shoulders gently, tucking her against his strong nearly naked body and helped her inside.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently as he closed the door, locking up once more before leading her to his small square kitchen.

"Should see the other guys," she tried for a joke but winced a bit.

"What happened?"

"A warning was issued, which I'm not heeding it. I must be close to the truth if they felt the need to scare me off."

He then led her to the dining table, pulling a seat out for her and helped her to sit. He touched her face in concern. She had a few gashes that were bleeding but overall she looked alright, just badly bruised. "You're bleeding, Joss," he murmured as he lifted her chin with delicate fingers. He looked into her eyes. "I'll take you to the hospital."

She shook her head. "No, don't, I don't want to go to the hospital; the captain will yank me off the case and I'm finally getting somewhere." She whispered as she gingerly moved, she knew she had a bruised rib from the kicks she sustained and most likely a slight concussion from the whack to the head she took. But otherwise she was alright, she just needed a place to rest and warm up. Her short leather coat wasn't exactly all that warm.

John looked fierce before he whirled around storming away. He came back a minute later with a first aid kit and a hand towel. He set the kit beside her on the table, before heading for the faucet. She used the time as he focused on wetting the towel to eye his butt. John could be an underwear model, she decided. They'd sell tons if they marketed it to men saying that they'd look like John in them.

"So what happened?" he asked.

She sighed. "I'm working primary on a cold case, I started digging into it, and I rattled someone."

John looked over his shoulder to her, anger spiking in him. "So they had you attacked?"

"I'm okay, John, I got some licks in myself but I was outnumbered."

"How many?"

"Four on one," she answered and he cursed. "I'm sorry for dropping in on you, but they stole my car, and you were the closest to where the attack happened." He walked over with the towel in hand.

John touched her face gently with the towel, his gentle eyes on hers. "Never be sorry for coming to me for help, Joss," he said quietly and she stared up at him. She smiled a little reaching up, grabbing his wrist.

"Thank you for being here," she whispered.

John cleared his throat, tugging his gaze off of her, instead focusing on cleaning the wounds on her beautiful face. He was going to find these four guys and he was going to destroy them. John didn't really see Joss in action but Joss was intelligent and judging from the way she had lifted him up and over that she was well trained. She must have been blindsided by them to do any kind of damage to her.

"They take you by surprise?" he questioned, as he suspected she nodded her head. He immediately reached one hand and softly as possible slid his hand into hair looking for the goose-egg he was sure he would find. He purposely kept his gaze off of hers because he could feel the penetrating heat from her eyes on him as he slid his hand through her hair. She made a sound as he found the large knot on the back of her head. He pulled his hand away, glad no blood came with it. John whirled around, storming to the freezer, grabbing a bag of frozen peas. He slammed the door shut and walked her way. He held the bag to her.

"Thanks," she said as she took it and held the peas to the back of her head. Since John's gaze was avoiding hers while he washed her face and cleaned the wounds, she eyed his body. "I should go and leave you alone," she murmured, eyeing his naval and licking her lips, her eyes tracing the lovely treasure trail that disappeared into his godforsaken underwear that made her itch to grab the gray elastic at his waist and tug down.

"Shhh," he commanded, concentrating on her.

Joss tentatively reached out, touching a scar. "Where'd you get this?" she asked as she touched the jagged scar on his lower abdomen feeling the muscles underneath bunch.

"During the military," he said as he set the towel down before grabbing some Neosporin to cleanse the wounds which stung. She held her breath against the stinging pain. After several minutes of fussing over her, he put the Neosporin down, and grabbed gauze and tape. "This gash on the side of your forehead isn't deep enough to need stitches but it won't stop bleeding. So I'm going to super glue it, then bandage, and tape it in place. I suggest changing the bandage tomorrow morning."

She nodded, listening to him but was more focused on his beautiful athletic body because she found another scar. This one in particular looked rather old and faded, but also looked painful. It wasn't big like her scar she received thanks to Fallujah but it was definitely bigger than a gunshot wound. "Where'd you get this one?" she asked softly as she reached out, touching a rather large scar he had near his shoulder.

John flinched, which was an interesting reaction, because his other scar she touched didn't seem to upset him as he took a step back, removing her touch. "I was fifteen," he answered vaguely.

"What happened?"

Joss watched John stiffen. "I was in a car accident with my mother." It was the first time he ever even made a mention of his mother willingly.

"Was she alright?"

"She was fine." Short and clipped, he sounded like he was choking.

Joss eyed him. "You want to talk about it?"

"About what?" he played stupid.

"Your mother, this accident, whatever is upsetting you."

"I don't want to talk about either." His body still stiff, she didn't need her good detective sense to tell that his body language was clearly screaming 'back off'.

Joss decided to go all in and see where it'd take her. "John, I know about what happened to your mother. I know she killed herself."

He felt like she slugged him. "You looked her up?" he demanded.

"Little comments you made me curious and so I looked. I'm so sorry you had to find her that way."

John looked away, not wanting to remember finding her hanging lifelessly. He couldn't do what he usually did when someone dared to speak about his mother, he'd ask them to leave, but Joss was injured and more than that he didn't want her gone. So he was going to ignore it, but instead he did the exact opposite. "I shouldn't have gone to work that day." He said unexpectedly, oddly, as he never spoke about it.

"It's wasn't your fault," she immediately argued, forgetting all about her pain as she slung the peas on the table reaching for his hand.

"Yeah it was, Joss, my mother never could get over my dad's death. The day my dad died, my mother was lost too. She started drinking heavy as if that would dull the pain and she'd use the check through the mail from his pension to pay the house payment and buy more vodka. Til this day I can't stand the sight of that stuff."

She eyed him, but John didn't see any pity, making him relax a little. All that sparkled in her eyes was gentle understanding. "What happened with the car crash, John? Did she drink and drive with you in the car?"

John looked at her, unsure of why he was telling her any of this. He never had an issue with keeping people out, but keeping her out was much harder and he didn't really want to. "No, my mother was too drunk to drive, Joss."

"So you drove," she finished.

"The bar owner called me up to go pick her up because she passed out there, so I did." He shrugged, looking away as he put the stuff away in the first aid kit with his free hand. "I had to carry her to the car because she was that drunk, I drove and we were slammed into by some teenager older than me driving way too damn fast and high on drugs. He hit us so hard my mom and I spun and rolled, crushed metal from our car or his got lodged in my shoulder. Overall we were lucky, but the teen that hit us wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was ejected from the car. I tried to save him by doing CPR, but he died in the street."

"I'm sorry, John." So much he had to deal with at such a young age, it was unfair. His childhood was stolen from him.

He stared at her. "I survived, I got a lot of stitches and my mom didn't even know the crash happened as she had only some bruises and cuts. Cops made us pay a fine for me being the driver since I didn't have a license, but the accident was ruled in our favor."

She softly nodded, glad to know what had happened in that car crash. She had a feeling John held a great deal of guilt for it even though it wasn't his fault. John seemed to be heaping piles of guilt upon himself that he didn't deserve.

"You started shoplifting food and pick-pocketing for cash at eleven," she said, not really asking, she'd read through his arrest records, looking through what was stolen. She hadn't done so the first time, she hadn't looked through them because it wasn't pertinent to why his number was up. But she did now and she was glad she had, it made her understand John better, and made her love him even more.

John shrugged. "I was hungry, Joss, and my mother was bare bones as it was. I would have to force her to eat as drinking was more important to her. Most days she was drunk enough to let me feed her, telling me I was a good boy for taking care of her, and that I looked like my dad."

"That must have been hard to see her like that."

"I choose to remember her the way she was when my dad was alive and not the severely depressed woman she became. Before my dad died in that freak accident, she would never touch alcohol, and she would laugh all the time and tease me. She would tell me stories of her and my dad, they were childhood friends, and started dating early in high school. She said she loved my dad since she was seven years old but just didn't know it. After my dad died all she did was drink until she vomited, leaving me to clean her up, and she'd cry all the time."

"You don't talk about your dad a lot, why?"

"It was easier not talking about him as it would cause her pain, and now it's a habit," he admitted. And she wondered if the reason he didn't want to speak about his mother was because it would cause him pain; she saw a dull pain in his eyes that was snuffing out the lightness in them.

"What day did your dad die?"

John looked at her. "July 6th 1983."

She swallowed hard. "And your mother died July 6th 1990."

"As I said, I shouldn't have left her, but I had a full shift to work that day and we needed the money. So, against my better judgment, I left her and she killed herself because of it."

"John you were eighteen years old."

"The anniversary of my dad's death was always the hardest for her, I knew that, but I figured she would just get plastered like normal and I'd find her passed out on the couch. So I left her even though she asked me not to. When I got home after work I found her hanging lifeless from the banister. The note she left said if I was going to leave her when she needed me, she was going to die to be with my father."

Joss hadn't known what the suicide note read though she had known one existed. But right now if his mother was here she would plow her fist right into the woman's face. Drunk or not, that was a terrible thing to say. "That is an incredibly selfish thing to say and do to you, John. You spent seven years taking care of her."

"She was depressed and drunk, Joss; in her mind I abandoned her when she needed me most."

Joss shook her head. "There is no excuse, John. You're not the parent, she should have been taking care of you."

"My father knew my mother was fragile, Joss, which is why he made me promise to protect her," he bit out. "I made a promise and I failed." Like always, he was never good enough.

"Protecting her and parenting her are two completely different things, John."

John lifted his chin defiantly. "I will not apologize for taking care of my mother, Joss. I did what I had to do. I stole money, I shoplifted until the people in the small community figured out what was going on and started handing me things which I loathed. At sixteen, I was going to pay back everyone I stole from when I got a real job, but then I had to pay everyone back that handed me food like I was homeless."

"John, they were being good to you because you needed it."

"They looked down on my mother," he snapped.

"Because she wasn't being one," Joss said, trying desperately to calm herself down. She didn't want John to clam up because she was angry at his deceased mother. Depression was a different kind of animal, but coupled with alcohol it was even worse, but even still it was no excuse. John shouldn't have lived in that kind of home. Had it been her seeing what was happening, she would have called child protective services and removed John from that life. He shouldn't be taking care of his mother at eleven.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said, hating the burning at the backs of his eyes. He didn't want to remember his past. "I don't even know why I told you what I did," he muttered.

"Because you can't keep everything bottled, John, you don't have to put this front up with me. You don't have to pretend you have everything altogether, you can talk to me."

He looked at her. "Last time I told anyone about my past, she used it to manipulate me."

"I'm not Jessica," she growled, getting to her feet. She felt a little shaky from her attack and anger. "I would never use your past to hurt you. It's hurting you enough."

"I'm fine," he said and she couldn't stop the snort of skepticism.

"No you're not, John. Have you even grieved over your mother and father's deaths? After your dad died you became your mother's guardian. Did you ever get one chance to sit and talk about how their deaths affected you, to cry, to miss them?" she asked. "I bet you, you're about to say no you didn't."

"I didn't have time to."

"You were forced not to," she countered, backing him into a corner. The man was damned good at not putting the blame where it belonged.

"After my dad died I had to take care of my mother, and after my mother died I was about to go to jail, Joss."

"Why?"

"Because someone callously said my mother got what she deserved and I beat their ass. They pressed charges against me, the judge made me choose between boot-camp and jail. I chose boot-camp because it got me the hell out of the small town where everyone looked at John Davis as the poor boy who had no father and had a depressed drunken mother." It was Joss's turn to reach out and touch his face as his voice broke. She touched his cheek as he leaned into it. "Turns out their callous remark and pressing charges against me were the best thing, because the army was made for me," he said gruffly.

"John," she said and his eyes lifted to hers. "You're an amazing man."

He shook his head stepping back from the touch and she dropped her hand down. "No I'm not; I failed my mother because I didn't do enough; I broke a promise to my father."

"Yeah you are," she stated firmly. He didn't fail. John did the best he could at such a tender age, anyone could see that but him. He was too hard on himself. "You singlehandedly kept your mother alive for seven years, you took care of her, and did what you had to do to survive while throwing away your childhood. Your deep seeded need to put everyone first ahead of yourself is because you have been doing it since you were eleven years old. Lean a little, let me put you first so you can do something you haven't done since you lost them."

"And what's that?"

Joss stared into his eyes that were nearly glowing with unshed tears that he was willfully keeping in check. "Grieve," she whispered.

John made a rough sound as he tugged her to him, hugging her tightly. She circled her arms around his neck holding him. She just held him, waiting. When she felt the wetness of his tears against her neck, she was rewarded for her patience. His tight grasp tightened further on her and she didn't even feel her aches as he cried for the loss of his father, of his mother, of his childhood and everything he had buried so deep and for so long. Joss gently stroked her hand through his damp hair, trying to soothe him. He pulled back, and she cupped his cheeks. 'I love you' was on the tip of her tongue, but she held back barely. He was dating another woman, but she wanted to be selfish and just blurt it out.

"Feel better," she asked instead, knowing he hadn't cried or grieved nearly enough but it was a start, and that was what mattered.

He didn't answer for a long while. "Thank you for listening."

"Always, John, I'll always be here for you," she vowed. "Thank you for patching me up," she said, trying to lighten up the atmosphere between them, letting the conversation about his past fade away.

He smiled softly. "Always, Joss." and soon they were just standing in his kitchen, holding one another.

"I should go." She said slowly as they parted awkwardly. She winced a bit from pain but more so from the loss of his touch. She had grown accustomed to the spark of heat that was induced whenever they touched. Now without it she felt colder somehow.

"I'll drive you. Let me go get dressed and grab Aubrey." He motioned to the staircase near the foyer.

She shook her head. "No I'll be fine."

"I am not letting you go home alone, not after what you went through. You might have a concussion."

"John, I'm a big girl, and I'm not letting you wake up Aubrey on my account." She said liking his protectiveness even if she shouldn't.

John put his hands on his hips, glaring at her, and he looked so damned hot right now. "You're stubborn," he grumbled.

She made an unladylike sound. "Me, you're one to talk, John."

The pain in his eyes was slowly fading, being replaced by determination etched on his handsome face. "How about a compromise then Joss? Is your son at home?"

She furrowed her brows. "Yeah, why?"

"Is he old enough to be home alone?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I work long hours all the time, sometimes pull all-nighters, plus he's seventeen going on eighteen. Why?"

"Because you can bunk here. I have a guest bedroom Joss, that way you're not going alone while still woozy and I don't have to wake up Aubrey."

She hesitated. "John, you want space," she reminded him.

"I know, but I want you safe more."

"Alright, let me call my son to let him know what's going on."

* * *

AN:I took creative license with John's mother. And for the teaser next chapter I decided to give something bigger since you guys are patiently waiting for Careese:

 **"I want you to be my mommy." And there it was. She looked at the little girl softly, wanting nothing more than to tell her, yes. "And I want a little sister because I want to hold her and dress her up," Aubrey stated and John sounded like he was wheezing. Joss wouldn't mind practicing trying to have John's baby again and again, but she stopped her filthy thoughts before she totally slid into the gutter in front of a six year old.**

And BOOM, Aubrey happens ;D Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOX


	15. Chapter 15

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, John thought as he rummaged through his dresser for a t-shirt and a pair of his boxer-briefs for her to wear for night. The guest bedroom was just across the hall from the master. He should have insisted on taking her home. She called her son, so he gave her some privacy with the excuse of finding her something to wear. John felt exposed and raw, unaccustomed to crying in front of anyone. He had done so once, in front of Lionel when he learned Jessica had cheated on him again during the time when she tried to get him to change his mind on their separation. He hadn't meant to share any of what he had with her or anyone. But for some reason he had opened up and talked about his mother. His mother was a subject he didn't readily talk about because just thinking about finding her as he had could nearly bring him to his knees.

He slammed the dresser drawer shut while firmly shoving the thoughts of his past to the back of his mind. But Joss was right about one thing, he hadn't had a chance to grieve about either one of them, and maybe that was the reason the subjects still ached til this day. But he didn't have the first idea of how to grieve over them. He turned and exited his bedroom finding Joss looking in on Aubrey.

Joss looked over at him. "She's sleeping like a little angel."

"Yeah," he said thickly, feeling emotional over finding her looking in on his daughter. Then there was the fact that he opened up to her and she didn't seem to look at him any different. "Here," he held out his clothes for her to wear. She gave Aubrey one last look before softly closing the door and walked towards him.

Joss took the clothes, John tried to be careful and not touch her, but it didn't work and he took a few steps back afraid he'd just grab her and tug her into his bedroom. "Thanks, John."

He nodded his head before motioning towards the guest bedroom. "That's the guest room, the bathroom is right next door. There's aspirin in the medicine cabinet if you need it and there is a television in the guest room if you want to stay up. I'm turning in, I'm beat from painting the new place."

"Almost done?"

"Yeah, we should be moving in next weekend."

"I could help, maybe drag my kid over to help move you in," she offered. This was the first time she offered to let him meet her son; he was scared to hope that meant she was coming around and they could finally be together. And suddenly it felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over him as he forgot about Lila. Lila, who he was dating, and had a date with tomorrow. Lila, who was everything he should want, she was beautiful, intelligent, and fun. She only had one flaw, she just wasn't Joss Carter. Her kiss didn't make his stomach flutter or make his heart race. Her voice didn't make him need to close his eyes and savor the sound. Their conversations didn't interest him as much as his with this woman's did. He felt sick inside when he realized he was comparing the two women which was extremely unfair to Lila Radcliffe. "John, are you alright?" he jerked back when she touched him.

"I'm fine. Maybe I'll call you sometime and let you know." He felt disgusted with himself for comparing the two women. He had been hurt when Jessica did the very same thing to him.

She didn't call him a liar, but she did eye him suspiciously. He could almost see her switching her detective's gaze on him as she raked him from head to toe. "Alright," she said slowly, clearly concentrating, and he turned to get away from her hawk-eye gaze.

He paused in the doorway, turning to look back at her she was still gazing at him as if trying to figure out what he was thinking about. "Goodnight, Joss."

"Goodnight, John."

And with that he turned and firmly closed his bedroom door on Joss Carter for fear he was ready to haul her into his arms and beg her to love him.

* * *

Last night had been one long ass night. She should have forced the issue and went home by herself. Because she rolled out of bed feeling like a dead woman from lack of sleep, unable to sleep a wink. Her body ached a bit from the ass kicking she received. Although the Brotherhood won that round she was going to win the battle. If they thought taking her by surprise would work again, they had another thing coming there too. Fool her once shame on them, fool her twice shame on her. And Joss was damn well no fool.

But the lack of sleep really had nothing to do with her bruises or aching body. It had everything to do with the man across the hall from her that made her body ache in an extremely different way. She had been uncomfortably wet and ready for him all night, her nipples hard and aching. Her body didn't seem to care about the pounding she took, it wanted John's in the worst way. Joss wasn't a horny woman but John just brought out the baser needs in her. She hadn't had sex since Cal, hadn't wanted sex since she hadn't found a guy she was even remotely attracted too, and she was pretty sure John has been celibate since the mess with Veronica happened.

Ever since John asked for that awful space it felt like the sexual tension between them was mounting rather than dissipating. Wasn't giving him space supposed to make them want one another less rather than more, because she could honestly say she never wanted a man like she wanted John Reese. Not even Paul when she felt a similar overwhelming passion for him. Because her body craved John's while her heart yearned for him, she wasn't sure how much longer her innate goodness was going to win out over her need to tell John the truth. There was a possibility that this thing between John and Lila wouldn't go anywhere. So he had a few attempts at a first date with the woman, that didn't mean John was going to marry her or guarantee that Aubrey and her would hit it off. John was very mindful of his daughter. Maybe she should just tell him the truth like Shaw suggested and see where it landed her.

She got up, got dressed in her clothes from last night, and exited the bedroom and she was hit with an intoxicating aroma of bacon. She slowly went down the stairs, hearing Aubrey talking to her daddy. Joss entered the kitchen slowly, unsure of what he told his daughter.

"JOSS!" Aubrey squealed as she wiggled off the heavily cushioned chair so she could sit and see. The little kitten that sat near her chair followed close behind. John was standing by the stove dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

Joss looked down at Aubrey; she squatted down, and allowed the girl to run into her arms. "Good morning sweetheart."

"Good morning," Aubrey repeated hugging her tightly, before pulling back. John had braided Aubrey's long brown hair. She was wearing purple corduroy overalls and a white long-sleeved shirt that had a glittery purple heart lining the top of it, with her Elsa necklace firmly on around her skinny neck. "You have some ouchies," Aubrey said, eyeing her face.

Joss smiled as she petted Elsa, gently tucking some wisps of Aubrey's hair back. Joss loved this little girl so much, just like she loved her daddy. "Yeah, but your daddy took good care of me."

"Daddy takes good care of me too."

"I know he does," Joss agreed readily before standing up and allowed Aubrey to tug her to the table to sit beside her. She climbed onto the chair and Elsa meowed in annoyance for being too small to hop up. John walked over, placing two plates down, one in front of his daughter and one in front of her. Joss hesitated not about to eat without him seated. Aubrey's breakfast was one scrambled egg, two pieces of bacon, and orange juice. But she was little. John had supplied her plate with more eggs, bacon, and some sausage.

"Coffee, Joss?"

"Yeah, thanks." Grateful the man had brewed a quarter-pot of the lovely liquid, as she eyed it and licked her lips. He poured two mugs, turning to eye her. "One cream, one sugar," she assured him and he nodded. He did just as she asked, leaving his black and placed her mug in front of her. "Thanks."

"Eat," he motioned to her hot food.

"I will once you have yours done." He smiled as he turned heaping eggs, bacon, and sausage onto his plate. She smiled, the man had a big appetite. John sat down across from Aubrey and her, and she finally began eating. "This is delicious, John," she said after a while.

"Thanks."

"Daddy's food is yummy," Aubrey piped up. John eyed his daughter quizzically.

"Yes it is, your daddy is a wonderful cook," Joss agreed, smiling, and Aubrey smiled happily.

Everything was quiet while they shared a nice breakfast together, nearly finishing when Aubrey spoke up again. "Joss?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I want a mommy." John choked on his bacon. Joss glanced at him to make sure he was alright before looking at his daughter. "Anna's daddy has Anna's mommy to be with, my daddy doesn't have a mommy to be with," she continued.

"Aubrey," John tried as he coughed.

"Okay," Joss said, ignoring John. Let her say what she needed too, then they'd have to go from there, and she had a feeling what was coming next.

"I want you to be my mommy." And there it was. She looked at the little girl softly, wanting nothing more than to tell her, yes. "And I want a little sister because I want to hold her and dress her up," Aubrey stated and John sounded like he was wheezing. Joss wouldn't mind practicing trying to have John's baby again and again, but she stopped her filthy thoughts before she totally slid into the gutter in front of a six year old.

John chugged his coffee down before he wiped at his mouth with a napkin, and reached over the table to touch his daughter's hand and she looked at him. "Baby, you can't put Joss on the spot like that."

"I love Joss."

"I know you love her, sweetheart, but asking Joss to be your mommy isn't how it works."

"How then daddy? I want Joss as my new mommy." His daughter looked at him so earnestly. "And I want a baby sister so I can be a big sister like Elsa, please daddy please!"

"I'll give you two a quiet minute." Joss said sliding from the chair. John looked at her and nodded. Aubrey watched her. She exited the kitchen pacing back and forth for a few minutes. Judging by the crying she heard coming from the kitchen John was trying to explain things. This was a mess and all her fault because, had she just told John the truth about her feelings, then his daughter wouldn't be crying right now. Joss's cell rang and she winced. Probably her boy checking on her. She hurried over to her leather jacket, and tugged it out. Sure enough it was Taylor.

She answered it. "Hey honey,"

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, just a bit sore and bruised. Can you do me a favor and pick me up?" She had gotten her kid a car six month ago for his good grades.

"Sure mom, just give me the address of your friend and I'll be there."

"I'll text you it."

"Okay, mom, see you in about a half hour."

"See you," she said and hung up with her son before texting him John's address. Joss entered the kitchen, finding his daughter in his lap, face buried in his neck sobbing. He rubbed a hand against her back, whispering something to her. She walked to the pair.

Joss sat down beside them and touched Aubrey's hair. "Aubrey," she commanded quietly.

The little girl turned her head. "I want you as my mommy, Joss."

She motioned to take her and John nodded, Aubrey easily slid onto her lap. "I know you do, but your daddy explained how it works." The little girl nodded and more tears welled up in her blue eyes. "Daddy and I would need to fall in love."

"But I love daddy, he's the bestest so you can love daddy too," Aubrey reasoned.

She smiled. "Your daddy is the best, sweetheart. But even if I never become your mommy I will always be here for you. I love you, Aubrey, so very much."

"I love you." Aubrey hugged her tightly. Joss eyed John over his daughter's head, seeing the look in his eyes, and to hell with being selfless or not, she was telling John the truth.

Joss helped the girl back into her chair to finish what was left of her breakfast. "I should get my shoes on, my son is coming over to pick me up." She said quietly as she stood next to his daughter, gently playing with her hair to soothe the child.

"You can use the shower." John said.

She waved him off. "I'll just get ready for work at home, I need a change of clothes anyway. I'll just show up late. But thanks, John." She turned to walk to his foyer where her shoes rested to have them on and be ready before her son arrived. She was going to need to get her son out of John's place before he could ask any questions that she couldn't answer in front of John. Joss knew her son had questions because he was asking them last night, but she begged him to let her explain everything this morning when he picked her up. She got her pumps on before her son arrived and went back into the kitchen checking on Aubrey, when the doorbell rang. John immediately walked to the door and answered it. She heard soft talking, as they introduced themselves to one another before her boy arrived in the kitchen.

"Mom," he rushed her and hugged her.

She smiled. "I'm alright; you know it will take more than what those guys had to take me down," she reassured him as she rubbed her son's back. They parted and her son eyed her cuts and bruises and when he seemed to be reassured that that's all that was wrong with her, he relaxed. Taylor looked down at where Aubrey was seated eating the last of her breakfast as she looked up at Taylor.

"Hi, I'm Aubrey," she greeted.

Taylor smiled. "Hi, Aubrey,"

"Aubrey, this is my son, Taylor," Joss introduced. Taylor's smile widened as Aubrey held out her hand for a handshake. He took it immediately. Taylor eyed John with interest as he put Elsa into Aubrey's lap to cheer her up, before looking back at Aubrey. "Cute kitten."

"Her name is Elsa," Aubrey stated as Taylor rubbed the kitten's head. Elsa meowed in happiness.

"Elsa, from Frozen, that's a perfect name, especially for a kitten with white paws." Joss smiled as her boy made conversation with the little six year old.

"I could make you breakfast, Taylor," John offered, gaining the boy's attention after a few minutes.

"No thanks, you did more than enough for taking care of my mom. She doesn't have many people to watch her back, so I'm glad she has someone she could turn to."

John looked at her. "Your mother can always come to me if she needs me, I'll always be here for her," he said and Taylor stepped away from her and hugged John. Joss smirked at the odd look on John's face before he relaxed and hugged the boy back. She was sure John was unaccustomed to having someone appreciate him.

Taylor, let go of John and stepped back. "Well baby, we will be showing our appreciation as I offered our services in helping him move into his new home with his baby girl this weekend," Joss said.

Taylor nodded immediately. "I could bring some of my friends too, so they can help. Ryan and Ty both have a crush on you mom." She knew it too. Teenage boys weren't exactly slick.

John looked flustered. "Oh, I don't think…."

"That's a wonderful idea, Tay, god knows those boys need to burn off some extra energy they have," she answered for John smoothly. "But we should get going or you'll be really late for school," Joss said, rubbing her son's arm before walking over to the little girl. She dropped a kiss on her head. "See you later, Aubrey."

"Bye, Joss," the little girl said, looking sad. Joss walked over to John as she watched her son walk towards the front door.

"Can we have dinner one night, to talk without little ears around?" So she could tell him how much she loved him and wanted to be with him.

John looked at her. "I think we should, I'll call you later and set it up."

"Alright, see you soon, John." She whispered wanting to kiss him but refrained. Not only because Aubrey was here, but so was her boy. Joss reluctantly walked away, before sidling up to her son, and John closed the door behind them. They walked side by side to his car.

"So," Taylor started as he climbed into the driver's side.

"So what, Taylor?"

"So who is he?" he asked.

She sighed realizing she wasn't going to be able to wiggle out of this conversation with her teenage son. "He's a guy I helped a couple months ago get out of a bad situation he was trapped in. It's a long and complicated story but cutting it short, he wants a committed relationship, a wife, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to try another relationship."

"You divorced dad and lost Cal so it must be hard to get back into dating and to try again. I know I was young when things fell apart with dad so I don't know the particulars but I know enough." Joss never would tell Taylor everything because Paul was still Taylor's father, and she wanted her son to have a good relationship with him. Taylor didn't need to know the horrors of her life with his father until it got so bad she had to end the relationship for the safety of herself and their son. Paul was better now and they were on gentle speaking terms, nothing that went past Taylor and they were both okay with that.

She looked at her boy as he drove away from John's place. "You don't think your mom was being a coward for being scared to go after what she wanted even though I taught you to do the exact thing?" she asked fearing he would look down on her.

"Of course not, you're not a coward, you're the strongest woman I know but you are also only human. Yeah, you taught me to go after what I want but you also taught me it's okay to feel fear, mom, and so can you," Taylor said.

Her boy always managed to put things into perspective. He always had her best interests at heart, just as she would always have his, and he would always be her little man. "You always have my back. I love you baby boy."

"Always and you always have mine, mom. I love you too and I want you happy. You deserve it and if this guy makes you happy then tell him and take things as slow as you need it to be."

Time to fess up, telling Taylor would be good practice for when it came time to tell John. Admitting fears and failures were hard for her, nearly as hard as asking for help. So here goes nothing. "I'm in love with him, Tay, and I want to be with him. I was scared to be with him for fear of it ending and I would lose him like everyone else. But I'm not afraid anymore because this thing between us is something different then with your dad or Cal. It's far deeper, stronger than anything I have ever felt before," she admitted and her son nodded.

"Are you going to tell him, because I think his daughter is looking at you with stars in her eyes, mom?"

"I am and his daughter just asked me to be her mom."

"I always wanted a sibling." Taylor admitted with a quick smile. "You're going to have to tell me everything about this guy eventually. Then again, I already get the sense he's unused to gratitude and unused to asking for help. So this weekend when we are moving in his things, I'm going to figure him out."

"You do that and when you do, let me know," Joss commanded and her son chuckled and they lapsed into comfortable silence as he drove them home.

* * *

AN: Here's the little teaser for the next chapter:

 **"First off, Shaw exaggerated her hair because it's not that bad. Secondly, yes I want to end things with Lila and I don't want to wait until tonight. It's not very nice to let her believe it's our second date when I want to stop seeing her."**

Poor Lila, she didn't stand a chance not with the machine, Aubrey, and John all wanting John with Joss ;D Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	16. Chapter 16

Once home she took a shower, changed, and hurried her kid off to school. While she was at home Joss thought about the impending dinner with John. She was determined to tell him how she felt and she was surprised when he agreed that they needed to talk. Joss had a feeling the spiel about giving him distance was coming again but this time because of his daughter. However, she was going to say what she needed to before he even uttered one single syllable. After she finished getting ready for work, she took a taxi to the precinct.

"What happened?" Fusco demanded, motioning at her bruised and cut up face as she strode to her desk. She got staring glances from others but she ignored them.

"I got a present from the Brotherhood who has taken exception to me investigating the death of Jermaine Goodwin. Speaking of which, I need to report my car stolen."

"They beat you up and then stole your car?"

She nodded her head. "Yea, they think that's going to scare me off," she retorted.

Fusco smirked. "They should have done their research a little better, you're a rabid pitbull when you are seeking justice for someone."

"I take that as a compliment. But I didn't give up on bringing down HR, so I'm sure the hell not going to let some no-name gang stop me."

"I'll help."

Joss nodded grateful, she was quiet for a moment. She needed someone to talk to about what Aubrey said and Lionel was it. "Aubrey asked me to be her mother this morning."

Lionel blinked in shock. "She did?—more importantly, why were you seeing wonder-boy this early in the morning? Please say you finally gave up this noble sacrifice crap and told him the truth so he could send the bag lady packing."

"The attack happened near John's place last night, I went to him for help and he insisted I stay at his place for the night. But no, I haven't told John the truth yet but I'm going to, he agreed we needed to talk, and we are going to go to dinner together. I'm going to tell him then." She might not be able to be Aubrey's mother right away; they would need to take things slowly but maybe if her and John did things right, she could be.

Lionel's phone buzzed with a text. He walked to his desk and eyed it. "I'll be right back," he started to walk away.

"Everything alright?" she questioned.

"Everything's fine Carter," he assured her with a smile before turning to walk away.

* * *

John waited in his car as Lionel headed over. He had texted him just about five minutes earlier. Fusco seemed to have a bounce in his step as he got closer. He slid into the passenger seat. "So what did you want to talk about, wonder-boy?" Fusco asked, seemingly like he knew what he was going to say.

"I was wondering if you knew any good pointers on how to let a nice woman down, since you seem to think you're a ladies' man," he asked and Fusco seemed surprised, so whatever he had thought he was going to say, that wasn't it.

He snorted. "I know I am, at least more so than you. Just be honest, John, but can I ask why? Are you thinking of ending things with polka-dot lady with the bird's nest for hair?" Lionel asked, knowing but wanting a confirmation anyway. It would be better to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

John exhaled roughly as he shifted uncomfortably. "First off, Shaw exaggerated her hair because it's not that bad. Secondly, yes I want to end things with Lila and I don't want to wait until tonight. It's not very nice to let her believe it's our second date when I want to stop seeing her."

Just as Lionel figured, it had to be because of Carter. "Figured, is it because you are in love with Carter still?" Lionel asked.

"Yes." John said softly. So much for asking for space, it hadn't worked, it only served to make him want her more. They were connected thanks to his daughter's constant wish to see her, be around her, and talk to her. But it couldn't work if Joss didn't want him, so his only option left to save his heart and his daughter's from being totally broken was to completely remove them from her. The prospect of even doing so made his heart clench. "Aubrey wants her as her mother."

Lionel barely withheld his 'I know'. "Oh, doesn't surprise me since my partner is a friendly woman and loves kids. Of course Aubs was going to gravitate towards her. Your daughter has a good sense of character, which is why she sent the viper in the red dress on her merry ole' way."

John looked down. "Yeah," he had talked with Lionel about Aubrey exhibiting possessive behavior and his best friend hadn't seemed worried. He said that Aubrey would out-grow it. Now John wondered if Aubrey had a set woman in mind to be her new mother and was more possessive of that.

"Are you going to tell Carter you're still in love with her?" Lionel was having a hard time keeping his mouth shut about Carter being in love with John. He hated having this kind of secret from John, Carter better tell him soon before he completely burst.

"Why bother?—so she can tell me what I already know, that she doesn't want me, and the kiss meant nothing."

"Kiss what kiss, you two kissed?" Lionel demanded gleeful. "Are we talking like the stakeout kiss or are we talking like kissing cousins?" John glared at him. "Alright, wonder-boy, making out…with my partner."

He exhaled. "It doesn't matter, Lionel, she doesn't want me not like I want her. It's the story of my life, I'm never enough, but I figured out how my story ends."

"How, John?" Fusco asked having a bad feeling. John sounded like he was giving up and that wasn't John, John never gave up. It was why it took forever to get him out of that marriage with Jessica, because he wanted to fix things and kept trying.

He looked out the windshield. "You know who I'm enough for, Lionel?—Aubrey, and she's all I need. I realized that dating women, trying to force myself to move on from Joss isn't going to work, because no one compares to her. So my story ends simply, with me being alone." Aubrey was all he needed. Maybe someday the love he felt for Joss would simply fade away, he doubted it, but at least he'd be happy just raising his daughter.

No, no, no, no, he couldn't let John think that. "I think it does matter, maybe you should try talking to Carter again. You don't know, maybe she changed her mind about this love business," he said desperately. Finally his two best friends were at the right place in their lives to be together and they were still messing it up. What did he need to do, draw them a map, or lock them in a room with no way to escape, and force them to figure it out?! Sheesh!

John eyed Lionel, genuinely confused. "You're about to burst, Lionel, what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing, just talk with her, alright?" he commanded gruffly. "Preferably after you give Snoozy the old heave ho, but gently, since you seem to think she's nice."

"She is nice, which is why I feel like a jackass loving and lusting after another woman while I'm with her. But thanks for nothing, Lionel, I could have thought of being honest. So much for being a ladies' man, more like a lady repeller," he complained with a smirk and his best friend snorted with laughter, before climbing out of his car and heading back to the precinct.

John left the precinct's parking lot after getting no good advice from Lionel. He had been hoping Lionel had something in his repertoire to let down a woman gently. He arrived at the office building where the accounting firm that Lila worked for was located at. She had practically insisted on him visiting when she gave him the location, she seemed so eager and so excited to go out with him. He walked to the elevator and clicked the 3 button and the elevator doors slid shut. After a short journey up, he found her firm and entered.

Men and women were walking around and he saw Lila who saw him first and made her way over towards him with a smile. "John?—what are you doing here? Couldn't wait to see me until tonight?" she asked pleasantly surprised as she rose up pressing her lips against his cheek. "Good, because I couldn't wait either. I was about to call you." And the feeling that he was an ass grew. He forced a smile on his face as she stepped back.

"Lila can we talk privately?" he asked and her smile froze before she nodded. Lila led him to her office where she closed the door behind him.

She turned and looked at him as she crossed her arms across her chest. "I know that tone, it's the tone I have heard from other men when they're about to break things off with me," she said, trying to smile. "Am I right?"

He stared at her. "Yes," he agreed quietly.

Lila tried to not feel like she was kicked in the heart, but she did. She really liked John, he was an amazing guy. "May I ask what I did?"

John stepped forward touching her cheek. "It's not you, Lila, it's me."

"People always say that when they really mean it actually is me, and not them," she replied, it happened with her husband. He found a new younger woman.

"Well in this case that's not true, Lila, because it's all me. You did nothing wrong, we had a nice first date after the third try to get even that far."

She nodded. "And you agreed to a second one. So why are you canceling and changing your mind?" she asked.

He looked at her unsure of how to say this without hurting her, so he decided honesty was the best policy. He didn't want Lila to think she was unlikeable or something, because he did like her and was, on some level, attracted to her. But he loved Joss and he couldn't expel it from him no matter what he did.

"On our first date I accidentally brought up a woman named Joss and you asked me who she was to me, and I said she's a friend," he began.

She nodded. "I remember." She remembered the way his eyes lit up too, talking about her.

"There is more to it than just that."

"How much more, John?"

"I'm in love with her. And I tried to let it go because she doesn't want me like that, but I can't. I just don't want to hurt you, Lila, I care about you."

She nodded, having had a feeling there was something going on there. "Thank you for being honest with me, John, not many men would," she said sincerely. Most men would have continued to string her along, but John wasn't like most men, and she felt like something amazing was snatched from her.

"I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

She gave him a weak smile. "It's okay, I'm okay. I kind of figured there was more than friendship by the way you lit up talking about her, but hoped it wasn't the case."

John winced internally, somewhat upset that he was that readable about his feelings for Joss. "Maybe we can remain friends," he offered.

Lila's weak smile slid away. "I can't, John, I'm sorry, being just your friend won't work because I'll want more than what you'd want to give." John nodded as he stepped back, wondering if he should have told Joss the same thing when she asked.

"Alright, if you change your mind you know where I am."

She nodded. "Bye, John," she whispered. He turned leaving, slowly walking away. His shoulders were slumped, feeling like a giant ass, knowing he had hurt a nice woman as he exited her firm and strode to the elevator before his cell rang.

He tugged it out of his leather coat's pocket, scowled as he answered it. "What do you want, Shaw?" he demanded as he put the phone to his ear.

"Still pissed at me for yesterday?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm hungry, want to do lunch?" she asked instead of apologizing. He rolled his eyes. "My treat," she added as if that was the deciding factor for him. He wanted to tell her no, hold onto his anger for yesterday, but couldn't. Why bother, things between him and Lila were done anyway?

"Where?" he asked reluctantly.

"Lyric Diner."

"I'll be there in ten," he said before he hung up as he exited the building and walked to his car. However, it didn't even take him ten minutes to get to the diner where Shaw summoned him. He found the gruff brunette sitting at a booth in the back. He sat down across from her and she was already eating. "Couldn't wait for me?"

"I can't wait eight minutes for my food." She grumbled as she smothered her fries with ketchup. He shook his head with a small smile. "Plus, I'm paying so I'm eating whenever the hell I want," she added.

"You paying _is_ quite the shock."

Shaw eyed him as a smirk graced her face. "Finch thought I should make up for my behavior yesterday. I figured lunch would suffice as talking isn't one of my strong suits."

"You don't say? I wouldn't ever have figured that," he said sarcastically. A half smile inched her lips up. "You do know I'm going to buy the most expensive lunch on the menu, right?" he said in a way of accepting her silent apology.

"Guessed, which is why I took Finch's credit card with me." Shaw commented dryly, and John chuckled softly. The waitress appeared and he ordered just a burger with fries, and a soda. Once she left he leaned back and eyed her.

She was looking at him like she wanted to ask him something. "What, Shaw?"

"I need someone to be my husband, namely you."

"I'm flattered but you're not my type," he said. "I like my women a little less angry all the time."

"You like your women a little more Carter, but not what I meant, wonder-boy." He cocked a eyebrow. "What, the name is fitting, and I guess Lionel is good for something." She commented while she scarfed down her sandwich. "What I meant is that I need someone to pose as my husband that would be good in the field. You got military training, know how to handle a weapon, and you have fighting skills, so you fit the bill. Finch is handicapped so he can't, Carter and Root can't because they don't have a penis, and Lionel can't because he already met with our number. That leaves you."

John was intrigued. He talked with both Shaw and Finch about their reliable source during one of their lunches, how he figured it wasn't human, and they reluctantly told him everything. John had been stunned and a little weirded out by it, but not entirely surprised. It made sense that 'The machine,' as they called it, was an artificial intelligence. He glanced at the camera in the corner, smiling (not knowing he had a yellow box around his head), before looking back at the woman before him.

"What's the case?" he asked slowly.

"We will pose as a married couple at a private gala. Our newest number is millionaire businessman, Victor Jackson; he's having a charity gala at his mansion tonight and Mr. and Mrs. Warner are going to attend."

"Mr. and Mrs. Warner, I presume are invited?"

"Yes, they were about a month ago, and currently they are being treated to an all-expenses paid vacation in the Caribbean. So we are taking their place, Mr. Robert Warner," Shaw explained and then made a face. "You don't look like a Robert."

"And you are?"

Shaw made a face. "Mrs. Ivanna Warner."

John made a face. "Ivanna is a far cry from Sameen."

"Don't I know it," she lamented.

"You really think that whoever the threat to this Victor Jackson is will strike at this gala?"

Shaw shook her head. "Never know when the threat will strike, but if something does go down, we need to be on the inside to stop it. We narrowed down the suspects to three individuals; first is a former disgruntled employee from the call center of his New York based headquarters. Victor Jackson is owner of Jackson's Supply Co."

"That Victor Jackson! He's slowly but surely stealing all customers from all the other home improvement stores," John commented. Hell, even he shopped there for paint for his new place.

Shaw shrugged as she smothered her fries with more ketchup, just as his lunch was placed in front of him along with his drink. "One and the same. Second possible threat is coming from another businessman named Ryan Henry; he's trying to force a buyout of a land development area in the upper Manhattan suburb. Jackson owns the property and won't sell."

Sounds like candidate two that had the most to gain so far. "And the third?"

"Ex-wife who is calling and threatening him and the new wifey," Shaw said. This was the first time they actively come to him for help. John was intrigued by what they did but also cautious, he had his daughter to think about. As he told Finch a while ago, he wasn't about to do anything that left his daughter orphaned.

But one case would be fun, let him use his skills he learned long ago. "Alright, I'm in, I'll find a babysitter for Aubrey."

* * *

Joss entered the deli market. Javier turned and looked at her, he was stunned. "Didn't think I'd come back did you?" she questioned. "But intimidation and threatening, just makes me more determined rather than less." Javier remained quiet but his eyes brimmed with tears. "But it worked on you didn't it? You led me to that alleyway at the behest to the Brotherhood, didn't you?" he jerked his head up and down. "You mentioned a son named Jose, did they threaten him if you didn't?"

Javier looked at her. "My boy is all I have left, I lost his mother two years ago." Joss had figured he had been threatened to lure her there. In her conversation with him here he had been sweet but nervous, and on the phone last night he had been decidedly anxious and quiet. Now she understood why.

"You know something about Jermaine Goodwin's death; I can protect you and your son, but I can't do that if you don't let me," she said slowly.

"Why would you even want to help me after I led you to a trap?" he asked.

"Because, Javier, you're a good guy, just stuck, and I've helped others who were stuck in bad situations like yourself, so please tell me what you know. I know you looked at the tape and saw what happened, you wouldn't look me in the eyes when you told me you didn't see who killed Jermaine. And I know Dominic's men know you know who did it, because why else would they come here after I was snooping around for Jermaine's killer to make sure you remain quiet," she said, which meant Dominic's men were watching this neighborhood, and maybe keeping tabs on Javier. "Please, Javier, tell me what you know."

"If I tell you what I know, you'll protect my boy? I don't care about me, I care about Jose."

"I'll protect you both, you have my word," she promised. "Please let me bring justice for Jermaine and give his parents closure. They aren't as lucky as you are to have your son home safe."

Javier looked at her, then nodded. He unsteadily unlocked his safe underneath the cash register and pulled out a disc. "I lied to you when I said I destroyed the video recording because I didn't. The Brotherhood thinks it's destroyed. I just couldn't live with myself if I destroyed evidence." Joss took it, pocketing it in her coat, so no one would know, just in case Dominic or his men were watching.

Joss smiled. "Thank you, I'll have a police escort for your son and for you. I might need you to testify that they are trying to keep you quiet."

"As long as my boy will remain safe, I'll do what I can to help you. I got you hurt and it could have been worse."

Joss smiled patting his hand seeing the guilt on his face. He was just trying to protect his son, she understood. "You have my word," she vowed. She pulled out her cell phone and called for backup.

* * *

AN: Uh-oh, John's trying to run for the hills to protect his daughter and his heart, even though the woman they both want is going to try to tell him how she feels ;D Only a handful more chapters, so here's a teaser:

 **"John broke things off with Lila." Fusco said happily.**

 **Joss smiled. "He did?"**

 **"Yes, you're still planning on telling him that you're in love with him, right Carter? Because John thinks he's destined to be alone."**

I know you guys are patiently waiting for Careese but...there is no face to face Careese until chapter 18. They are somewhat separated in the next chapter. I'll try to post quickly :)


	17. Chapter 17

_**AN: Sorry I was going to post this yesterday but I got busy like nobody's business :/ But anyhoo, I hope you guys enjoy the non-Careese chapter.**_

* * *

It took only a few hours to find her car after she reported it stolen. The Brotherhood didn't trash it but they did manage to leave no trace of physical evidence as to who stole it. But she was glad to have it back in her possession. And she wasn't stupid, she had the thing looked over with a fine toothed comb, and found a bug placed under the hood. Also one under the dash on the inside, and once she was sure it was bug free she happily drove it once more.

After she received the disc from Javier, who was in police custody for protection along with his boy, she had watched it over and over again trying to identify the men who murdered Jermaine in cold blood. But unfortunately, not being familiar with this gang, it wasn't going over that well, which is why she was enlisting the help of the Gang Unit. They were sending a new transferee in the unit over, some detective named Dani Silva who was quite familiar with the gang.

Lionel stopped directly in front of her. "What's going on, find anything out on the men who attacked you?"

She shook her head, waving it off as unimportant. "I'm not even investigating my attack, all I care about solving the cold case, and I'm close. Javier lied to me, he has the disc with the murder occurring on it still. He handed it over once he saw what they did to me."

"Scared?"

"Petrified of the Brotherhood, they scared him by threatening his son. I currently have him and the boy in police protection. But since he gave me the recording I'm about to solve it once I can identify the two in the video. They're in the Brotherhood gang that much I do know, and unfortunately I can't get Floyd Goodwin for luring her brother there, but at least I'll get the one that killed him and the one that was the accomplice to it."

"I'll help in any way to get these guys that beat you up," Fusco assured her. Joss smiled, grateful for the backup. "Can I talk to you privately though, I need to tell you something personal?" he asked.

She nodded and was about to follow him to the interrogation room for privacy when a brunette girl walked towards her desk wearing tight jeans, a leather jacket, and wore a scowl that seemed to be permanent. Joss paused, glancing at the young woman. "May I help you?" Joss asked.

The woman turned and she saw a badge hanging on the pocket. "I'm Silva, and you are?" attitude dripping and Joss smirked, already liking this one.

"Detective Joss Carter," she held out her hand and Silva took it.

"I heard about you, you're the detective that took down HR."

"I am," she acknowledged. "But enough about that, I need your help with the Brotherhood. Maybe you can help me I.D. these two men who are visibly murdering someone," Joss said, leading Silva towards the TV in the corner with the DVD player set up. Silva paused beside her as she started the surveillance. Silva gave off no indication of being shocked as Jermaine Goodwin was shot in the back of the head twice. Joss paused it. "Do you recognize them?"

Silva narrowed her eyes. "I do, the one pulling the trigger, his name is Justyn."

"You have a last name?"

Silva shook her head. "No, but I have something better for you, a location," she said looking at her. Joss immediately grabbed her pad handing it to her. Silva scribbled the address of where to find him. "He's known to hang out at this dive bar a lot."

"What about the other one, the one that's abetting him?" Joss questioned.

"No clue," Silva admitted. "Maybe new, we have been trying to track them and learn who the leader is, but no one has seen Dominic's face."

That much she knew from Elias. She nodded. "Well at least I'll get the one that pulled the trigger that took the life of Jermaine Goodwin."

"Get one more gang banger off the street is fine by me," Silva responded gruffly before turning to leave.

"Silva," Joss called out and the woman paused and turned to look back at her. "If you need help with this gang let me know, they gave me a parting gift last night and I want to bring down Dominic." Joss motioned at her face. Silva eyed the bruises and cuts before nodding.

"I doubt I will but thanks for the offer." And with that Silva turned and walked away. Joss smiled, wondering if she came across that mistrusting with fellow detectives herself. She liked this Silva.

She looked at Lionel. "Was I like that when we met?"

Lionel snorted. "Worse."

She chuckled. "Care to come with me for backup, Silva gave me a location for the man in the video."

"Hell yeah, I'll come," Fusco jumped up, immediately holstering his piece and walking beside her as they left to go get this murdering scum.

Fusco drove and she eyed her watch, seeing it was nearly seven in the evening. She couldn't wait any longer, she grabbed her phone and called John.

His phone rang twice before he answered. "Hi Joss."

"Hi John, I'm calling to see if you would like to go out to dinner tonight after I arrest one of the Brotherhood gang members? Say eight thirty?" That left her enough time to head home, pick out a smoking hot dress, and get pretty for him.

"Did you find one of them that hurt you?" he demanded. She heard a voice that sounded vaguely like a muffled Shaw.

She frowned. "No, it's for that cold case I told you about. Is that Shaw in the background?" she demanded.

"Yes."

Joss distinctly remembered Finch and Shaw telling her that Shaw was going undercover at some private party tonight to get close to their new number, Victor Jackson, who had like three possible threats coming his way. Why in the hell was John with her?!

She tried to quell the immediate urge to bark out questions, she mentally calmed herself. "I thought she was working one of those cases," she said slowly.

"She is, she asked me to pose as her husband because Finch isn't physically able to and the person has seen Lionel before. And Shaw said you can't since you're not a man, thank god," John said.

"She did what?"

"Joss, are you alright? You sound upset."

"I-I'm fine." Wait until she got a hold of that miniature person, she was going to wring her scrawny neck!

"I can't do dinner tonight, how about tomorrow, we really need to talk," he suggested.

"Yes we do," she snarled. Like he was not working with Finch and Shaw, what they did was dangerous, and if he figured out where they got their information from he could be in danger. "How about Del Frisco's Grille again at seven?" she demanded.

"Okay, are you sure you're alright, Joss? You don't sound yourself?" he questioned further, sounding concerned.

"Peachy, see you soon." She hung up.

Fusco eyed her. "What the hell was that about?"

"Shaw's a dead woman. She asked John to pose as her husband to help her work a case!" What if they were wrong and someone tried to kill Jackson at the private party. There was no one to help them, there was no backup.

"Damn it, I didn't want John working with angry Batgirl and Mr. Vocabulary on this mission of theirs. It's dangerous, he's got a six year old to think about," Fusco complained. Joss agreed and why she was going to try her hardest at putting a stop to it.

* * *

"God, this place makes me want to stab everyone," Shaw complained as they walked with linked arms, sipping their champagne.

"Please, don't," he commented dryly.

She looked at him. "Can't, this dress cost a small fortune," she said. He rolled his eyes, yes, that's the reason why not to stab everyone. "What did Carter want?"

He pocketed his cell phone. "To ask me to dinner, she seemed upset to learn that you asked me to help."

Shaw smirked. "I bet she's dreaming of ways to murder me."

"Why?" He was honestly stumped. Fusco had reacted the same way when he learned he remained in touch with Finch and he believed the four were friends. Joss and Fusco even helped Shaw and Finch with their not exactly legal methods of saving people's lives. So what gave, why couldn't he help them? It wasn't like he didn't have training, it was in fact why the CIA came knocking. They wanted to make him into a killer for the country and he didn't want that. John shuddered to think what would have happened to him had he decided to join, he wouldn't have Aubrey, he wasn't even sure if he'd still be alive.

"Because our mission is hazardous, on more than one occasion we nearly got killed," she shrugged. "I'm guessing she doesn't want you anywhere near us because of your kid."

He nodded. Maybe he should reassure Joss and Lionel that he wasn't planning on working with Harold and Shaw to put them more at ease. He had no desire to be employed by Finch who had hinted that if he wanted a new job, he could have it with them. "I don't mind helping you and Finch here and there, but I'm not looking to join you guys in your mission. My daughter keeps me hopping enough; I want to spend time with her and what you guys do won't afford me that luxury."

Shaw looked at him sharply. "So you wouldn't mind helping me in the field?"

"No I wouldn't mind helping, I just don't want to be employed by Harold," he agreed. Shaw nodded thoughtfully, glad she had another asset and one like Reese.

"Because of your new job."

He glared at her. "How do you know about my job offer that I took. I haven't told anyone about it except Lionel?" he demanded. Shaw shrugged. "I really want you and Finch to stop listening in on my conversations."

"You, Fusco, and Carter all want that, but we'll never stop listening in. You three are our assets, we need to make sure you are safe."

More like keep tabs on them, but John didn't complain as it wouldn't do any good anyway. Talking to Shaw was like talking to thin air sometimes. Finch and Shaw were going to continue to listen in on his conversations, but two could play that game. Maybe it was time to reverse the tables and see how they enjoyed being listened in on, maybe it was time to do some surveillance on Finch and Shaw.

But that would have to wait, he had his job to settle into, move into his new home, and talk to Joss first before he could teach these two nosy friends of his a lesson. "Yes but technically it's not a new job, it's just a full time position, I already put my two weeks' notice in at the police academy." The manager in the position to hire and fire at the academy was displeased and thought money would make him want to stay. John nearly choked on the amount the man threw out but he declined. It wasn't about the money, he was financially secure. He wanted to help people and while training cadets on weapons did help them become officers, it wasn't what he wanted to do. John was sure the police academy would find a better instructor than him in no time.

"Do you really want to teach Monday through Friday self-defense classes, Reese? What about the weapons training?" she demanded. The gym where he taught the self-defense classes wanted him full time, his classes were booked solid and bringing them more and more memberships. Women wanted to learn how to be safe and he wanted to train them how to be exactly that, safe. He was even getting his own room dedicated to it, 7 one hour classes Monday-Friday, but most importantly he got to choose the hours. While he chose Monday-Thursday all morning and afternoon classes so he had his nights free to be with his baby, he kept Fridays late afternoons and night for those women that had to work and couldn't come until later. He wanted to make sure he reached everyone.

He smiled. "Yes Shaw, I do, because working Monday through Friday at one job is much better then what I'm doing right now. I want to spend more time with my daughter and this gives me that. I'll miss training the cadets, but I'll happily give that up to spend time with Aubrey."

But they clammed up the moment a man and a woman walked their way. "You two make an extremely gorgeous couple," the blonde woman in the red gown said as she eyed John and Shaw. They looked at one another and made a face, neither one was each other's type.

Shaw looked at the blonde. "Yeah, well I couldn't get this one off me."

"Oh, dear, I think you exaggerate," John replied.

Shaw smirked, fine by her. "It's true, I can't get my hands off of him," she agreed and the woman nodded as she gave John an appreciative gaze so Shaw grabbed his butt, feeling him tense. The couple grinned as they eyed them as she pinched a butt-cheek hard and he moved. John and Shaw kept their smiles locked in place as the couple walked away.

John scowled at her once they were out of earshot, and manually removed her hand from his ass. "Didn't I tell you if you touched my ass again I'd break every bone in your body?" he wondered through clenched teeth as he threw her hand down.

Shaw eyed him before placing her empty glass on a tray as a waiter walked by. John put his half drank one down as well, before linking arms once more. "And I remember telling you I'd like to see you try. But I'm just keeping the single bitches looking at you away and testing the goods out for Carter," Shaw shrugged. "It's what friends are for, Reese," she commented as they mingled their way out to the veranda where they watched their number, Victor Jackson, had gone off to.

"Joss doesn't want to grab my ass, Shaw." He wished she did, but sadly he was friend-zoned and would be there forever. But he couldn't continue seeing Joss anymore, asking for space hadn't worked, and his daughter had latched onto her. It just wasn't fair to Aubrey, it wasn't her fault no one could love him but her, and it certainly wasn't Joss's fault that he only wanted Joss Carter. But he came to terms with being alone, and maybe it was for the best.

Shaw eyed him incredulously. "Are you dense?—Carter's got a lady boner for you." God, these two made her to want to shoot one or both of them to exorcise some of her own frustration she was dealing with, and she wasn't even the one not having sex! Shaw was close to just ousting Carter's little secret and have it done with. Carter could thank her later. Two sex starved middle aged people going at it for the first time, she was going to demand an expensive six course meal from Carter for the orgasmic sex she was going to have with Reese.

"Your way with words rivals Shakespeare," John deadpanned.

Shaw snorted, but before she could tell Reese and get those coveted free expensive meals, she eyed the scene before them. "Do you see what I see?" she demanded, annoyed that their little talk would have to end, it seemed finally something was going to happen instead of her wanting to kill everyone, including herself, from boredom.

"If you are seeing men converging on our number, then yes I'm seeing it," John agreed. She nodded, then scowled as John left her in the dust, running forward leaving her behind because of these god damn heels, blocking the man from jabbing a syringe into Victor Jackson's neck from behind.

Jackson cried out in realization that people were trying to attack him. "Go call the cops," Shaw snapped in annoyance, some people really were stupid, and this Victor Jackson just appeared frozen in terror. Her words must have penetrated because their number ran putting enough distance between him and the men trying to kill him as he pulled out his cell phone, leaving her and Reese with the two man team. "Reese, try to find out who hired them."

"Working on it, Shaw."

Shaw ducked as the one man tried to hit her with a right cross. She gut checked him, looking over to where John was on defense, blocking punches and jabs easily before taking his well-aimed and well-timed ones. Reese was methodically taking the giant Caucasian, 6'6", 300 pound bald-headed freak of nature down, the douchebag didn't stand a chance as he was already struggling to keep up with a slimmer and shorter Reese, who was walking circles around the guy who was huffing and puffing. She didn't know why she was even worried. Reese was a better fighter than she was, which royally pissed her off.

She focused back on her big Latino guy throwing a couple jabs before she was pushed back and she grimaced as her ankle rolled thanks to the stupid heels she was wearing. "Damn heels," she complained stepping out of them quickly, ducking once more as the man rushed her and took a jab at his sternum and she heard his gasp as she winded him. She picked one black shoe that had a five inch heel and jammed the spiked heel into the man's shoulder as hard as she could. He cried out.

Shaw heard a gunshot go off accompanied by a loud wail, before a second just as her Latino tugged her heel out of his body before dropping to the ground howling in pain from a gunshot wound in the knee. She turned finding John standing in his tux, holding a gun.

John motioned at the bald-headed man rolling on the ground in agony. "He really should learn how to handle his gun better if he is going to continue being a criminal, that was way too easy disarming him."

They stepped together as they eyed the two men on the ground. "Who wants to talk? Who hired you to kill Victor Jackson?" Shaw demanded.

"W-who are you people?" John turned to look at the trembling man Victor Jackson who was speaking. "Y-you saved my life." He whispered as he shook from what nearly happened.

"A concerned third party," John supplied before turning and stepped on the syringe, breaking it, effectively making sure the contents couldn't hurt anyone.

Shaw eyed the two sad sacks on the ground whimpering. "So who wants to speak up, who hired you?" she said. When no one spoke up she shrugged. "Fine by me, I like a little torture." She grabbed her she heel that had some blood on it. Why dirty the other one? "You men love these damn heels on us ladies, so who wants this spiked heel jammed in their testicles first?" she asked conversationally, eyeing the heel, wishing it was a little sharper, and then the men before her.

John winced as he almost took a step back in reflex and his hands twitched to cover his manhood. Shaw eyed the guy she stabbed with her big ass heel before he shot him. "You, what's your name?" Shaw demanded as she toyed with the heel near him.

"M-Mateo," he managed through gritted teeth.

"Alright Mateo, let's start with you, hold him down, John." She commanded as she raised the heel above her head.

Mateo's eyes went wide. "Get this crazy bitch away from me!" he cried as he tried to crawl away from her, dragging his leg with the knee wound. The other one was whimpering in the corner comically covering his crotch as if to protect himself.

John smiled as he crouched down. "Not until you tell us who hired you to kill Victor Jackson."

"Who would want to kill me?" Victor spoke up, close to tears.

Shaw exercised restraint, wanting to grab the gun John held and shoot the whimpering rich man-child. Men and their emotions were really getting to her, especially men like this guy. "That's what we're trying to figure out," she growled before eyeing the guy she sorely wanted to castrate. "You should close your eyes because this is going to hurt, the other man I did this to squealed, or you tell me who hired you." When no answer was forthcoming she shrugged and brought her hand down.

The man screeched as he squirmed in John's hold. "RYAN HENRY!" Shaw stopped the heel's descent barely as it came awfully close to his nether region. "JUST GET THE CRAZY BITCH AWAY FROM ME!"

Shaw sat back, it never failed. Men were predictable. "Good news, you get to keep your two friends; bad news for the world since you are still able to procreate." She rummaged around Mateo finding his gun and taking it with her as she got to her feet with John beside her. They turned to look at Victor Jackson and saw a crowd beginning to form and security was making their way through the throng of on-lookers. "You'll be safe, Jackson, until the police arrive, these two aren't threats any longer," their number nodded his head.

She motioned for John to come with her, they turned and rushed off, and she left her stupid heels behind. Thank god she always came prepared and brought her boots in the car. She hit her earwig. "Finch, Ryan Henry hired men to kill Jackson," she said as they had to weave around the rich and boring.

"I know, I heard and I'm already running through his records now for a hidden money trail to hand to the police," Finch assured her.

"We're going to get Henry, right?" John asked as they hurried out of the mansion towards her car.

"Yes, you drive, Reese. Working with us is never a dull moment." She pitched. She liked the idea of having Reese as a partner. And with that they climbed into her car and he pulled away quickly before speeding down the road while she grabbed for her boots from the backseat.

* * *

"So, Carter," Fusco began while they drove towards the dive bar, trying to pull her out of the mood he could see Carter falling into.

Joss looked over at him while he drove. "So, what, Fusco?"

"About what I wanted to tell you, it's about John."

"Alright, go ahead," she said, eyeing the happy look on her friend's face. He almost looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"John broke things off with Lila." Fusco said happily.

Joss smiled. "He did?"

"Yes, you're still planning on telling him that you're in love with him, right Carter? Because John thinks he's destined to be alone."

"Yes I'm still planning on telling him how I feel."

Fusco smiled. "Finally! My two best friends are going to get together, took forever, but I guess better late than never."

Joss felt giddy now, nearly feeling as excited as Fusco looked before he told her that John broke things off with Lila. Knowing he broke things off with the woman made her feel even better about their impending dinner, but the fact that John felt like he was destined to be alone squashed the newfound excitement. It only solidified to her that the reason for this dinner was to ask for more space or to stop seeing each other altogether, thinking it would help his daughter. She was going to have to talk to him quickly about her feelings, get him to understand that she had wanted this for a while before he started dating Lila. She didn't want John to think that this was only a gut reaction to what happened with his daughter, she wanted him to believe her when she said she was in love with him AND his daughter.

But she shelved her thoughts on their dinner as Fusco pulled up in front of the address and the dive bar Silva gave her as a location. Silva's info was pretty good since it looked like this place was overrun with gang bangers. She was only after the one and she was hoping the accomplice was there with him. They exited Fusco's car and men were eyeing them with disdain. Joss didn't give a damn. She kept her head held high as they entered the seedy bar in a bad part of town.

"HEY JUSTYN ARE YOU IN HERE?!" She shouted.

"Who wants to know?" Joss turned when a male voice spoke up from behind her. She looked the man up and down, recognizing him from the video. "Looks like you got your ass beat up, little girl." Her back stiffened. One of her assailants had called her 'little girl' and his voice sounded awfully familiar.

Joss eyed him. "Little girl, I've heard that before, just before the Brotherhood gave me a little gift." She looked around the dive bar. "Dominic here so I can question his manhood for sending four men to beat up one woman? I mean he must be a _big_ man to have the balls to do that," she snarled.

The man took a step forward looking angry. "I think you got exactly what you deserved, bitch."

"And I think you were one of my attackers, but I'm Detective Joss Carter and this is my partner Detective Lionel Fusco. We're looking for you, Justyn," she said as she took out her badge. "See this shiny badge? We have reason to believe you murdered a young man named Jermaine Goodwin."

"Never heard of him."

"Oh you never did?" She rolled her eyes. "Here's a refresher, he's the older brother of Floyd who is rumored to be one of Dominic's right hand men, or shall I say woman?"

"Bitch, you should have left it alone!"

She looked at Fusco who was already tense. "Leave a murder unsolved? Not going to happen," Fusco said with a shake of his head. "You're under arrest."

It was a flurry of movement. Men that had been standing docile were suddenly pulling out guns. She and Fusco ducked behind the bar counter as they began firing multiple rounds at them. "It's never a god damn slow day with you, Carter, is it?" Fusco griped as he leaned out, keeping low and shooting at knees.

"Nope," Joss whispered as she got up, using the counter as aide as she fired round after round, hitting anything that moved. She aimed for kneecaps or thighs so they couldn't go running off. She felt her focus tighten as she watched Justyn taking his time getting towards the back entrance to make a run for it. Thank god she and Fusco decided to call for backup as they drove up to the seedy bar just in case. Even if he did manage to get out of here, he wasn't going to get very far, the cavalry should be here any minute.

The bartender was hiding and she could hear him crying. Joss kind of felt bad for the guy, he was just trying to run his business; it wasn't his fault he had all these gang bangers showing up. Joss dropped down the moment she saw a barrel aimed her way, ducking down just as the bullet hit the coat tree behind her, splintered wood hitting them with flying wood chips.

Joss disengaged the empty clip, throwing it down before putting in a new full one. Fusco was leaning out firing. "We have two left, Justyn is trying to flee."

"Backup has to be here." She whispered. "Is it clear?"

"Yeh!"

She trusted Fusco's judgment before she got up again, firing. Joss aimed immediately for the man fleeing for the back exit and she shot. Joss grinned in success as he cried out as it hit him in the back of the knee. "Got you!" she said with success. "It's clear, Fusco!" she yelled.

She and Fusco got to their feet before kicking guns well away from hands, but it didn't really matter because most were cradling knees or thighs. Joss immediately rushed for Justyn, unfortunately she hadn't seen his accomplice in the murder of Jermaine. And she could tell this man would not rat out him or Dominic. He was too loyal. A few gang members had gotten away and she hoped that the officers got them wrangled up.

"You're under arrest for the murder of Jermaine Goodwin, you have the right to remain silent…" she started the Miranda Rights.

"Bitch you just signed your death warrant, Dominic is going to come after you." She cocked a brow as she yanked his arms back snapping the cuffs on him.

"Well you can tell Dominic to bring it on because I'm not scared of him, and I will catch him and put him where he belongs, in prison," she guaranteed before she started finishing his Miranda Rights. Uniformed officers were rushing in from both the front and back entrances with guns drawn.

Fusco looked at them. "Finally! Help us arrest all these jokers and call ambulances." Fusco ordered as they began the long process of arresting every individual in the seedy dive bar.

* * *

AN: So I know it's not Careese but it is Reese/Shaw working a number and Fusco/Carter taking care of business ;D And here is the teaser for next chapter:

 **He looked at her wearily. "Joss, I really need to talk to you about something I need."**

 **"You're such a gentleman, so shouldn't it be ladies' first because I really need to tell you something myself."**

I chose something Careese-y since you guys have been waiting patiently for this conversation to happen :) Thanks for reading, you won't have to wait long for a new post. I'll post chapter 18 tomorrow sometime.


	18. Chapter 18

Joss applied extra makeup to hide her bruises which worked, and chose a pretty black dress that clung to her body for their dinner. After arresting Justyn and any Brotherhood member that had gotten into the shootout at the seedy bar, she had immediately called Shaw. Shaw and John had easily apprehended Ryan Henry, who hired the two man team to assassinate Victor Jackson, so that it would have freed the land up for takeover. Joss raked Shaw one side over the other for asking John to help her, but the woman seemed more amused by her anger than anything. She told her Reese did fine and he didn't even want to work with them except for occasionally, and it did settle Joss a bit. While it was preferable John didn't work with them at all, occasionally was better than the alternative.

She eyed herself in the mirror. "Mom, you look smoking hot," Taylor said; she turned to eye her boy who was lounging on the doorframe, eyeing her with amusement. "John won't know what hit him."

"You think? I'm going for a tongue tied reaction, so I can speak first and he has to listen."

"Tongue tied, that dress and makeup will make his tongue hang out rather than tied, mom." He reassured her. She smiled happily.

"Good," she said turning touching his chin before they exited her bathroom, then bedroom, and walked down the stairs. "I have to get going, if you are going out I want you home by eleven, it's a school night."

"I know, I know mom, just have fun." He waved off her worry. She smiled, kissed his cheek before she hurried to the foyer grabbed her black wool coat off the hook, pulled it on and left.

* * *

Joss ignored the admiring male looks sent her way, a couple tried to strike up a conversation with her, and she nearly told them to buzz off but didn't. She was more polite about it, she knew John wouldn't stand her up but he was running late. And when he appeared, looking chagrined, she smiled. Everything was alright now that he was here.

"I'm so sorry, Joss," he apologized as he took a seat across from her.

She smiled sweetly. "It's okay it's better now that you're here."

"No it's not. I tried hard to be here on time but Aubrey was feeling under the weather, she was crying for me not to leave her even with her favorite Uncle Lionel," John said.

"Oh no, we could have canceled." It would have killed her but his daughter came first.

"We might have to make it an early night," he admitted. "But she seemed content that Uncle Lionel, her and Elsa would watch Snow White while eating some ice cream. I had to bribe Lionel to allow the cat to come but once he realized Aubrey was sick he gave in easily. He's as wrapped around Aubrey's pinky as I am."Lionel was a sweetheart, trying to give her a chance to tell John the truth, even taking care of a sick child. "By the way Joss you look beautiful." he murmured softly.

"Thank you John." she said pleased with the hot look he was giving her. "How is Elsa fitting in the family?" she asked.

John smiled. "You know I wouldn't have said I ever wanted a cat but Elsa makes Aubrey so happy and they are together all the time. I'm glad we found her." The waitress appeared and they ordered their dinner. She had patiently waited for John, having only ordered herself a glass of merlot. Once the waitress was gone, John looked tense all of a sudden. "So," he started but she held up a hand.

"Before we talk about what this dinner is about, can we talk about the fact that you helped Shaw work the Victor Jackson case."

He frowned. "What about it, Joss?"

"I don't want you to work for Finch and Shaw."

"Why not, you do it?"

"I'm also a cop," she pointed out.

"So?—there is a reason why Langley wanted me Joss," he reminded her.

It was her turn to frown. "I know you are well trained in hand to hand combat, you have had weapon training, and you are highly intelligent. I know all that, but what they do and where they get their information from is dangerous."

"You mean the machine?" he questioned softly with a quick sidelong glance, making sure no one was listening before he looked at Joss fully. Her mouth nearly dropped open.

"You know?"

"I questioned Finch and Shaw about it a few weeks ago. I didn't think it was a human entity that they got their information from and so they felt obligated to tell me the truth," he said with a smile.

"Obligated?" she arched a brow. "More like you figured it out on your own and they had to fill in the gaps so you didn't go looking and get yourself killed," she snapped. He laughed. "It's not funny, John! Finch told me that people have died who learned about it by accident."

He snuffed out his laughter, seeing it was upsetting her that he was blithely dismissing her concerns. He reached out and touched her hand. "I know. He told me how dangerous knowing about the machine can be and I must make sure I don't talk about it except to the few of us that know about it."

Joss was not totally okay with that but there wasn't much she could do about it. John was too intelligent to keep the truth from him, he was bound to learn the truth one way or another anyway. It was better that Shaw and Finch filled in the gaps. "Please John, I care about Shaw and Finch, they are my friends, but I don't want you working with them on this mission of theirs."

"Why not?—Shaw seems to think I'd be a great partner in the field. Joss, I was in the military like you, you think what they see is any different from over there?" he asked.

Joss didn't like the spark of intrigue in his eyes, the thirst for adventure she could read on his face. John was fascinated with what Shaw and Finch did. "Because you have a six year old to raise, John, she needs you."

John sat back removing his hand from on top of hers. "I would never do anything that left my daughter orphaned. She means everything to me, I love her more than life itself. So if you are worried I'm looking to pick up a new job, don't. Finch hinted that if I wanted a job with them I could have it, but I don't want it. But I will help them out if they need it on a case here or there." And she frowned. She lost that little mini battle but she wasn't about to lose the war because tonight was more about them. She needed to tell him the truth about her feelings and end this dinner on a high-note with a promise for more.

They grew quiet when the waitress appeared back with their plates before bidding them a nice meal and scurried away in a hurry. Joss looked around and saw that the place was now jam-packed. No wonder the poor girl seemed flustered and out of breath. John looked around too.

"Place is hopping," he commented mundanely.

"It is," she agreed. And they fell into easy conversation about current events during dinner. She didn't want to discuss what this dinner was about while they were eating. Plus it gave her a chance to prepare and possibly figure out how exactly to tell him how she felt. She didn't know if just saying I love you to John was a good idea or explain why it took her so long to actually do something about it.

She sat back and threw her napkin onto the table. "Did I tell you Taylor has a GPA of 3.9?" she wondered as she sipped her merlot. John smiled as he shook his head taking a small sip of his. "I'm so proud of my boy."

"I bet you are, just as he's proud to have an amazing mother like you."

She smiled. "Aubrey is proud of her daddy, she talks about you all the time." He set his glass down and opened his mouth to speak and she knew he was going to try to ask for space or even worse. But before she could beat him to the punch, someone else did.

"John?"

Both she and John blinked as a female voice interrupted them and they turned to look seeing a woman making her way over.

"Lila,"

Joss sat back in shock. This was John's Lila? She smiled as John stood up to hug her and they parted after a few seconds. "How's Aubrey?"

"She's actually a little under the weather tonight but doing alright. How's Gabrielle?" he asked.

"A little angel," Lila admitted before looking at her. Her hazel eyes widened. "Oh my you have to be the Joss that John talked so much about."

"I am." Joss agreed, not sure what to say or do. John shifted a little uncomfortably, which this had to be an awkward situation for him.

"It's no wonder why he's in love with you, you're gorgeous." She said with a large smile and John stiffened and she eyed him. "But I want to thank you John for being honest with me because I think I met the man of my dreams." Lila went on further without realizing anything.

John looked at Lila feeling Joss's steady gaze on him. "I'm happy for you." He said sincerely. Lila was a sweet woman that deserved nothing but the best.

"It was odd actually because after you told me you were in love with Joss and you didn't want to lead me on, on that same day I met him. I picked up Gabby from school after work and my laptop went crazy. So I took it to a computer shop where they repair them and met Ben. It was like love at first sight and it was his first day on the job, he got my laptop to work in five minutes. It was almost like magic or the thing was possessed and wanted me to meet Ben."

He smiled politely. "I'm glad everything worked out."

"It did and maybe I'll take you up on your offer to be just friends." She agreed. "Now I'll leave you two lovebirds alone I got my own date to get back too but I just wanted to say hi, see how Aubrey was, and to thank you again for everything John."

John and Joss both watched as the sweet rambling woman walked away to a nice looking man who eyed them with interest. This Ben was a looker but he was no John. Joss looked back at John and saw his ears were a bit red and she saw a cute little blush twinging his cheeks.

"So that was Lila, as in your three-try first date Lila, with the polka-dot dress and her that looked like it came out of the blender?" she asked quietly and John eyed her. "Shaw's words, not mine. But her hair is not what I was envisioning. She looks cute." Joss said. No wonder John agreed to go out with her, she was like the girl-next door. She had short, naturally curly, dark chestnut locks that she was sure men loved to put their hands in. Pretty hazel eyes, a nice womanly figure not at all like a stick figure like Shaw claimed, and she certainly didn't have stubby legs. She might not have mile long legs like some men enjoyed but they weren't stubby. Shaw sure mangled her appearance and Lila wasn't at all what she was imagining.

"That's because Shaw isn't the fashion police and for some ungodly reason she hated everything about her."

"Shaw hated everything about her because you were dating her and not me, John. Shaw is very loyal and was hoping the more she pointed out exaggerated flaws of her you'd send her packing."

John eyed her. "Joss," he started but she held up a hand.

"John, may I go first?" she asked.

He looked at her wearily. "Joss, I really need to talk to you about something I need."

"You're such a gentleman, so shouldn't it be ladies' first because I really need to tell you something myself."

His lips twitched into a small smile as the weariness on his face slid away. "Alright, ladies first."

"Thank you," and now that she got John to agree to let her go first she didn't have the first clue of how to proceed. She set her glass down buying herself time.

The small smile on his face grew. "Joss, you're nervous, what is it?"

She drew in a big breath before reaching over the table laying a hand on top of his. "I was twenty-two when I met my ex-husband Paul. And our relationship was a whirlwind, passionate and perfect. I thought I met my soulmate. We got married a year later, both of us was in the military. Paul saw more action than I did, I got out when I was injured, and Paul quit. Taylor was born about two years before my military career was forced to an end. And Paul was a completely different person when our marriage ended, my son was eight. I couldn't help Paul and I certainly couldn't live with him anymore. I had myself and my son to protect."

John searched her face. "Was he violent?"

"For the most part he was a verbal abuser. I thought I could help him, but once he grabbed my wrist so hard it left bruises, it was the first time he ever got physical but it certainly was the last time. I filed for separation the next day."

"I'm sorry, Joss."

"For a long time I felt like I failed him because I loved who he was, not who he became. And I felt like I failed at my marriage, sometimes I still do."

"You didn't fail, Joss."

She nodded, taking his comfort. "It took me a long while to try again because I told myself I was too busy, but it was more than that. I was scared of trying again. But I met Cal and he made me want to. Cal tried to go slow with me, but I let my insecurities and my natural mistrust keep me from fully committing to him. It's something I've struggled with all my life."

He eyed her. "What insecurity have you struggled with, Joss? You're beautiful, intelligent, confident, and funny, there isn't a single thing you should feel insecure about."

"My insecurities aren't about how I look, who I am, nothing like that. But I have an extremely hard time trusting people, being able to lean on and take support from others and not just men. I've been so used to doing things on my own it's sort of a habit I found myself in. A habit that's very hard to break," she admitted ruefully.

"Habits you form to protect yourself and your heart are always the hardest to break even if they are, in a way, hurting you," he agreed as he knew only so well.

"Yeah well, I believed Cal was dirty up til the point it was proven to me that he wasn't. And by then it was too late. Cal was murdered by HR and you know the rest."

"Joss…"

"Let me finish, John," she said, looking him directly in the eyes. "I cared about Cal, but I wasn't in love with him, but I did feel guilty for his death. I somehow convinced myself, had I not mistrusted him, had I not pushed him away, he might still be here. It took some time and some grieving to realize nothing would have changed. Quinn would have still murdered Cal regardless if I believed in him or not."

"I'm glad that you have let go of some of that guilt for your sake."

She nodded. "I want to apologize to you, John, for using Cal as a way to keep you at bay. I told you and myself that it was the truth, but it wasn't. I lied to you even though I promised I would never lie to you again. I guess my word isn't worth much," she said scornfully.

"Joss it's okay to be mixed up. You had a lot to process and I don't hold you being confused about your feelings of grief against you," he said softly.

Joss smiled at him. This man was a beautiful creature. "Thanks, but I want to tell you the truth as to why I told you we could only be friends. You deserve to know."

"Okay, why?"

"I was scared, which I hate feeling. But it's true, you scare me," she admitted.

He looked at her in shock, anguished that he must have hurt her somehow. Oh god, he had come on too strong, maybe he grabbed her too hard or something like her ex. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

"If you think it's physically, so help me I will punch you in the face right now," she declared angrily. "You would never hurt me physically and I could smack you for even considering that! You may have a low opinion of yourself but I don't, and I know you'd never raise your voice let alone your hand to me."

John was taken aback by the rage on her face. "Even if I tried, I think you'd kick my ass to Pluto," he tried for a joke to lighten her up.

Clearly his attempt for a joke fell flat because her beautiful face was etched with hard lines of anger. "I'd like to kick your ass to the next galaxy right about now," she snarled. "Listen up and listen hard, John, you are a good man, and I was scared of losing you."

"Losing me?" he said confused.

Joss eyed him, still a tad angry at him, but it was fading fast as she concentrated on being completely honest. Fessing up to John was much easier than she anticipated. He wasn't looking at her any different but rather he eyed her as he always did—with loving eyes. "John my marriage to Paul ended in disaster much like yours did with Jessica. The guys before Paul were jerks and losers. Then Cal, I cared about, but he was murdered. I lost every guy I was with whether it was because I wasn't enough, he changed, or he died. And I was scared to try again, I was scared that if we dated and became something more that it would end and I'd never see you again. And I couldn't bare that, so I chose to be alone and be friends with you then risk it and lose you," she admitted.

"Joss…"

But she plunged on, ignoring him, because she needed to tell him everything. "You make me feel so much, nearly too much, and I haven't had to deal with this sort of passion since my failed marriage to Paul. I used Cal to keep you at bay without realizing the truth of what was really holding me back and then, when I realized it, it was too late."

"Late?"

"You were with Lila and I didn't want to get in the way of your happiness because I took too long to figure out how I felt about you. You knew I was attracted to you, but, at that lunch I wanted to get you alone. I had planned on asking Fusco, Finch, and Shaw to scram."

"Okay?"

"I wanted to tell you then and I want to tell you now, that I'm in love with you." There, she said it. His eyes widened. She pushed on. "I need you to go slow with me because that fear is still there," she admitted. She was scared of losing him if they got together but she was going to lose him if they didn't. And even though it was a risk to her heart, she'd rather have loved and lost then never loved at all. She gripped his hand. "Please tell me you still have feelings for me that what Lila said is still true."

John stared at her and smiled. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. "Joss, I've been in love with you for a long while."

She leaned over the table and he leaned forward brushing his lips against hers tenderly. She wanted to deepen the kiss but couldn't as they were in a restaurant. Not really ideal for a nice makeout. They pulled back when they realized people were eyeing them and sighing. Women were grinning and holding their hands across their hearts, Joss silently wondered, did they think that John asked her to marry him or something. John looked a bit embarrassed.

"How about we wrap this dinner up?" John said quietly as the waitress appeared with their bill and she nodded.

* * *

They talked the entire drive home as she was grateful she had decided to take a cab to the restaurant. She felt immensely better telling him the truth. He parked in front of her home, and she glanced at him. Joss felt like this was a recurring theme for them, of John driving her home from a non-date, well now they could form a new habit of him driving her home after REAL dates.

"Would you like to come in, John?"

"I should probably get going, I need to go pick up my daughter from Lionel's."

She nodded, not wanting to push, especially since he did have a sick kid at Lionel's. "You're right, Aubrey isn't feeling good, I guess I just wanted to talk some more."

"I do too, how about a real date? Where we can talk about how slow or fast you want us to go," he suggested.

She smiled warmly. "I'd like that."

"Me too, Joss."

Joss leaned over the gearshift, sneaking a kiss. John sighed and they sort of melted into it. What was supposed to be a sweet and gentle kiss, swiftly changed to a passionate and lingering one. Mmm, this sort of passion was missing from her life and she had been weary of it at first but not anymore. She welcomed the feeling of being burned from the outside in by him. She welcomed the overwhelming need she felt for this man because she knew it wasn't one-sided.

John couldn't recall if he ever quite felt this way before about any woman, including Jessica. He trailed his fingertips down her cheekbones as he deepened the kiss, before tugging free. She asked for slow which he kind of needed too. He hadn't had sex in a long time, not since Veronica, and he hadn't had sex with a woman he cared about since Jessica. And that had been a long time before their marriage ended because sex between them had ended well before their marriage.

"I'll call you," he said quietly.

"Thanks for the wonderful evening, John."

He smiled as she climbed out. As normal John waited until she was back in her home before he drove away. She smiled as she turned around after taking her jacket off and her son was waiting there to greet her. "So, how did it go?" he asked.

"I can sum it up in one word, Taylor: amazing."

* * *

AN: They got to have two kisses, finally a little Careese action and a promise for a real date. And here's the teaser for next chapter:

 **John stood there in jeans and a nice soft blue sweater with his leather jacket over it.**

Expecting something a tad better weren't you guys, but nope you guys aren't getting anything out of me. *zips lips* I'll try to post soon. Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOXOX


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN: Just a little head's up there is a ratings increase because this chapter is SMUTIFIED ;D**_

* * *

John was coming over for a home cooked meal, Aubrey was over at Anna's house for the weekend, meaning she and John could have a slumber party themselves. They were on their third real official date and she still hadn't gotten past first base with him when she wanted the damned homerun! And while she had asked for them to go slow she hadn't figured THIS slowly! Joss was trying desperately to be patient but she was going to spring a romantic evening with him tonight that was going to end with them in bed together. She had gone all out for this. She didn't want to pressure him but damn it all to hell, she wanted him so badly. Joss wondered if he just was having a hard time taking that step, being the one to initiate the lovemaking. So she was going to.

Taylor had thankfully decided to go visit his dad for the weekend, not wanting to be around. And she was glad, not that she didn't love her boy or miss him when he stayed at his dad's, but she didn't want a teenager around putting a crimp in her plans. Condoms weren't necessary as she was on the pill and she knew John was clean as a whistle, so that necessity was not needed. Joss had stopped by Lover's Lane on the way home from work to pick up some goodies to make the night extra festive. The girls at the sex store giggled when she told them she had a sexy but nervous single dad who hadn't had sex in a while and she wanted to get the mood right. They helped pick things out for the ambiance, but also helped pick out edible body paints for the future. She licked her lips, she did so enjoy strawberries.

She had taken a nice shower, shaved, and put on an intoxicating perfume meant to drive John wild. And while Joss wanted to dress up for the occasion she had decided a more toned down attire was necessary. Joss however was wearing thong panties for John. She eyed her tight black jeans coupled with a lace red blouse. She curled her hair gently at the ends for soft curls rather than full blown. Her makeup was minor, and she anxiously waited for John to arrive. Her place was lit up with candles and she prayed he wouldn't get cold feet the moment he stepped in the door. Anyone with eyes could tell what she was hoping would happen.

She smiled when she heard a knock on her door. "Right on time," she whispered to herself, fussed with her hair once, and proceeded to open the door. John stood there in jeans and a nice soft blue sweater with his leather jacket over it. "Hey, John, come on in." she stepped back to allow him entrance.

John was quiet as he eyed her place lit up with candles. "Uh, you went to a lot of trouble with this dinner didn't you?" he said as he slid his coat from his athletic body.

"Not really," she countered.

He looked at her skeptically. "Lighting these candles must have taken a lot of time."

"Not all that much," she covered smoothly as they walked to the living room where she already poured glasses of wine for them. They sat down together and she handed him one, before picking up the other for herself. "How about a toast?"

"Alright, to what?" he asked.

"To us, to tonight, and our future together," she said and he smiled as they clinked their glasses together in toast.

They sipped their wine quietly before he looked at her. "So what are we having?"

"Hope you like lasagna," she said.

"I do, is it homemade?"

She nodded. "Even down to the sauce," she agreed and he eyed her intrigued. "What? Didn't think I could cook? You wound me."

"Actually I figured you could, but not many can cook their own sauce."

"Well mine is an old family recipe, but I can guarantee you that all the store bought sauces have nothing on mine."

"Mmm, I can't wait to try it." They fell into comfortable conversation while she timed her lasagna in the oven. When it was time to take it out John carried their glasses of wine into the kitchen and placed them on the dining table. "I never did get to thank you for you, your son, and his friends helping me and my daughter move into our new home this past weekend."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah you did, numerous times, John." She said as she handed him two plates and two knives and forks, which he gladly took to set the table for them. "Does it feel like home yet?" she asked as she pulled out her lasagna and her breadsticks for a side dish and placed it on the stove top. She inhaled the intoxicating aroma as she slid the oven door closed, and turned it off.

"It does, Aubrey loves her new bedroom," he said before sniffing the air. "That smells real good, Joss," he commented while his cheeks flushed red as his stomach grumbled in hunger.

John carried the two plates over and she cut a liberal amount for them both, placing a heaping plateful for each of them, and then settled the breadsticks on top. John carried them to the table and she took the oven mitt off and they settled down to have a nice dinner. Joss watched him as he cut into the lasagna and took a bite.

He closed his eyes and sighed. "This is delicious, Joss."

"Thank you."

They slid into silence while they ate. After a little while they retreated back into the living room with their glasses of wine. They talked about his daughter, her son, their friends, how his job was going and how hers was. They even touched on Lionel. She was keeping the evening easy on him, keeping him distracted with conversation as she scooted closer to him. She had put their glasses down while he was talking to her about his daughter's recital that was finally happening next week and how excited she was to have her coming.

Joss smiled as conversation faded away and they were mutely staring at one another. His eyes dipped down to her lips before flicking back up quickly. Was he figuring out that when they sat down she hadn't been this close because she was practically in his lap now?

"Kiss me," she requested quietly.

John muttered something as he did so, leaning over her and kissed her deeply which she so happily reciprocated. John was a damned good kisser. She sighed, before long they were necking like teenagers once more, this was how their last few days had ended, but she wanted sex with John so badly she could taste it. Their tongues tangled and she loved the deep and tender kissing, as he was practically making love to her mouth, but she wanted more. She wanted them naked in her bed, making love for real. She wanted to feel him inside her, she knew he wanted it too, but she just couldn't get him to move faster than the current snail's pace. Was this her punishment for making him wait so long, was he going to make her wait forever for him to get naked? Maybe she shouldn't have said that she wanted to go slow. Maybe he mistook her meaning. Joss laid a hand on his thigh, sighing as she kissed him hungrily. She slid her hand up and gently rested it on the nice beginning bulge. John tore his mouth from hers.

"I should go."

She kept a smile in place. "Why?—you can't use your daughter as an excuse to keep us from going up in my bedroom since I know she's at a slumber party with Anna. I want us to take our relationship to the next level, a more intimate level," she admitted quietly. John got to his feet and she sighed. Damn it, what was the problem? It wasn't a lack of attraction or lack of reaction down below for him, so what gave? "Do you not want this to go further?" she asked, maybe she was misreading him.

John looked at her immediately. "Of course I want you, Joss I've been in love with you for almost since I met you."

She motioned with her hand. "I hear a 'but' coming, so get to that part," she demanded. John's eyes grew large, vulnerable, and she stared into them. "John, I won't laugh, just tell me what's wrong so we can move past it. We have gone out three times now and I have been hoping since date one we'd have sex. It's not like we just met, I want to be with you," she said, showing her hand and waiting to see what he'd show in return.

He shifted, looking uncomfortable. "It's been a while for me."

"For me too, John, I haven't been with a guy since Cal." She said feeling utter relief. It was just nerves.

John's gaze met hers. "I haven't had sex since Veronica and I was drunk and she only wanted me to stash that flashdrive. And before her it was my wife who slept with another man repeatedly, which is sort of telling of my sexual prowess. I mean what woman goes and cheats on a man if she's being satisfied sexually."

Joss got to her feet immediately. "That's why you have been pushing on the brake for us to have sex, because you seriously think I won't enjoy myself once we get between the sheets? That's ridiculous John, because I want you so much and have thought about this for a long time," she said incredulously. That's why she wasn't getting naked and having fun, because she could say with all honesty that thought never crossed her mind once.

"Jessica went looking for sex with another man, Joss, sex between us must not have been all that fulfilling and I just…" he trailed off not knowing how to voice this.

Joss felt a hot lick of anger spark inside her. "You really need to stop lumping me in with Jessica, John, because I can guarantee you I'm nothing like her which I'll prove to you. But I get it, John, you're scared of getting intimate and getting hurt again." Joss felt her anger deflate out of her because she really wanted to pop Jessica a good one. Jessica took an already vulnerable man with low self-esteem and proceeded to cheat on him repeatedly, just exacerbating the low opinion of himself.

He scoffed like only a man could, choosing to hear only one thing of her entire statement. "I'm not scared to have sex with you."

She snorted, men sure had selective hearing. "When I said your wife did a number on you I truly didn't realize the extent of damage she did to you, John."

"It's not Jessica's fault I'm a lousy lover." Joss burst out into laughter, she just couldn't help it. And judging by the flash of anger John wasn't happy with her laughing at him. "And what exactly is so funny, Joss?" he demanded.

"You thinking that you're a lousy lover, just seems kind of humorous to me." Judging by the toe curling kisses he gave, the hot looks, he was anything BUT a lousy lover.

"Why?—there has to be a reason why Jessica cheated on me."

"Yeah because she was selfish, John, she wanted her cake and eat too. She loved you and wanted you, but she also wanted Peter. So her cheating on you has nothing to do with your sexual prowess," she said, snuffing the laughter out. "You like to control things around you, don't you, John? And then when things happen that you can't control you immediately blame yourself because it's easier to find fault in yourself than acknowledging it was out of your control."

"Stop trying to analyze me, Joss."

"Why?—because it's the truth, John, you couldn't control what happened to you as a child. You were thrust into a situation you couldn't get out of. You were trapped, with no way out." She took a step forward towards him, before gently wrapping her arms around his neck. "And now because of that lack of control as a child and young adult, you control everything now. So when Jessica cheated on you and you had no control over the disaster that was your marriage, naturally it became your fault, not hers. Jessica hurt you time and time again, she cheated on you and not because you were a lousy lover, but because she was self-centered. That's her fault, not yours."

John's arms loosely hung near her hips and he wasn't looking at her, he seemed so lost in thought. She knew he was processing what she said and she might have gotten him angry enough to not even want to sleep with her, but it needed to be said. And she felt it was necessary to say it. Joss loved him, but John was just too use to selfish women in his life who didn't give a damn about anything except themselves, so it was probably hard to understand that someone actually wanted to put him first. She smiled as she tightened her arms around him. Well John was just going to have to get used to her doing so and learn to enjoy it.

"John," she whispered softly and he blinked and looked at her. "Even if you're mad, I don't care. It needed to be said and well you told me you loved me and I love you, so I figured it may as well be me that said it."

A ghost of a smile tried to tug his lips up. "You are exactly what I always wanted, Joss, honest, even when I don't want to hear it."

She smiled before she played with his hair at the nape. "Then honestly, John, I love you and I really want tonight to be our first night together," she whispered sensually, seeing his pale blue eyes darken a bit. "I promise to take my time showing you the ropes. But I promise it's like riding a bike," she teased and his eyes now sparkled with mischief.

John didn't say anything back but did allow her to slide her hands to his and tug him back to the couch without any resistance. Joss sat down with him before kissing him, feeling him respond and she slowly leaned back pulling him with her as she laid down on her back on the couch. She wrapped her arms around him as their mouths fused together. He sighed as he leaned on his forearms above her, she let her hands slide downward, grabbing that ass of his that she had been waiting forever to do. It was perfect, as expected. Joss lifted her hips grinding up into him.

He moaned as he tried to end the kiss but she followed up, sucking on his bottom lip. She kept the nice rhythm she set, curling her legs around his hips. She captured his lips more firmly, feeling him hardening against her nearly instantly. He leaned back breaking the kiss as he ground down into her, making her suck in a breath sharply. "John," she sighed.

"Joss," he moaned before she tugged his sweater up his body where he helped yank it off. She eyed his beautiful chest. He put a finger under her chin lifting, forcing her gaze up and she saw the hunger blazing in his intense blue eyes. "Are you sure because I won't be able to stop? It's been so long for me." he said gruffly.

"I'm more than sure, John."

He nodded and climbed off of her and, before she could protest, John scooped her up and carried her to her stairs. Oh, okay he wanted the bed, that was fine by her too. He carried her up while she attacked his neck, sucking and earning little shivers. She licked and kissed any part of skin she could reach before he gently deposited her on her bed. He tugged off their shoes first before tugging her socks off. He kissed her in-step on each foot before tugging off his socks. Joss grabbed him by the belt loops tugging him toward her, and he climbed onto the bed. She sighed as they kissed hungrily once more. He cupped her breasts and she moaned, before lifting her pelvis up into his. She sighed happily as she felt what was happening to him. Joss wanted less clothing between them. She raked her nails across the wide expanse of his back, tracing his spine with her hands. He broke the kiss to nip at her chin before he leaned back to undo the buttons of her blouse.

"At this rate I'll be dead before you get these buttons undone," she complained, pushing his clumsy hand away.

"Well why do they make the buttons so tiny?"

So while she undid her blouse he undid her slacks. She shrugged out of her blouse just as he grabbed the waistband of her jeans. He tugged down and she laid back lifting her hips. "Damn Joss." He whispered as he eyed the black thong and her bra. She smiled up at him as she reached down and began undoing his belt, his zipper and button of his pants.

But that was about all she got done before he undid the front clasp to her bra, shoved it out of his way and latched his hungry mouth on her nipple. She moaned as she forgot the need to get into his damned pants as she clutched her fingers into his hair. His mouth was wicked, as he drew on her before licking lightly, and then sucking hard. She arched her back in ecstasy. He released her passionately tortured left nipple, going for the right immediately, with his knee between her legs pressing against her intimately.

"John, please, I need more." She panted as his teeth grazed her. He kissed his way down her flat stomach, pausing at her scar from Fallujah.

He eyed it first, tracing it with his fingertips before looking up at her. "Thank god you're here. The world is a better place with you in it, Joss," he whispered before looking back down, and proceeded to kiss every inch of it. She blinked quickly trying to squash the sensation behind her eyes. Once he was satisfied he had kissed and loved every inch he moved on, pressing a kiss to her belly button before sliding down. His hands hooked under the elastic of her thong and tugged downward. She lifted her hips letting them slide down her legs and he threw them off the bed. "You're utterly beautiful, Joss."

She smiled, feeling beautiful under his adoring gaze that was just staring at her from head to toe. He looked into her eyes. "I want to kiss you, suck you, and love you Joss, but I don't think I can wait much longer to be inside you," he shuddered and she sat up.

"I want you to kiss me, love me, and suck on me too, but later, I'd rather you were inside me too. I've been waiting to have you inside me for what feels like forever," she purred. John climbed off of her and pushed his pants and underwear off while she just stared at him. "Well it's not a wonder why Jessica didn't want to let you go," Joss commented under her breath, staring at him, and John smiled clearly hearing her. But she didn't care, John's cock was perfect, just as was the rest of him.

He climbed back onto the bed, onto her and she spread her legs wide, and she moaned as she felt his hard tip near her entrance. "Joss, are you ready?" he groaned. He didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm more than ready, John," she forced out through clenched teeth as he slicked up his tip with her wetness. "Please, John."

He pushed into her slowly, feeling her inner walls clenching around him as he sheathed himself inside her. He closed his eyes as he fisted his hands in the comforter as he entered her. God, she felt amazing. Once he was all the way in, he held there, as he worked his jaw trying to think of her and not wanting to hurt her with moving before she had adjusted to him. Jessica, on more than one occasion, had been sore because of going too fast.

Joss felt utterly full of John. She felt stretched wide and could feel the base of his cock rubbing at her clitoris and she moaned at the feeling. John was waiting for her to adjust and she was grateful. John was a little wider than she was anticipating, and without having sex in a while she needed the time. And after what felt like forever with them lying there, joined intimately, John finally began moving and it was magnificent. She grabbed at his shoulders anchoring herself as he moved inside her quickly.

"I'm sorry Joss, I can't go slowly," he whispered as he thrust into her, faster and harder than before, sliding a hand between them going for her clitoris.

She moaned as he touched her while he moved in her. "Who asked for slow?" she panted out, slow lovemaking could be their second time because right now she needed fast herself, she needed her orgasm that she felt denied of for months which had been her own fault.

John pumped himself inside her faster as she trembled in his arms feeling his orgasm building to a crescendo, forcing him to drive into her harder and harder. Joss's breath caught as she dug her nails into his shoulders, crying his name wildly as her own orgasm was just fingertips out of reach. He crushed his mouth onto hers, devouring it, as he poured all the love he felt for her into it before swallowing her scream as he pounded away inside her, feeling her entire body shudder beneath his. He tore his lips from hers and came immediately as her spasms ripped his seed from him. He drove into her one last time, grabbing her hips firmly in his hands, holding her tight to him as he buried himself deep inside her. He felt her spasms ripple around his cock, milking his orgasm.

John felt Joss go limp and he gently released her hips before sliding free from inside her, and laid down beside her. He dragged in ragged pants of breaths as she curled into his side, breathing nearly as heavily as he was. "Worth waiting for, but wished we had done it a hell of a lot sooner," she sighed.

He smiled. "Me too." Sex with Joss was not at all like sex with Veronica, Jessica, or any other woman before her. They simply couldn't compare to Joss. He sighed as he shifted his eyes to look into hers. "Tell me, Joss, is there anything you're not good at?" he questioned, mildly rhetorical but he truly wished to know because Joss Carter was an amazing woman all around.

She smiled coyly recalling her own question to him and remembered his answer as she lifted up to brush her warm lips against his. "I'm not giving all my secrets away," she purred and he chuckled a little as they kissed softly again before she leaned her chin on his chest to stare up at him. "Oh and by the way, lousy lover, my ass," she said, feeling like she couldn't move a muscle, she felt boneless at the moment.

He softly stroked her sweaty skin, breathing raggedly but it was slowly regulating, and chuckled. "I take it I was worried for nothing then."

"Hell yes, I think I died, went to heaven, and then was forced back into my body. I was expecting fireworks but I didn't expect bombs exploding," she said. She'd had good sex before but she never had this kind of sex before. It was fast and furious, just think when they had more stamina after the long abstinence, the slow lovemaking was going to burn her alive. Mmmm, just thinking about it made her want another go around, but she couldn't move at the moment to initiate it.

"Well you are amazing, Joss," he said quietly and she shifted her head to look at him.

"I know," she commented and he cocked a brow.

"Kind of egotistical."

She laughed. "No, you are a quiet man, John, and you were anything but quiet." His cheeks flushed and she giggled as she rolled onto her side and gave him a warm open mouth kiss. "I love how you blush," she muttered before she kissed him more firmly. They kissed desperately while she reached down, playing with him. She worked her thumb over the head of his cock feeling him stirring to life. He moaned as he pulled his lips free.

"I need a little longer than a few minutes, Joss."

She stroked him and kept working him with her clever hand making him grunt and groan as she wonderfully knew what to do and just how hard to do it. After several minutes of her persistent touch he was erect. "I think we have lift-off," she waggled her brows and he groaned as she straddled him.

"That was horrible," he complained and she shifted herself before she sunk down on his thick shaft taking him inside her to the hilt. His laughter ended on a sharp moan of her name as he went to grab her hips but she caught his hands with hers. She lifted up before sinking back down on him as their fingers linked. She set the tempo slowly as she rose up and down on him. She wanted it to last a little longer than the first time. They had been urgent to be together, this time she wanted languid and longer lasting.

"I love you, John."

His eyes lifted from between her legs to her face. "I love you too, Joss." And then words weren't necessary any longer as they took one another to heights unknown.

* * *

AN: Well darn, this is it for this story. But don't worry you'll be seeing at least one more story to go along with this mini series that deals with the fallout of The Brotherhood. So if you see 'Followed By Marriage' the sequel is upon you and you should go running for your life. Although with established Careese there will be no slow-burning, just some mild heartburn ;D

Thanks for reading and or reviewing I greatly appreciate it all, and another thanks to Elaine for putting up with me with all the crap I send to you on a weekly basis lol. XOXOXOXOXOXOX


End file.
